Is this even possible?

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

I know I should know this, I'll be a NP in December, but I am so mad right now I can not think.

I am scheduled for my repeat scope (EGD) on the 25th, a follow-up from the fiasco last month where I had a bleeding ulcer, lost 6 pints of blood, and almost died.

My husband knows this is scheduled, knows I'm nervous, and in his infinite wisdom, has chosen to do the absolute most inhuman, awful, stress-inducing thing he could.

He has invited my mother-in-law for the weekend before the scope. He initially said she would just come for Saturday, we would go for a meal, she would leave, "and she won't be in your hair for very long". Now he has changed it. She will be spending the night. He's even talking about not working that Sunday (if he worked, she would go home early).

I cannot stand my mother in law. I have tried to be nice since I have known her, but it has gotten to the point that I can not stand to be in the same room with her. She has psych issues (MAJOR bipolar) that she refuses to get help for. She alternately resembles a Chihuahua on speed, to be immediately followed by a crying jag. She punctuates every sentence with a Pillsbury Doughboy-like, high pitched little-girl giggle and a clap of her hands. Drives me crazy.

This was partly to blame for my condition, I feel, simply because of the stress. My husband accused me of being lazy and acting out because I did not like his family when I began manifesting s/s of the blood loss. His tune changed after I puked blood and passed out on him. He has not said anything like that since.

So, on the weekend that I need peace and quiet the most, I am going to be forced to put up with a dingbat who does not have the sense God gave a radish. Hubby's school of thought is that, since they (his mom and brother) finished packing up the vacation house after the ambulance took me away, I should put up with everything, like his brother as an every-weekend houseguest who leaves wet towels on my carpet, spit cups all over, and does not have the common decency to clean up after himself, and his mother as well, who, by all accounts, should be receiving inpatient treatment.

this is definitely my biggest stressor. Short of a divorce (and I do not want that), I don't know what to do. I guess I should feel bad for feeling like this, but I'm hoping you fellow daughters in law can sympathize.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

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Specializes in Acute Mental Health.

I'm so sorry your going through so much right now. Would you be comfortable telling your hubby to have fun with mumsies and you check into a nice hotel for the weekend? Just seems you might be much more relaxed (which is what you need right now). I'm sending you warm thoughts and hugs :redbeathe

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wow, angel.

i do try and understand both sides of a story...

but i'm with you on this.

(and my mil is awesome.)

isn't your husband aware of stress being a contributor to having an ulcer?

i guess the real issue is that i would think most couples would discuss these types of plans w/ea other before deciding.

i'd kick hubby on the upside if he ever made that type of decision w/o my input.

to me, the only thing you can do is demand for her to visit another weekend.

but whether it's now or later, you're still going to have to deal with the stress of your mil visiting for a weekend.

to me, it's irrelevant whether it's the weekend before your appt or any other time.

stress is stress, whether it is now or delayed.

hope you can work this out...

leslie

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I completely understand and sympathize with you; now for the solution:

Tell him to either put her up in a hotel or you'll go to one!!!!

You do not need the stress right now and if he's too thick-headed, 'head up his mother's aprons still to know what you need, then, You've got to "know for yourself."

I had this same problem with the MIL for 19 years and to this day, she still does not like me. But, you know what?

It's HER loss!!!!

Take care of YOU:)

Much love to you,

A

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Specializes in NICU.

Why not take off for the weekend, and let hubby and mumsies enjoy some quality bonding time?

Find yourself a nice, quiet hotel with a jacuzzi tub and room service....and get some much needed R&R. Let your MIL know how much you appreciate her coming to help your hubby out in your absence.

Then run to the bathroom.... :barf01:

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I agree, check yourself into a hotel for the weekend. Maybe he'll think twice before doing that again.

Take care.

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Thanks, guys. I HAVE told him. His response was that he has not seen her sine vacation, which he has not, about a month and a half. No dice, she calls every day, will NOT shut up, to the point that he usually hangs up on her.

Hubby still rankles over the fact that my folks live 5 miles away, and I see them about every day. They came and got me in FL, so he could go to work, drove 400 miles, but, of course, they were scared silly, too. Hubby said he could not miss another day of work without it "costing him". Yet he was able to take a day off 2 week later to fish. He "had buily up another vacation day by then." We had a MAJOR upset over that. He now knows that I have designs on that boat of his, and all he has to do is give me a reason.

I never knew apron strings could reach 100 miles. The thing is, he treats him mom like trash, talks to her like she is a dog, but let me say she's nuts, and the fight's on.

And the hotel's a no-go. He usually says "Well, I'll just tell them you don't want anything to do with them.", and make me out to be the bad guy. This is better than it used to be. He comes from a very chauvinistic, paternalistic family, that does not have a high view of women. Even less so women with an opinion. MUCH less so when they speak it. And they know I could care less what they think of me.

We get along ok, but the whole subservient thing does not fly with me.

And I'm very outspoken. I also happen to be six months away from being the principal breadwinner. He knows which side his bread is buttered on. If I get sick again and die, he will have to make it on his own.

He knows better than to push me too far. But this makes me so mad I can't see straight.

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Specializes in med-surg.
I'm so sorry your going through so much right now. Would you be comfortable telling your hubby to have fun with mumsies and you check into a nice hotel for the weekend? Just seems you might be much more relaxed (which is what you need right now). I'm sending you warm thoughts and hugs :redbeathe

I agree 110%. I love my family, but sometimes I just have to walk away (sorry, drive away with reservations in hand). I get the occassional jab from my oldest brother about 'running away from home' which usually stops when I remind him that I actually take care of Mom daily while he shows up for a couple of hours every other month.

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You can book a hotel room via one of the online services such as Priceline for very cheap. I got a two night stay in the Hyatt on the waterfront in Philly for under $100. You could probably arrange a similar stay in a quiet, comfortable location near you for around that much, or even less. It will be a small price to pay for protecting your health while your unwanted visitor is at your house.

You and you husband have issues that you need to address, preferably with a good therapist. But in the meantime, you have options.

Stress is always going to be present. Coping means figuring out ways to lessen its impact. Always remember that there may be a creative solution to what seems like an unsolvable dilemma.

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Stress is always going to be present. Coping means figuring out ways to lessen its impact. Always remember that there may be a creative solution to what seems like an unsolvable dilemma.

You mean other that running out in the yard and doing a primal scream? The last time i did that, I scared the neighbors. Maybe howling at the moon........

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Oh, and about the therapy, hubby says he's sane enough. Male chauvinist piglet.

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Specializes in NICU.
And the hotel's a no-go. He usually says "Well, I'll just tell them you don't want anything to do with them.", and make me out to be the bad guy.

Can I ask the obvious? So what? If you don't care, and they don't care....then go. Let him whine to his mom. She can spend the weekend wiping his nose.

Sorry things are craptastic. Get through this one.

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