Deb_Aston
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HI Beth, I wanted to give you some feedback on your professional credentials... you have achieved your MSN, that's awesome, but you do not need to list your BSN in your credentials now... that is a given. You list your hightest degree only; I.e., MSN, RN. You can't get your MSN without earning your BSN. Leave that behind. ? Kindest regards, Deb
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Thank you @Tweety I appreciate your kind words and I definitely agree with you... self care is the only way we are physically and mentally able to do what we do to help others. I have found that my career has been able to provide me with the unique perspective of minimizing my own "problems" compared with those of my patients... especially because I work with children who have been through so much and never give up. Thank you for reading my post and I wish you well! Deb
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@emtpbruse I am sorry that you feel this way and have had those experiences... I can see how it can make you feel bitter about Nursing. Sometimes the best thing you can do to help yourself move forward is to release the negativity and pain from the past and try to focus on what you can control moving forward... at least that has helped me. We have all had major disappointments in our lives in one way or another; we can only control our own actions and thoughts. I hope you find your peace. Thank you for reading my post. Deb
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Dark Secrets Two years ago, there were several incidents of "jumpers" from a nearby parking garage that had occurred within a short time frame, and I couldn't get past the sadness and horror as I walked past it every day on my way to work. It touched me deeply, and I didn't even know them... but I knew of them, and seemed connected to them in some way. Each time it happened, it seemed like a dark secret no one would talk about. There was minimal information in the newspaper, and I had so many unanswered questions. There is a stigma that comes with mental illness that many do not feel comfortable talking about. So we don't. When Suicide Hits Home Something happened recently that shook me to my core; my daughter attempted suicide. She became so overwhelmed with her work in the news industry, with this relentless cycle of negativity and civil injustice, that she quite literally "broke". Her compassionate heart could not continue to write (and re-write, and re-re-write) about the horrific acts of violence and sadness in the world... that, and the tragic loss of life with the global pandemic, and the isolation of being in quarantine, was too much for her to bear, and she lost something that keeps most of us moving forward... hope. My own beautiful daughter became so depressed that she didn't want to live another day. That shocking realization is something that I was not prepared for... not my sassy, funny, bright, strong, successful daughter.... that can't be... under my own eyes, in my own house. How did I miss this? I felt like I had failed her. Subtle Changes In hindsight, I did see some subtle changes, but she was good at pretending she was OK... she stopped working-out with her virtual trainer because it was so hot outside. She stayed in her pajamas all day because didn't everyone who worked from home do that? She wasn't sleeping because she was working so hard writing for the news show that she produced. And me.... I am a Nurse, so I went to work like I always did, even under the stress of Covid. I came home late, sore, and tired... and I missed it. But thank God, I was able to stop her in time, and get her help. Yes, we have guardian angels among us. Inner Demons We have all felt sad, disappointed, and alone at one time or another in our lives. Those of us who have struggled with depression, or other high-risk factors such as loss, low self-esteem, rejection, or stress, have experienced varying degrees of darkness and despair; it’s not a fun place to be, and not everyone makes it out alive. Some have been in such a low place that they feel their only solution to overcome this immense pain and suffering is through one final extreme act of choosing death over an unbearable life. We all have our own inner demons that come out when we are at our most vulnerable. Depression is an illness that often can be mistakenly viewed as a sign of weakness, or an inability to cope with everyday life. This is just not true. The American Psychiatric Association (2018) defines depression as a medical illness that affects how one feels, thinks, and acts; it can lead to thoughts of suicide if left untreated with the right mix of therapy and medication. Death From Despair Suicide has been described as death from despair. According to the Center for Disease Control (2018), suicide rates in the U.S. have increased 25% in the past two decades and are increasing among adults aged 45-64. Among those aged 15-34, suicide is the second-leading cause of death. These are scary statistics...especially when they hit so close to home. Those of us in healthcare have seen the outcomes of an attempted suicide. My first experience as a young PICU nurse caring for a teenage girl who attempted suicide by hanging was extremely difficult; there was no happy ending or miraculous recovery for this young girl. This story was tragic, and yet it happens every day. She had gone through a bad break-up with her boyfriend, and the pain and rejection led her to self-mutilation, which didn’t dull the pain deep inside of her, so she hung herself. Her sister found her, and called 911. She was brought back to a life of vegetation. She wore a haunted look of pure rage, which seemed to be her only facial expression when “awake”. She had just enough brain activity to continue medical interventions. I still think about her from time-to-time and I wonder if she ever found the peace that she was looking for so long ago. I truly hope so. What Can We Do? What can we do to prevent our loved ones from choosing this ultimate act of despair? First, we need to be able to recognize the signs and symptoms of depression and not be afraid to ask if they need help or want to talk… or even if they have ever thought about hurting/killing themselves. We need to support better medical coverage for mental health and pre-existing conditions; we need to prevent those who have mental health conditions from being able to legally purchase a firearm; and last, and most important, we need to support them and not judge them. “There, but for the grace of God, go I”. Timing is everything, and if the pain and despair are recognized early enough, perhaps a life can be saved. Linkin Park wrote a beautiful song about suicide called One More Light (2017). The irony that one of the writers, Chester Bennington, committed suicide a year later, speaks to his state of mind and intimate understanding of the effects of suicide for the ones who are left behind to try to heal from this great loss. If you, or someone that you know, are having thoughts of suicide, please seek professional help; call a friend or family member, or call the Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 References American Psychiatric Association (2018). What is depression? CDC. (2018). Suicide rates rise sharply across the US, new report showswashingtonpost.com Linkin Park. (2017). One more light
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Thank you for sharing your struggles in this beautifully written article... this hits very close to home for me and I feel your pain. Having a relationship with a narcissistic bully is extremely painful. I got out from my verbally abusive marriage, and I'm glad that you did too. Wishing you all the best.
