What we have learned from our patients!!!

Come on everyone, lets get this list going. This could be very interesting, and a time to get away from the "bad".

definately "2 beers".. all of our drunks have only had 2 beers. Its like they have some club out there and someone has told them that if they only admit to drinking 2 beers then they wont get arrested when they are driving with a BAC of 300...

and those smokers who come in with yellow fingernails and a smokers cough. When they come in with bronchitis symptoms and I ask how much they smoke, they say.... "not much since I have been feeling bad"....ok... how about when you arent feeling bad? well, 2-4 packs per day.

we have those 2 guys here too. well, maybe just one of them. "some guy" who beat the crap out of the guy at the bar. Of course they didnt know each other, he just ran into the other guys fist...

i've learned that a shampoo bottle does not make a good sex toy.

i've learned that you really shouldn't attempt to beat the hell out of an authority figure that is trying to help you because it will either (a) get you sent directly to jail or (b) get you strapped on an ER gurney in 4 point leather restraints.

i've learned that you really can celebrate new year's eve out of bedpans and urine specimen cups because someone forgot the paper plates and plastic cups.

i've learned to never lie to the cops and doctors about not being the drunk driver in an MVA because the seat belt marks will give you away every time.

I have also learned that when you are the only occupant of a single car MVA, its not very likely that the police will buy the story that you were the passenger.

I have also learned that when you are the only occupant of a single car MVA, its not very likely that the police will buy the story that you were the passenger.

Chest pain/SOB

"I only take one Ativan a day....but i'm out" (in ER last week for a fillup)

I think we should get this list started up again!!!! I know you guys know some good ones.

Or, " I was mindin my own biddness. I don't know why them two dudes cut me."

"I didn do nuffin"

I have learned that the geriatric population are really houdini's when it comes to restraints.

I have learned that old people have the potential to be stronger than the "strong man" (especially when they have a hold of your breast).

I have learned that a drug seekers pain is more important than someone coding. :angryfire

I have learned that not having a clean uniform is a good enough excuse to not come into work....(just ask my manager--that was her excuse time after time).

I have learned to keep my mouth shut when coming within vomiting distance of someone.

I am sure there are more things that I have learned but those are in the forefront of my brain.