what have i gotten into?

Are you doing your LTC clinicals? They get to everyone. I honestly think they do LTC first to weed people out.

As one of my instructors said to me "remember you are not dealing with the normal elderly here, there are more elders in the community than there are in care". Since then, I've watched my diet and tried to exercise, cause I don't want that as my future.

I somethimes question myself about the decison I have made. But I cannot see myself doing anything other than Nursing. Hopefully you will eventually develop thick skin and can handle the trials of life....Just remember illnesses and death are out of our control...

I thank you both...its going to be a long..tough path i just pray im up for the challenge..and it was only my 4th day so...i just want this to be right for me...thank a bunch!

I didn't realize Hopkins had started!!! I am so disappointed I missed that! I am going to have to set my DVR!

You are in a really difficult position. I haven't seen much of those sorts of things like you do in LTC. But I watched my daddy die a terrible death from not taking care of himself, and now my mother is going through the same thing. (Not that everyone in LTC is there because they've neglected themselves.)

To comfort myself over my parents, I tell myself that they made these choices, and that reciprocity is a sure thing. Garbage in, garbage out. They're dealing with terrible pain, but I see their lives as a lesson to me. Their plight isn't in vain, because I can pass on a legacy of doing the right thing as a result of seeing them suffer at the end.

It doesn't help much, I know. I'm REALLY sensitive as well. It's very hard for me to put situations like that in perspective. But I realize that, eternally, they're a small part of the lessons we're suppose to pass on to ourselves and our families.

How beautiful that you can be there to provide them a little mercy from their illness. That's a really awesome job for anyone to have, and few ever have the opportunity to be able to give that gift to others.

I agree with daughterofzion, its really amazing how as a nurse, you can learn lessons to pass on to your family about your health and life in general. You learn not to take anything for granted when you see so many people around you dying. Life is way shorter than we realize.

My best advice to you is to accept and acknowledge everything you see but dont obsess on it. Ive developed quite a dark sense of humor working with the elderly, but it's how I rationalize it, i guess. I love them all(well...most of them) to death but if I sat & cried over everyone that died, I would spend my whole life doing it and not living my own.

I start my LPN program later this month, but I have been working in a nursing home for nearly a year now as an activities assistant. When I first started, after switching from a career in teaching, I was pretty taken aback with how some people were faring in LTC. I thought long and hard about it, and realized that even though you see these elderly people now, frail and sick in bed, with no chance of recovery, you have to realize that you are seeing a small snapshot of their whole life. If your patient is a senior, you need to be glad for that person that he/she lived a good, long life, and made it to the age they currently are. He/she is a SURVIVOR. That is what happens to any body if it ages long enough. I may never see that age, so I actually envy those people who no longer have to worry about dying too young.

Think of it this way: elderly people no longer have that nagging thought in the back of their heads, "Well, what will happen to my children if I die early? Will I live to see my grandchildren? What if I die in the prime of my life? What if something cuts me down early? What if I get run over by a big truck? Die in a plane crash? I want to live out a full life." I don't know about you, but I'm 40 and I always wonder if I'll make it another year, let alone to my 80's like all the lucky, lucky people I work with. No, they're not lucky to be suffering in the here and now. But silently congratulate them for GETTING to the here and now. And when they die, it is sad, but by no means a tragedy.

It takes special people to work in LTC, no doubt about it. What has helped me deal with the depressing parts is dedicate myself to making a small difference in the lives of the residents I meet. It can be a simple as getting them a stash of kleenex or an extra blanket. Giving them a moment, a smile- a kind touch. The best we can do is give them TLC and comfort in their final years. Especially for the residents who cannot speak for themselves. I think if you dedicate yourself while in clincals to not only learn there but to make a difference in each resident you come in contact with, you will feel very satisfied and not so helpless at what you witness.

To the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may be the world

We had to do a few weeks on the pediatric LTC floor. I went home and cried and told my husband I was never going back. He said, oh yes you are, this is just a bad day and these people need someone to take care of them. I went back and finished LPN school. I still cry from time to time. But I know that these people need me. I am the one to advocate for them, make sure they are comfortable and out of pain. I am there so they know that at least one person cares. I can't change their illness or disablility, but I can make sure they have the best of care.

It is an overwhelming experience! Don't expect yourself to know how to react to the things you are seeing as a new student. It takes time to develop the skills (and sometimes the stomach) needed to survive in that environment. Give it a chance!