Everything is falling apart...(vent )

TakeTwoAspirin, MSN, RN, APRN · Jun 22, 2009

OK, if you can't move in with your future husband perhaps his parents contribution (as they can't make a financial one) might be to have you live with them for a short while? Just a though.

Sorry you are having a rough time, but just hand in - chant with me, "five more weeks, five more weeks....."

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN · Jun 22, 2009

OK, if you can't move in with your future husband perhaps his parents contribution (as they can't make a financial one) might be to have you live with them for a short while? Just a though.
Sorry you are having a rough time, but just hand in - chant with me, "five more weeks, five more weeks....."

Thanks so much. I'm chanting ! In just four weeks I'll be done with NS ( for now at least)... and in 5 weeks total I'll be married.

sunflower777 · Jun 22, 2009

oh wow! )))hugs((( it does sound like you have your hands full! but you only have a month before graduating that is a huge accomplishment and you're not far from it...i was going to suggest maybe getting married at the courts in your local town or something??..hey just an fyi, a good friend of mines was going to get married and like 2 weeks before the wedding, they had a financial emergency and had to cancel and called everybody that they invited but they eloped 2 months later and just had a reception. don't give up! :nono: you do have options! trust me people will understand especially nowadays!

scrublifenurse10, LPN · Jun 22, 2009

Can you try to live with your parents or his parents for the 5 weeks? Or maybe a single friend from NS?? If not, do you think your cousin would hold off on the dog for just 5 weeks until you are married and out of there?

As for not feeling like a good wife....do NOT do that to yourself. I'm a wife (married 15 years) and mother of 1 and just went back to NS. I used to feel guilty about being in school and not working, but came to realize I'm investing for my families future. You WILL get a great job soon enough...don't be worried about it.

Best of luck to you!

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Jun 22, 2009

My suggestion is that your fiance take over the financial responsibility for the wedding since it is his strong desire to have one.

I'm also concerned that the two of you haven't received the proper pre-marital advise that will help your marriage in the long run. Shared decisions, such as having a fancy wedding, should be made thoughtfully. It sounds like you are bowing to his wishes, then carrying a great deal of the burden fulfilling them.

I see many women doing this throughout their marriages. Their husband is constantly wanting a new boat, snowmobile, ATV, or other type of guy toy. The nurse wife is picking up extra shifts to pay for all these things. This becomes the pattern of th marriage, with the wife convinced that her role is to provide the extra income to keep these spending habits viable.

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN · Jun 22, 2009

Thanks everyone for the advise. I feel so much better. My cousin and I talked and she had a brilliant idea.... that we don't do a sit down dinner reception but instead just serve cake and punch after the wedding. This will save us 600 dollars !!! My fiance and I agreed to just have the wedding and the mini reception and that's it. We'll probably go out to dinner afterwards with close family and friends. Whew. What a load off. He feels that burden lifted also. As for the living situation thats still up in the air. I did call an agency I used to work for so I should be picking up some extra shifts with in the next week or so... so things are looking a better.

sharpeimom · Jun 22, 2009

if you love each other, don't sweat the actual wedding. we had a wedding that would have rivaled princess diana's (well... almost) planned for may. gown picked out, flowers chosen, church reserved, attendants' dresses chosen, we'd bought a house and were remodeling it. invitations bought, addressed but not mailed. perfectly planned. then i got my mom's phone call. her ca had returned. now in her remaining breast and milk ducts both, liver, pancreas, bones, brain and she had only a few weeks to live.

we decided to move our wedding up -- whatever that might take. we were married five weeks later. i wore a pink dressy dress i already had, my attendants wore bone-colored suits and grey silk blouses for the bridesmaids and pink silk for my matron of honor. my flower girls (cousins' kids) happened to already have matching grey velvet party dresses with pink and green silk and satin roses. the men all wore navy suits and pink ties. it was december 13, and we decorated the church and alter with pale pink, deep pink and white poinsettias which we then left behind except for one of each color. we had a lovely rehearsal dinner, and the reception was held in the church social hall and the church ladies served. what we planned? nope. the family came from many states, lots of friends, laughter, tears, it was wonderful and we honeymooned in europe in the summer. my mom died just a few weeks later. don't get hung up on the one day because it's just that -- one day. we had a lovely wedding and are still going strong more than two and a half decades later. please, please don't forget the words compromise or laughter. in a lasting good marriage, they both come up often. being right isn't everything.

