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Discussion

How do I dump my study partner/friend ?

To make a long story short: In my first semester I became friends and study buddies with a classmate.:specs: We studied toghether the majority of the time. She's always available to study with me, and I can depend on her to show up. Now for the bad part.... she's whines and complains ALL THE TIME, have a negative attitude about nursing school, and expects me to RE-TEACH the whole lesson, and expects me to make copies of my notes ! :no:

SO she registered for a different class than I did( whoo hoo) for next semester.:yeah: However, yesterday she calls to tell me she wants to switch to the class I'm taking so that we can study toghether.:no: I love to help others who need help.:redpinkhe It also helps me to break down information for others who don't understand the information.But she expects me to teach her the material a day before exams. I think study groups are good to answer questions toghether and to break down tough subjects, but I hate being the one who is doing all the work ! How do I politely tell her " I don't want to study with you anymore" She's completley attached to me ! :(

Sorry its long... thanks for reading

Featured Replies

I would tell her very nicely that you've decided to start studying on your own. Explain that you feel your grade would benefit from veering away from group studying.

Just an idea...let us know how you make out!:nurse:

You can always tell her you just don't have time this term to get together to study due to family issues. Take yourself away from any situation where you would feel "guilty" for not studying with her. If she calls let voicemail get it first. Shows you are busy.

  • Author

But I love to study with other group members !!!! I just don't like to study with her by myself. I'm way too much of a timid person, I know I'll never be able to cut her off ! I guess I'll have to deal with her all the way through nursing school :(

  • Author

What if she see me studying with some one else ? and gets jealous ? I feel like I'm in another relationship, this is CRAZY !

I have a similar problem which I posted about a while ago...My buddy actually waited a few days after registration, checked to see which classes I was registered for and then switched ALL of her classes so that she'd have my exact schedule...yikes. She calls me to ask me questions all the time about dates of exams, lab skill deadlines, program info etc...things that are always mentioned IN CLASS. but the last few weeks I waited to call her back or didn't respond to her emails until a few days later. I think she final understands that I am not going to hold her hand anymore.

It is very frustrating but try to get involved with other people to study with.

If you can't handle a friend in NS, i.e. "you are a timid person"....how are you going to handle irate patients and rude doctors barking orders? Now is the time to stand up for yourself. There are nice ways to approach of course....But I would be honest and tell her it seems she doesn't like NS as she is complaining alot and that you need a positive person that adds meaningful details to the study sessions. Ask her if she can be positive and proactive in studying and let her decide if she wants to remain a study buddy.....

  • Expert
But she expects me to teach her the material a day before exams. I think study groups are good to answer questions toghether and to break down tough subjects, but I hate being the one who is doing all the work ! How do I politely tell her " I don't want to study with you anymore" She's completley attached to me ! :(

Sorry its long... thanks for reading

Tweak as needed:

"Dear Friend,

I have to tell you that I'm changing my study habits for this next class because I heard that it's a tough one. I'm going to be studying more [on my own/with other people] this time around. I [enjoyed/liked/tolerated] studying with you, but I've felt like it's mostly me doing the work for you, and I don't think it's helping you as much as doing it for yourself would. I really want you to pass the class, but you complain so much about school and how you are doing, I wonder if us studying together is working for you.

Also, I'm not going to be able to do the cram sessions [the day before/two days before/a week before] the test anymore. But if I do meet with a study group, I'll [let you/think about letting you] know where and when. I'll still be able to help you out [when you need it/from time to time/occasionally/when he** freezes over].

Meet you for coffee later?

Sincerely, Me"

*****************

P.S.: If you're worried about her seeing you studying with others...well then, don't meet for study groups in public--meet at your/their house. ;)

Or invite her to a study group with other people--I'm sure some of them won't tolerate her slacking either and she'll get the message quickly that she has to pull her weight if she wants to keep coming.

Or invite her to a study group with other people--I'm sure some of them won't tolerate her slacking either and she'll get the message quickly that she has to pull her weight if she wants to keep coming.

I think this is a very good idea. The others will squash any undesirable behavior or make her so uncomfortable she leaves.

This could allow you to drift apart 'slowly' so it doesn't seem to be you just severing the connection.

I agree. The study group idea is great. Tell her you don't have time for both and invite her too. That way you don't hang her out to dry, but you won't be her sole source for information.

Ew what a situation for you!!

Honesty is always my policy, and, learning to stand up for yourself now is a great idea!!

If not, then studying with her only with others would probably be helpful!

Good luck!

  • Expert

i would have lied and told her, "oh, no! let me switch and get put into your class! i'd rather be with that group anyway. let me take care of it." then do nothing. that way you know for sure the switch is never going to get made. you can blame it on the administration when the switch doesn't happen. when she calls you to find out why you didn't show up for class you say you don't know what happened, but lie again and say you spent 2 hours in administration trying to find out what happened with the request you put through ___ weeks ago, were told that if you didn't show up for the class you were originally scheduled for you would get in trouble. and, of course, you didn't get the names of anyone you talked to because you were so upset. this is one time when you can use bureaucracy to work for you.

Daytonite has a great point, as always!

What I do for people like that is to tell them that you will study the first half of the assignment and then she can study the second half of the assignment and that would make it easier on both of you. This usually stops the "you do all the work" people dead in their tracks and they find someone else they can use thus leaving you free to do your own thing. I've also done this, which some of your instructors may use as well, instead of a direct answer (i.e 1+1 = 2), you can ask questions to help people derive their own answers (if you had 1 orange and added another orange, how many do you have)? Make them work on the answer themselves. I will only do this when my first example doesn't work or if I really find that people would rather me answer for them instead of them trying themselves. It's okay to help others...until those people won't help themselves. Good luck and keep us posted!

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