There have been a lot of threads on bullying lately and some of the advice given has been less than ideal. Bullying is world wide (isn't THAT depressing) and is not confined to nursing but if we never action it, it will never go away. The other day I attended a workshop on bullying and I thought I might be able to translate some of that here.

My Aim in starting this thread is to get everyone to participate in a discussion about what exactly is bullying, then we can, together look at ways to stop it. Throughout the thread I will add links to websites such as http://www.workplacebullying.co.uk/

So that this can become a resource for all of us.

What is Bullying??

Bullies rarely see themselves in that role and sometimes what you think is an innocent action can be seen by another person as bullying. Below I have listed some statements/behaviours that may or may not constitute bullying.( You can add your own if you like;)) Have a look through them and decide if they are bullying or not - there are no real wrong answers - the idea is to have some fun. You don't have to answer all of these - you can pick out those you feel comfortable answering.

A) Do you ALWAYS leave that monitor off?

B) making eye contact with someone

C) The reason why we do that this way is............

D) Standing with your arms crossed while talking to someone else

E) Making personal comments about how someone walks

F) Standing with hands on hips while talking to someone

G) Pointing your finger at another person

H) "A lot of people here don't like how you work"

I) "Did you realise that it is policy here that we do things X way and not Y way"

J) "The other day you left things in a mess - you didn't date your fluid chart, you didn't put a time on that entry, you didn't fill in this form completely you didn'twash your coffee cup, you didn't tidy up. you didn't write in this book you didn't..............."

K) "You people on nights have it easy"

participate in a discussion about what exactly is bullying, then we can, together look at ways to stop it.

What is Bullying??

H) "A lot of people here don't like how you work"

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In typical fashion i'd have to say this is classic bullying type stuff. A lot of people isn't very specific, puts you on the defensive, and leaves the bully off the hook as far as owning his/her own feelings. It truly may be only one or two people who really dislike you in a workplace but the bully wants the target to feel isolated.

***********

J) "The other day you left things in a mess - you didn't date your fluid chart, you didn't put a time on that entry, you didn't fill in this form completely you didn'twash your coffee cup, you didn't tidy up. you didn't write in this book you didn't..............."

***********

I think this is Obsessive Compulsive disorder at it's worst and thankfully Paxil will treat that

K) "You people on nights have it easy"

I didn't see B, C, or D as particularly bullying, and F might or might not be. (I find context and tone of voice as important as body language. C could be bullying in an exaspirated tone, but it could just be mentoring.)

E really struck me. On another thread, the importance of not taking professional criticism personally was noted, but it ought to be pointed out that personal criticism isn't professional, either. Ridiculing others is clearly wrong, but I think it's also important to recognize that someone can be a competent co-worker without being particularly pleasant company. I might be willing to criticize someone for being bad-mannered or negative, but I think it's important to resist thinking badly of a co-worker who isn't an interesting conversationalist, lacks a sense of humor, or is homely looking. Witty, attractive, and cool are nice, but what I need is someone who does his or her job well, because that makes my job easier.

P.S. Great thread--I hope it takes off.

I think this thread is a great idea, too much bullying is going on in the name of....you name it! I've been fortunate to have worked with many great, compassionate nurses who've helped me grow personally and professionally. I have also had the misfortune of working in an environment that actively encouraged bullying. Time to say enough, and look into what we do when faced with this. I've seen young, promising grads get chewed up and spit out as well as the seasoned nurses. It may be that this thread will start us on the path of healing for our own profession. Hey, Mike, congratulations!!!! :balloons: and you'll do very well!

K) You people on nights have it easy. - This was said to me just yesterday from a nurse on day shift who has never worked a night shift in her life. Working on nights, I would make sure my work was done and report taped before she came in because she would look at me as if to say "What the heck have you been doing all night?" I don't work nights any more but I hear the night RN who took my place is experiencing the same problem. Any advise?

G) Pointing your finger at another person

H) "A lot of people here don't like how you work"

J) "The other day you left things in a mess - you didn't date your fluid chart, you didn't put a time on that entry, you didn't fill in this form completely you didn'twash your coffee cup, you didn't tidy up. you didn't write in this book you didn't..............."

K) "You people on nights have it easy"

G. This is aggressive behavior. That is THE one thing I hate. It happened to me once. Totally unacceptable. It belittles and intimitates - which is what bullys get off on.

H. Passive -aggressive. As another poster said, it demeans the person without directly implicating the bully. It leaves the person wondering who the people who don't like the way they work are.

J. This is harrassing. They may be things that need to be addressed, but lumping them all together, in an accusatory way makes the other person feel like a failure all the way around. "You can't do anything right!"

K. Derogatory. Classic "I work harder than you do" Also an example of problems between shifts that seem to happen everywhere, in every situation.

Gee, I've been so bullied and haven't realized it. I've been so defensive of my fellow nurses and now realize what a hostile environment it is.

I choose my battles carefully, and am strong enough, thick skinned enough, and assertive enough to be able to handle most of those situations mentioned above and not be horribly bothered.

What is a better way of saying #I to someone who has violated a policy and you want to help them?

What's wrong with eye contact? I thought looking someone in the eye is an effective way to communicate. I guess it depends on what you're saying.

I didn't see B, C, or D as particularly bullying, and F might or might not be. (I find context and tone of voice as important as body language. C could be bullying in an exaspirated tone, but it could just be mentoring.)