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Close your eyes and think about the worst shift that you ever survived; I use the word "survive", because after such a shift, one can feel like they have been through hell and back in what seems like a never-ending 12.5 hours... who am I kidding, we are nurses, it's more like 13-14 hours! My worst shifts weren't the "busy" ones that happened because we were short-staffed, didn't get a break, or got swamped with admissions; those happen all the time and we (just) "get through" them. No, the worst shifts stay with you; you remember how they made you feel... sadness or regret, self-doubt, anger, helplessness, or frustration... or all of those things piled into one really crappy day. We remember the painful things; it's not by choice. As nurses, we often bear witness to horrific things that occur every day, in every city or town. We see car accidents, victims of violence, drownings, child abuse/neglect, etc. We try to help in any way that we can; when we can't, our heart breaks because of our limitations. My worst days still live within my mind; I remember the bruised, emaciated body of a little boy who was kept in a cage in his adoptive parent's basement as we tirelessly worked to resuscitate him; we did everything that we could, but it was too late. I remember caring for a teenage girl who attempted suicide by hanging, who was brought back to a life of complete debilitation. I remember providing end-of-life care to a young girl who fought a courageous, but impossible, battle with cancer, and once she peacefully passed from this life, with her parents and siblings at her side, her mother's heart (literally) stopped beating, and we had to immediately (and unbelievably) go into life-saving mode, call a "code blue" and start CPR on mom, right outside of her deceased daughter's room. We brought her broken heart back, whether it wanted to continue to beat or not. I still think about that family many years later. I will never forget that worst day and the lesson it taught me that one can truly die from a broken heart. Now...take a breath, close your eyes, and think about your best day at work...did it inspire you to be a better nurse, or a better colleague...or a better person? The best shifts are not the ones that are uneventful, or dare I say, "quiet". No... the best shifts are often unexpectedly extraordinary. A best shift is created when you are working with a great team and all the stars are aligned in your favor for a positive outcome. I remember one of my best days; I was an active responder during a Rapid Response that turned quickly into a full code. We did everything in our power to re-start a life, but we soon became acutely aware of the high probability that we may lose our patient. During the final pulse check, we all looked up at the monitor in complete silence...a rhythm suddenly appeared, and pulses returned. We were all in utter disbelief, but we gratefully accepted the gift from above that will sustain us for an entire career. The best shift becomes that "crazy, unbelievable" story that you share with one another, forever bonded as witnesses of a true miracle. The worst and best days are important because they make us who we are; they define our actions, attitudes, and our experiences. We learn from them; they make us (more) human, and better nurses. They also create stronger and more united teams because best and worst days connect us in a way that most other professions simply cannot. I wish you all best and worst days that will give you the strength and empathy that you need to be compassionate, grateful, and kind to one another.
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I loved this article. It rang very true for me, especially after my father passed away in August while in hospice care. Fortunately we were able to care for him at home, but the support and care that we received from the hospice nurse was amazing. She helped us to keep my father comfortable until the very end. Thank you for your words and for your kindness and compassion. You are a very special person.
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I agree with many of your responses. I have been a single mother to a young child, and I also had to work nights. In a way, I imagine that you probably feel like a single parent also, carrying so much of the workload by yourself. It is very hard... trying to be alert while caring for your child, who needs you 24/7, and then going to work all night to care for patients is very difficult. Nursing is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. You have a license that you worked very hard for, you don't want to cause harm while in your role. You also need to care for yourself, because others depend on you. I hope that you find a good solution. I also recommend a PT or PD job(s); some organizations offer weekends only for more money... maybe that can work and your husband can care for the baby on the weekends, or other family / friends can help? I wouldn't have been able to do it without the help of my parents, I was fortunate in that respect. Good luck! Take care.
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Dream job opportunities do not present themselves everyday. A PT job can often become a FT job; I say go for it! Good luck!
