I. CAN'T. DIAGNOSE.

I have 44. Can't come fast enough.

Just went through this yesterday with a mom of one of my students who is a school nurse in the next town.

Me: he fell at recess, wrist is grossly swollen

her: is it fractured?

me: xray vision not working, too many clouds in the sky

her: ha that's funny, is it sprained?

me: my medical degree is coming snail mail, will need to wait to get it, then I can diagnose

her: real funny, what good are you?

me: please come get your son and make the decision yourself

sick of people

I go total technical talk... MY license from the state of California doesnt not allow me to diagnose only treat. You as the parent are responsible in determining medical needs. Yeah I get alot of "then what are good are you"- (what are you there for) type snarky responses but at the end of the day, im sorry it's my license and im the only one who will protect it.

Me, on the phone: Hi this is Wyvy from the land of tiny people. I have your tiny person here

Glad I'm not the only one who's X-ray vision is out of order!

I try to level with them by saying "if it was my son (I have a first grader) I'd have it looked at just to be on the safe side." I hate urging people to go to the Dr over some things, high deductibles and yadda yadda. But hey, never hurts, right? CYA- cover your booty!

I try to remind parents that unless a limb is hanging at a 90 degree angle where there isn't a joint, not even a doctor is going to tell you its broken until they do an xray. I usually go the "if it were my child" route.

"I left my xray glasses in my other pants"

Sometimes this voice stays in my head. Sometimes it accidentally slips out when I'm not paying attention. Some day it will get me in trouble, I know it will.

I used to use the "no x-ray vision" quote all the time when I lived in the academic land of tiny people. I was always amazed at the parents who got so mad when I sent their kid to the ER with a bone I was pretty sure was broken but I couldn't see it sticking out of the skin, so, ya know, there was room for doubt. That and the, "Do YOU have children?" ...well, I raise other people's for a living, apparently, but if I did YUP I'D DO THE SAME THING.

I get the "do you have children" even more in peds psych, often from parents who have lost parental rights, and I really have to control the little voice in the back of my head... I'm sometimes tempted to just say, "Yeah, I have a 3 year old." I mean, he's a cat, but he does have a human name...

This is why I just tell the parents what happened and what they would like to do with the child since I can't diagnose, BUT (if it's a bad case) I would suggest taking them to a doctor to see what's going on. If the doctor's prescribes medication, please make sure to ask them for a signed note that says what medication they want them to take and such and you can just come in and sign a form that lets me give them the medication for the time being.

If it's a bone issue like the kid fell and their ankle or leg hurts like the dickens, I tell the kids, my X Ray vision is failing me today because I didn't have my frito chili cheese chips today so I'm out of fuel, make them giggle and I call parents to get them as fast as they can to take them to get it checked out. CYA!

I have so many kids who come in the minute the doors open in the morning with some rash or other weirdness they want me to look at. I ask them if their parent saw it (ya know, since they've been here for about 30 seconds, max) and often they say "My mom wanted me to com here first and ask the nurse what she thinks it is". Even if I think I know what it is, I still can't prescribe a treatment, I left the prescription pad in the pocket of my pants with the X-Ray glasses, aren't we all so forgetful?

I have so many kids who come in the minute the doors open in the morning with some rash or other weirdness they want me to look at. I ask them if their parent saw it (ya know, since they've been here for about 30 seconds, max) and often they say "My mom wanted me to com here first and ask the nurse what she thinks it is". Even if I think I know what it is, I still can't prescribe a treatment, I left the prescription pad in the pocket of my pants with the X-Ray glasses, aren't we all so forgetful?

And then you call the parent, who asks repeatedly what you think it is and then becomes frustrated when you tell them to come back to get their rashy child actually diagnosed by a doctor.