E really struck me. On another thread, the importance of not taking professional criticism personally was noted, but it ought to be pointed out that personal criticism isn't professional, either. Ridiculing others is clearly wrong, but I think it's also important to recognize that someone can be a competent co-worker without being particularly pleasant company. I might be willing to criticize someone for being bad-mannered or negative, but I think it's important to resist thinking badly of a co-worker who isn't an interesting conversationalist, lacks a sense of humor, or is homely looking. Witty, attractive, and cool are nice, but what I need is someone who does his or her job well, because that makes my job easier.

P.S. Great thread--I hope it takes off.

Mike you are right - I added in some that were NOT bullying statements/behaviours to make it more challenging/interesting.

B) Making eye contact is assertive behaviour and acceptable whereas staring is not.

C) Is also not bullying - it is common and neccessary explaination to someone else. The reverse and more bullying form of this statement is "Just get on with your job and accept that here we do things our way!!"

E) I had happen to me - person told me I "Walked like a penguin" I was very proud of myself - I didn't slap her in the face - merely did the worst thing - ignored the comment completely.

participate in a discussion about what exactly is bullying, then we can, together look at ways to stop it.

What is Bullying??

H) "A lot of people here don't like how you work"

***********

In typical fashion i'd have to say this is classic bullying type stuff. A lot of people isn't very specific, puts you on the defensive, and leaves the bully off the hook as far as owning his/her own feelings. It truly may be only one or two people who really dislike you in a workplace but the bully wants the target to feel isolated.

***********

J) "The other day you left things in a mess - you didn't date your fluid chart, you didn't put a time on that entry, you didn't fill in this form completely you didn'twash your coffee cup, you didn't tidy up. you didn't write in this book you didn't..............."

***********

I think this is Obsessive Compulsive disorder at it's worst and thankfully Paxil will treat that

K) "You people on nights have it easy"

:rotfl: you are right on both counts!!

This is a Canadian site with some good information

http://www.safety-council.org/info/OSH/bullies.html

Schoolyard bullying - the torment of one child by another - is often compared to workplace bullying. Both types represent a grab for control by an insecure, inadequate person, an exercise of power through the humiliation of the target. School bullies, if reinforced by cheering classmates, fearful teachers or ignoring administrators, grow up to be dominating adults. When they join the work force, they continue to bully others.

This is important to realise - the bully themselves are often insecure, inadequate people. This can though, especially in our "caring" profession lead to the person and their behaviour being excused. "Oh! Well she is going through a hard time at home." or "Things are just getting of top of her at present." This happened to me until I realised I had been "excusing" unacceptable behaviour for more than 2 years!!! Enough was enough!

This is a Canadian site with some good information

http://www.safety-council.org/info/OSH/bullies.html

This is important to realise - the bully themselves are often insecure, inadequate people. This can though, especially in our "caring" profession lead to the person and their behaviour being excused. "Oh! Well she is going through a hard time at home." or "Things are just getting of top of her at present." This happened to me until I realised I had been "excusing" unacceptable behaviour for more than 2 years!!! Enough was enough!

The mention of "customers" as workplace bullies is interesting. This thread and others have lately given me a lot to think about in terms of relations with co-workers, but it occurs to me that I've come to see the behaviors of some patients and/or family members as an inevitable part of the environment, like bad smells or sad outcomes. Being a nurse means you sometimes have to clean up feces, or blood, or sputum. If you want to be a nurse, put gloves on and deal with it. Being a nurse sometimes means people you care about die, or have limbs amputated, or find out they'll never walk again. If you want to be a nurse, you find a way to give as much as you can, but not so much that you can't survive it. But, all too often, being a nurse means dealing with jerks, and while it may be the case that anxiety, frustration, or pain underlie the superficial jerkiness, in other cases people were jerks long before they were ill or hurt.

I suppose many of the same strategies apply, but frankly, I'm a lot more optimistic about a world in which nurses look out for each other than a world in which our clients behave themselves. But maybe if nurses looked out for each other, the others wouldn't matter so much.

Hi,

L) You know Gaynor well when her father died she got on with it better than you have over your sister dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finger in face-I worked in 1995 on a ward where the sister kept taking me in the office and pointing her finger in my face, it didn't stop until I told her in no uncetain terms take your finger out of my face and dont ever point it in my face again. Same ward which told me 2 weeks after my sister died (unexpectedly) how to grieve.

Brings back awful memories but I hope that I never treat or speak to people in that way.

IMO - a single act of a bullying-type behavior does not a bully make. I think that, in general and in all areas of life, people tend to see others in one particular way. For example, when we are at work, others see us strictly as nurses/bosses/managers/aids or whatever. I think that it is most important that we all realize that we all are people/individuals/sisters/brothers/parents/children/sibling/etc BEFORE we are any of the above. A co-worker might complain about how some things were left undone or make an off-handed comment that might be taken in a bullying way but in actuality just be really having a super lousy day because of some unknown event in their personal life. In my book, if it happens just once, no big deal. If I see a general trend that is when I take a more firm stance and stick up for myself.

Back in the mid 90's had a fellow nurse literally yell and scream at me while shagging her finger at me and actually spittling in my face because she was so upset. That, I thought, was out and out aggressive behavior. I felt bad after reporting her (we had a zero tolerance for violence policy) and finding out later that she had just found out that her sister had just been dx'd w/ uterine cancer and was not likely going to survive.

Another thought...(and then I will hush up...lol)...I think that we need to be careful not to become bullies ourselves when dealing w/ bullies. I see many people become very very passive-aggressive when dealing w/ bullies. To me, that is just as bad as the original bully hence, perpetuating the problem.

(Geez, I hope all of this makes sense. Messed up my back tonight at work and am currently on drugs )