need your advice

Congrats on distancing yourself from that........ If you think back to your education in nursing school and remember your psychiatry course, do you remember why abusive men are abusive?? You said that he tries to make you feel inferior, and I'm sure no doubt that it has gotten worse since you left him, and I'm sure that if you went through nursing school it got worse when you started school and right when you graduated and started working. The reason is that he feels threatened, he wants you to be dependent on him because he is insecure that if you had independence from him that you wouldn't care to have him around. Making you feel dependent and inferior is how psychologically ties you to a leash. You wanted to know how to convey to him how much you love nursing, etc.... You can't, and you certainly don't have to; personally if someone hasn't experienced nursing first hand then they have no idea what kind of a person it takes to do that job and what kind of a mentality the person that is doing that job has. There is no way to convey that to him short of him getting the education and being a nurse. But back to the point here, the point is you feel like you have to convey this to him and you don't; you are separated from him which is good but he is still influencing your life which is bad, you need to drop him completely. In a way you are still feeling like you have to please him because that's what he has filtered into your mind over the past 18 years, it's hard to break that but it has to be done if you want to move on and achieve those goals that you do. As long as you keep him around he will do whatever he can to keep you from accomplishing those goals because it promotes your independence from him..........My opinion is that you silence him from your life completely.

Tell him to take a flying freak at a rolling donut!

If he is out of your life (as he should be if he's abusive) who cares what he thinks anymore?

As a male, I just cannot understand women that refuse to show a jerk to the door. There are too many of us good ones out there... and the bad ones give us all a hard time.

Women who grew up in abusive homes tend to gravitate toward abusive men because that's all they know. Isn't that a strange phenomenom?

Decidedly strange, IMHO.

It just doesn't compute to me.

AMEN to clee1's response. Move on with your life, without him in it. You will be absolutly amazed when you get away from him how free you will feel. This advice is coming from a guy who was married to an abusive woman, lol. Not physically, lol, but after our divorce I took a poll that defined abusive relationships and 7 of the 9 scenarios applied to me! I found out yesterday that she is getting married again. Poor guy, he doesn't have a clue what he's in for! Probably a nice guy too. Just my . Good luck!

AMEN to clee1's response. Move on with your life, without him in it. You will be absolutly amazed when you get away from him how free you will feel. This advice is coming from a guy who was married to an abusive woman, lol. Not physically, lol, but after our divorce I took a poll that defined abusive relationships and 7 of the 9 scenarios applied to me! I found out yesterday that she is getting married again. Poor guy, he doesn't have a clue what he's in for! Probably a nice guy too. Just my . Good luck!

I second that, bell47.

Been there...bought the tee shirt.

Life is so much better afterward.

Boundaries are your friend.

You ARE communicating that to him. The problem is not your method of communication; the problem is the receiver.

It wouldn't matter what you said or did; he is not going to "understand."

You aren't responsible for his WARPED perceptions. Stop trying to prove your innocence....even criminals are innocent until proven guilty.

Get away from him, far, far away.

I echo the others sentiments. He's already out the door. It's time for you to not let his words or thoughts have any bearing or opinion on your life.

You say you're separated, but he still has tremendous control over your feelings.

He's yesterday's news. There is no need for you to validate your current life to him. If he thinks you're crazy, stupid or looking for another man, those are his thoughts.

Cut the strings and the ties and move on.

Good luck.

I echo the others sentiments. He's already out the door. It's time for you to not let his words or thoughts have any bearing or opinion on your life.

You say you're separated, but he still has tremendous control over your feelings.

He's yesterday's news. There is no need for you to validate your current life to him. If he thinks you're crazy, stupid or looking for another man, those are his thoughts.

Cut the strings and the ties and move on.

Good luck.

nicenurse911121 - Sounds like Tweety has some good advice. BTW, are you divorced, or seperated? IMHO, a divorce is applicable since he refused any counseling, etc.

Good luck!

You gals and guys are wonderful, thanks for the time to take to share with me. Everyday is easier, and happier, and not quite as lonely as I thought it would be.

OK what I need to know is HOW can I convey to him how much I love nursing and caring for other ppl even in times of dire crisis..

as i guy i dont really understand why you feel the need to convey anything about your life and ambitions to an ex. will still need to deal with him regaurding your your kids so must be civial to him. a little advice, only talk with him about things that concern the kids nothing else. by trying to convey your feelings about nursing or wanting to help others your sharing a form of intancy which gives him hope, why he keeps trying to control the situatioin. its really up to you to break this cycle. hard i know, but you must act in a matter of fact way when dealing with him. if you need to tell him anything about your plans do just that, tell him. no need to explain anything, if he ask why just say "look, this is the decsion i made" and leave it at that. dont give him false hope. dont call him unless its about the kids. BTW how long have been seperated?