How Do Moms Do It?

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Jan 21, 2009

The way you do it is realize that you have to make sacrifices and can't have everything you want for everybody that wants it, including yourself.

Weekends is something that I flushed down the toilet the day I started my prereqs. I have to squeeze every extra minute that I can out of a day to study to make good grades (not just pass).

You can easily get your Friday night's off if you want to work an 8 hour shift right after you have spent all day in class...but that is a day of studying that you will lose that you normally had during the week.

You never know what a semester will hold.

lpnflorida · Jan 21, 2009

I think you have answered your own question in many regards. You have made choices based on what your needs are.

Those needs will change throughout your career. Yes working every Fri and weekends has its downsides, just as working during the week might have different downers such as not seeing much of your child while they go to school or missing school events as you are at work.

Working in and of itself comes with benefits versus crosses to bear. We do the best we can based on our own circumstances.

I currently work ( my own request) to work everyweekend and Mondays. This was based on the medical needs of my loved one and the availabilty of his children to help when needed which was they have weekends off so that is when they are available.

When my daughter was young, I would work many shifts which were opposite of my husband to give her a stable life. With one parent always available. The downside it took a toll on the marriage.

GrumpyRN63, ADN, RN · Jan 21, 2009

I have had many schedules thru the years, nocs when I had one child and could swing split sleep schedule, normal clinic hrs when # 2 came along, and now w/ #3, all at different ages and a husband's schedule that includes lots of traveling on the whim, I have done WE baylor 8a-6pm sat and sun. It gives me the benies and a set schedule. I'm available before , during and after school for field trips, snow days, school vacas, school delays and early dismissals, etc. It works for me well right now and my kids don''t feel me missing as long as when I worked PM's. Someone has to be reliable and I have no one near me to help out.

FLmomof5 · Jan 21, 2009

This is what I tell my own children:

Once you have children, life as you know it - ends. Period. Life becomes all about the children and their needs. You will get your life back when the youngest moves out!

I was a single parent through my childrens' HS years. I worked FT and on-call (programming, not nursing). I have had to uproot them every time I changed jobs which averaged 3 yrs. I rarely, if ever, got child support. [i guess this is why I resent those who whine about alimony/child support.....but that is another subject!]

I am still working. My youngest is 16 and a sophomore. My new hubby is only home w/e's (His job is in SC, I/we live in FL.) so I still operate like a single mom. I have completed my pre-reqs (online). I begin nursing school in May. I currently have 3 children in college in one in the sandbox (Iraq).

How do we do it? Decide to do it and then just get it done. When you have no other options, you find a way. You simply CHOOSE how you feel about it. You can be thrilled with overcoming obstacles or bitter that life wasn't a party. Your choice.

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · Jan 21, 2009

I work every single Friday/Saturday night too...we just pack some family fun into the weeknights the best we can. i try to make sure I do all the week day stuff with my kids my friends that work M-F 8-5 cant do, like vol at the school, go on all the field trips...also there are many specials offered during the week that are NOT offered on the weekends, the movie theater has buy 1 get 1 free admission on Tuesdays...the local dinner has kids eat free on Thursdays. So we get some fun family time in.

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Jan 21, 2009

I'm a Fri/Sat weekend person too....and like racingmom said, we just do as much as we can during the week. My ds is in a morning preschool 3 mornings a week, so is not in school all day every day. We try to hang out together and go places during the week so Daddy can take over the weekend and nobody misses out. I agree that every Fri/Sat can get old but I remind myself that I get full benefits for working two nights a week, plus all my bills are paid (I'm the primary breadwinner).

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Jan 21, 2009

I have an oddball way of looking at parenthood--your children cannot always come first.

The rent/mortgage has to be paid or you won't have a place to sleep. No electricity means no heat or air. No water means no showers or clean laundry/dishes. No money means no food on the table.

I do what I can but I have had to miss a couple of important days of their school and holidays because I had to work and couldn't get the day off...what was I going to do? Quit my job over a school play?

It's also ok to take time out for yourself. Once, every two weeks, I go with a girlfriend and we get our nails done, toes done, and we see a dinner and a movie. I tell my husband unless someone is bleeding or getting ready to go to the hospital, not to call me.

The last weekend of last semester before exams, I got so frustrated b/c I couldn't get any work done, that I actually went to stay at a local hotel for two days because my grades HAD to be good for me to pass last semester and it was never quiet enough to study at home.

Silence, had never sounded so good.

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · Jan 21, 2009

I have an oddball way of looking at parenthood--your children cannot always come first.

I commend you for saying that---it is 100% true. With out a paycheck you can not provide your kids the basics to survive. My kids know I love them and even if a miss a ball game or a school program it does NOT mean I love them any less. Life is all about give and takes and kids need to learn that lesson as well.

cloister · Jan 21, 2009

I had three sons under the age of 4 at one point in my career. I worked a Wednesday/Friday/Saturday 12 hour nightshift for 4 years and then switched over to Friday/Saturday 12 hour nights when the 3rd little monster was born.

I hear what you're saying - it's hard to miss out on things, and it sure gives you a different outlook on weekends. I remember dreading them, because all I did was work and sleep.

I eventually switched over to working nights other than stright weekends when my youngest son started school. Now, I'm looking up at them and realizing that in a very few years it won't matter when I work because in all likelihood, they......won't be here. I can't believe I've almost got my family raised - where did the time go?

I'll tell you this: I have no regrets now over the weekends I worked, though it seemed like toil at the time. That schedule allowed my husband and me to take care of our kids at home and probably saved us a fortune in child care. It allowed me to be a room mom, Cub Scout leader, preschool helper, PTA pres, and busy mom to three spirited boys. It also allowed me to keep my hand in as a nurse and advance professionally. Some of my friends who are also in their forties are having a tough time now as they decide to go back to work after years of being out of the workplace. I really feel like I've had the best of both worlds and am beyond grateful that I was able to work the schedule I did when my kids were young.

Hang in there. The days are long, but the years are short. What you're doing is not easy, but I'm betting you won't regret it.

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2009

I commend you for saying that---it is 100% true. With out a paycheck you can not provide your kids the basics to survive. My kids know I love them and even if a miss a ball game or a school program it does NOT mean I love them any less. Life is all about give and takes and kids need to learn that lesson as well.

Thanks, I really appreciate it. :heartbeat

Decisions like that is the hardest part of being in nursing school. There are two schools of thought...be with them when they are young and go to school when they are older. Or go to school when they are young and chances are, they will have little to no memory of it when they get older.

Is there ever really a good age to miss anything these little lovebugs do? Of course not.

You just have to pick your poison and hope you made the right choice. In the end, I may not make all of the right decisions, but I am making a very conscious effort to the best I can.

That is all any of us can do.

S.N. Visit, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2009

I work PRN. I choose my shifts around my husband & daughter's schedules. Sometimes, the unforeseen comes up and I miss an activity. No one has been traumatized so far. :clown: I'm very lucky that I have a husband who can support us without me working. Hope you find a schedule that works best for you.