Found a trigger...

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As I sit here and ponder why are people so mean, I realize this is a HUGE trigger for me! Always has been, but why am I just now seeing how it pushed me over the edge for so long. I hate mean people, I cant stand when they are mean for no reason and yet there is nothing I can do.

My family was always terrible to me, if you ask them I was never good enough and to this day I am still not.

My mother in law, she's just horrible!

My co-workers (not all) but a great deal of them are techs who are mad because I get paid more and am an RN. (not my fault if you want it you can achieve it, all you have to do is show up for school)

My "friends", those who were there for the party but ran off when the cops showed up so to speak.

I guess I never really seen until now how little people actually care for me, I used because I was lonely. I didn't want to burden my husband, he works so much already. So I began to self medicate, had a legit Rx and realized it made me nice and numb. The Oxycodone took all those feelings that I had away, I didn't have to feel a thing. Look where that got me...

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Med/Surg.

Hi HunnieBadger-

I can so relate to what you are saying. As I have mentioned before, I used to compulsively gamble and got in trouble with the BON for drug diversion 14 years ago.

Anyway, one of the main things I liked about gambling and/or taking opiates was that I didn't need anyone. It was so much easier to gamble or take a pill than try to relate to people in a more than superficial manner.

It is really late and I need to get to bed but I wanted to respond to your post because it really hits home for me.

Thanks for your honesty.

Catmom :paw:

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Specializes in critical care, ER,ICU, CVSURG, CCU.

love to you both....... the most important relationship i need to have is with my higher power and myself......if I keep that relationship healthy, my foundation is set..... i am not responsible for others behavior, only i am resonsible "for my reaction to their behavior" :sniff:

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Specializes in ER, TRAUMA, MED-SURG.

Hunnie, catmom and Sally - u guys are awesome! U all post things that really hit home, most of the time right on target for me.

Love y'all! Anne, RNC

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Adversity...man have I traveled that road. I'm still on that road. I have not used nor diverted but I smoked tobacco and would have a few get togethers with my friend the Captain M and Pepsi at home...alone.

The first step is admitting and seeing yourself. The next is surround yourself with positive people. I don't give any of my valuable time to those who have nothing but negative things to say. I ask my self "in a hundred years are these people going to matter?" IF The answer is no...I move on.

((HUGS))

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Sounds so familiar. I definitely relate. I wish everyone worked a 12 step program. I wish I could ask people "And what step are you on?" lol But they dont and when I come across the angry, bitter population I turn it around and look at it as kind of an assignment from God and an opportunity to practice my program. It helps to tell myself that this is their crap and sometimes we just manage to get in their line of fire.

As my sponsor would tell me "Pray for them".

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Right?! My sponsor always says "well it sounds like they are sick people". It usually makes me mad at first and then she reminds me that this is about my spiritual journey, no one else. Ugh! It is true and once I reframe my mindset I always feel better.

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