kathy

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

AOx1 · Jun 22, 2009

Absolutely- if people worried more about the marriage and less about the wedding, I think the divorce rate would be lower. I don't like events and ceremonies, and have a few money saving tips. We had a very low key wedding. Went to justice of the peace, had friends over for a burger and steak competition, lol. Everyone made their favorite steak or burger, cut it into small pieces so others could try it, and we made it into a competition for the best steak and best burger. Those not competing made side items and salads. I made a ton of tea and provided a $50 gift card for the winner of best steak and best burger. Everyone had a blast, ate til we were stuffed, and it cost me all of $100. I asked everyone to bring a camera instead of a gift, and to shoot random pics throughout the evening. Everyone loaded them onto photobucket and I had them printed off at 15 cents each, and had a whole album full of pics for much less than the cost of a pro photographer (had around 300 pics for about $45 dollars).

You can think up so many ways to make it fun and low cost. If he still wants a fancy ceremony, you could do so in a few years if you renew your vows. We've been married 16 years now and renewed our vows in Paris.

As far as living arrangements, have you considered a temporary live-in caregiver position? Maybe there is an elderly member of your community who could provide a room for you if you help out with something like light housekeeping and meal prep.

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN · Jun 23, 2009

if you love each other, don't sweat the actual wedding. we had a wedding that would have rivaled princess diana's (well... almost) planned for may. gown picked out, flowers chosen, church reserved, attendants' dresses chosen, we'd bought a house and were remodeling it. invitations bought, addressed but not mailed. perfectly planned. then i got my mom's phone call. her ca had returned. now in her remaining breast and milk ducts both, liver, pancreas, bones, brain and she had only a few weeks to live.
we decided to move our wedding up -- whatever that might take. we were married five weeks later. i wore a pink dressy dress i already had, my attendants wore bone-colored suits and grey silk blouses for the bridesmaids and pink silk for my matron of honor. my flower girls (cousins' kids) happened to already have matching grey velvet party dresses with pink and green silk and satin roses. the men all wore navy suits and pink ties. it was december 13, and we decorated the church and alter with pale pink, deep pink and white poinsettias which we then left behind except for one of each color. we had a lovely rehearsal dinner, and the reception was held in the church social hall and the church ladies served. what we planned? nope. the family came from many states, lots of friends, laughter, tears, it was wonderful and we honeymooned in europe in the summer. my mom died just a few weeks later. don't get hung up on the one day because it's just that -- one day. we had a lovely wedding and are still going strong more than two and a half decades later. please, please don't forget the words compromise or laughter. in a lasting good marriage, they both come up often. being right isn't everything.
kathy
sharpeimom:paw::paw:

thanks for your advice ! i've been hearing the words compromise alot lately.

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN · Jun 23, 2009

Absolutely- if people worried more about the marriage and less about the wedding, I think the divorce rate would be lower. I don't like events and ceremonies, and have a few money saving tips. We had a very low key wedding. Went to justice of the peace, had friends over for a burger and steak competition, lol. Everyone made their favorite steak or burger, cut it into small pieces so others could try it, and we made it into a competition for the best steak and best burger. Those not competing made side items and salads. I made a ton of tea and provided a $50 gift card for the winner of best steak and best burger. Everyone had a blast, ate til we were stuffed, and it cost me all of $100. I asked everyone to bring a camera instead of a gift, and to shoot random pics throughout the evening. Everyone loaded them onto photobucket and I had them printed off at 15 cents each, and had a whole album full of pics for much less than the cost of a pro photographer (had around 300 pics for about $45 dollars).
You can think up so many ways to make it fun and low cost. If he still wants a fancy ceremony, you could do so in a few years if you renew your vows. We've been married 16 years now and renewed our vows in Paris.
As far as living arrangements, have you considered a temporary live-in caregiver position? Maybe there is an elderly member of your community who could provide a room for you if you help out with something like light housekeeping and meal prep.

Sounds like you had a fantastic wedding ! I can't to get married now. We had to cut back alot but I'm sure it'll still be great.

yesdog, BSN, RN · Jun 23, 2009

BREATHE GIRL!!!......JUST BREATHE!!!

Just 5 more weeks!!!

You can do it!

Breathe!