What we have learned from our patients!!!

Ok all, lets get this list together....

1-Watch out for those "two guys", they are in every city and are out to get everyone.

2-All Rectal FB happen when you slip in the shower, kitchen, wherever you are (naked never the less).

3-Two beers at 6:00am and it is now 9:00pm will get you a blood ETOH of 300.

Keep them coming everyone.:rotfl:

[mhull]

Come on everyone, lets get this list going. This could be very interesting, and a time to get away from the "bad".

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN, CNS]

You are so right about the "two dudes" - however, in my town they are always waiting on a bus to take them to church.

[veetach]

definately "2 beers".. all of our drunks have only had 2 beers. Its like they have some club out there and someone has told them that if they only admit to drinking 2 beers then they wont get arrested when they are driving with a BAC of 300...

and those smokers who come in with yellow fingernails and a smokers cough. When they come in with bronchitis symptoms and I ask how much they smoke, they say.... "not much since I have been feeling bad"....ok... how about when you arent feeling bad? well, 2-4 packs per day.

we have those 2 guys here too. well, maybe just one of them. "some guy" who beat the crap out of the guy at the bar. Of course they didnt know each other, he just ran into the other guys fist...

i've learned that a shampoo bottle does not make a good sex toy.

i've learned that you really shouldn't attempt to beat the hell out of an authority figure that is trying to help you because it will either (a) get you sent directly to jail or (b) get you strapped on an ER gurney in 4 point leather restraints.

i've learned that you really can celebrate new year's eve out of bedpans and urine specimen cups because someone forgot the paper plates and plastic cups.

i've learned to never lie to the cops and doctors about not being the drunk driver in an MVA because the seat belt marks will give you away every time.

[JBudd, MSN]

Your drunks wear seatbelts?!? :chuckle

[veetach]

I have also learned that when you are the only occupant of a single car MVA, its not very likely that the police will buy the story that you were the passenger.

[veetach]

I have also learned that when you are the only occupant of a single car MVA, its not very likely that the police will buy the story that you were the passenger.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN, CNS]

I forgot the most important thing - beer comes in 40 ouncers! (I don't drink and had no clue until I became an ER nurse!)

Chest pain/SOB

"I only take one Ativan a day....but i'm out" (in ER last week for a fillup)

[mhull]

I think we should get this list started up again!!!! I know you guys know some good ones.

Or, " I was mindin my own biddness. I don't know why them two dudes cut me."

"I didn do nuffin"

I have learned that the geriatric population are really houdini's when it comes to restraints.

I have learned that old people have the potential to be stronger than the "strong man" (especially when they have a hold of your breast).

I have learned that a drug seekers pain is more important than someone coding. :angryfire

I have learned that not having a clean uniform is a good enough excuse to not come into work....(just ask my manager--that was her excuse time after time).

I have learned to keep my mouth shut when coming within vomiting distance of someone.

I am sure there are more things that I have learned but those are in the forefront of my brain.

I have learned that a call to the doc at 0300 will not get you the same quality of response as one at 1500.

I have learned that when the fan is covered in faeces and the doc has not responded in an appropriate manner (maybe because it is 0300) that the doc will direct the fan away from him/her self (do you think that it might be at the nurse?).

I have learned that no matter how many tattoos and piercings a person might have that stitches and IM's will always elicit whimpers - no matter the skill or level of freezing.

I have learned that a night in ER that does not involve stabbings and drunks and general craziness can revert back to zoo status just by someone saying, "Gee, it sure is QUIET tonight".

I have learned that I work with really great nurses and docs in our little hospital and that no matter what or how many come through the door that we will all do our best - and that is a great thing to know.

I have learned that when those two guys call you on the phone saying they're coming to kill you that you should run to the nearest liquor store, past 3 public phones, the police department, and the fire department.

When you arrive at the closed liquor store, grab the biggest rock you can find and break the window, setting off the alarm. While you're waiting for help (the police) to arrive to save you from those two guys, sit on the curb and drink a fifth of Jack Daniels you liberated from the store to calm your nerves.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i've learned that a pulse oximeter on the penis gives a very poor waveform.

[color=#4b0082]

[color=#4b0082]apparently, it is also very uncomfortable.

[color=#4b0082]

[color=#4b0082]and it can be frightening when you awaken in the middle of the night and naturally want to check on the status of your most prized body part, to see it glowing red in the dark!

[color=#4b0082]

I have learned that the virgin birth was not an isolated incident, (we have about 4-5 aweek in my rural ER)

I have learned that when you fight with the LAW the LAW will always win.

I have learned that nurses and doctors apparently have no sense of smell because the pt with the BAL of 400 doesn't think we can SMELL the ETOH on his breath.

I have learned that if you have met the CEO or DON of my hospital you apparently think you will get to see the ER doc alot sooner.("I don't care if you have 6 traumas and a code going on, I have a splinter in my toe and if you don't let me see the doctor now I am going to call my good friend Mr.****)

I have learned that it is apparently very easy to loose things( tampons, condoms, money , rings) in a vagina.

I have learned that a person with frequent chronic pain sx has a very short memory-" Mr.Smith you were here every day this week for a pain shot and Mon you got a RX for lorcets" Mr smith-" No, I wasn't here you must have mistaken me for someone else, I don't have any lorcets thats why I'm here"

I'm sure I could think up more, but thats all for now.

[galenight, BSN, RN]

I have learned that sometimes the only thing that keeps some of the patients from sucking the life out of you is a sense of humor.

I have learned that chest pain in a 20 something year old is not necessarily costochondritis, but may actually be an inferior wall MI (seen 2 in the last 6 months).

I have learned that no matter how nice you are and how often you reorient a confused, demented, phychotic and aggressive elderly patient, it will not stop them from lashing out at you (and ineveitably calling you names)

I have learned that docs who have worked in our facility for a mere 3 months think they know more about our protocols than I do, when I've worked there 8+ years.

I have learned not to say the names of the frequent flyers, for they will then arrive forthwith.

I have learned that nursing is both my passion and my achilles heel.