I don't know if i can do this

ImDaMan11 · Jan 9, 2013

are you distraught about the patient dying, having to clean up the ashamed patient, or both?

i♥words · Jan 9, 2013

Yes, you can.

It sounds like you had a really rough day, and it's okay to cry. Obviously you have a great, sensitive heart; don't feel like that's a bad thing.

You can do this.

violetgirl · Jan 9, 2013

Yes, I think we can all understand where you are coming from... A kind human can feel the course of human events. You are going to have some rough days and some very rewarding ones too! I have a fear myself of all the sad events that can come with nursing and yet I keep telling myself there will be postive days to make up the difference. I used to work in special education and now in reg ed and have seen both sides of the coin. There are days you just want to run away, then a child smiles back at you that melts your heart, and your hooked all over again! :shy: Just follow your heart and remember to take care of you too! Blessings~ You sound like a wonderful caring nurse.

Alisonisayoshi, LVN · Jan 9, 2013

are you distraught about the patient dying having to clean up the ashamed patient, or both?[/quote']
It was both... And just back to back like that I'm just helping my patient wash up wanting to cry for the other patient and she just looked up at me with the saddest eyes and said how sorry she was. I told her to never be sorry, that it was okay, that I wouldn't be there if I didn't WANT to be given the privilege of helping her. But inside I just wanted to sob. The rest of my shift I just fought tears and kept it together. I came home just like "can I really have these kinds of days for the rest of my life?" I feel better now. Thank you to everyone for there kind words.

ImDaMan11 · Jan 9, 2013

that makes me pretty sad just thinking about it..the rain doesn't last forever though hun, remember that!

CMA2013 · Jan 12, 2013

I have always thought about; how do Nurses not cry their eyes out when a patient dies? Especially babies and kids? That's one thing that I will have a hard time with because I will probably ended up getting fired because I will end up crying with the patients' family. How do you hold it together? I'm very sensitive and caring for people's feelings. Just seeing people sad and hurting makes me cry.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Jan 12, 2013

I broke down when my first patient died. It was a code and we worked our butts off. She was a little older than me (just a few years) and had kids close to my age, it shook me to the core and we worked so hard. That was in school.

As a nurse we lost a baby. I broke down like my 8 year old son, rubbing my eyes with both hands and sobbing like a child.

It's ok to cry. I get tears in my eyes when we tell a mother she has to have a c-section, my heart breaks with hers.

It's life. You have a heart. It's ok to cry. You did well, you pushed on. You were strong. You CAN do this job!!!!!

Karaa · Jan 13, 2013

I work as a PCT at an ALF. I had a rough day, a patient died, here's the thing... Within two minutes I was cleaning a soiled patient who just kept apologizing from the shame she felt. I was reassuring her but she cried anyhow. I don't know if this can be my life. I want this so badly but I don't know if I can see this, do this, be this strong and not break down and cry, every day for the rest of my career. I am really freaking out ATM.[/quote
I know exactly how you feel. I work in a nursing home right now and it's partly a hospice so I see people I am close to die all the time and it really puts an impact on my life. But think of it this way you were there for them on their final days and you made an impact on there life. I know it's not easy believe me but its apart of life so things like that will happen being a nurse you just have to think of it in a positive way. Being a nurse is someone who cures and heals but when it comes to the dying process we are someone who supports and makes sure that their last days were special and if you think about it that way you will feel like you made a difference, and are glad they are in a better place thanks to your care and no longer suffering. You can do it!

Alisonisayoshi, LVN · Jan 13, 2013

I'm feeling better about it now, my ALF is psych not elder care so death is rare. It was really really hard, but I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that I gave her the best care I could.

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Jan 13, 2013

This post came at just the right time for me! I guess that's why I love AN! I cried at nursing school on Friday. I tried to tell both my mother and my partner about it and they laughed/ told me to be stronger.

I cried because first, a pt seemed to be declining/ having a major change in alertness and neither her nurse or the CNA seemed to care or notice. I have to admit, I really enjoy working with the pt so I was freaking out. Next a pt who seemed to be a chronic yeller of nonsensical stuff actually verbalized to me she was in a lot of (hemorrhoid related) pain due to the fact noone would transfer her from her wheelchair to her bed. Her CNA ignored her.

My last straw before breaking down was when a lady in the ALF dementia wing told me all about her upbringing, her grandmas immigration to her home country, her memories of childhood experiences with her grandma, the baby brother her mom lost, her father working in a job that nearly killed him during the depression, etc. she kept pausing, crying and apologizing for crying and I finally had to excuse myself to the bathroom before I started crying with her.

I went to the bathroom, shed a few tears, pulled myself together and thanked God for my gift of empathy as I also questioned how I will learn to do my job correctly and professionally in spite of my "gift".

We are so fortunate to have the opportunity to share in these people's lives. But yes I question my suitability for this profession considering my sensitivity. I just keep praying for God to show me how to be a good nurse even though I'm sensitive.

I

jellybean321 · Jan 13, 2013

Just you sharing this story tells me how GREAT of a nurse you would be. I work in a nursing home and there are too many nurses who just don't genuinely care. I'm not sure why they chose nursing as a profession but you clearly have a lot of compassion and a very caring heart. Don't ever give up on your dream. The nursing field NEEDS people like you to help these patients realize that someone does care for them and wants to help them. It's never easy losing a patient, especially when it's not common in your area of nursing. There have been times where I cried and thought how am I going to do this day in and day out? But its that moment when you realize you haven't chose nursing, but nursing chose you. Stay strong and keep on! Sounds like you'd be an amazing nurse =)