Terms we will not admit to using

When I worked in the nursing home, we had a resident who was morbidly obese, frequently incontinent of urine, and perpetually reddened between her buttocks.

A nurse aide with a warped sense of humor used to yell at me, whenever she needed help cleaning her up: "COME ON MOSES, LET'S GO PART THE RED SEA!"

Fortunately, this was always away from the resident's room. But I was mortified the first time she explained what she meant.

She also used to sing a song about going on "PP" when it was time to do rounds.

The first "p" stood for the female genitalia, which has another vulgar name synonymous with "cat".

The male genitalia was not left out, either, as it has a vulgar name as well, which starts with a "p".

The second "p" stood for "patrol"

"let's all go on ________ patrol" !

:devil:

We use the GOMER too!! Awwww, here comes Gomer!!!

And I had a tech tell me once that our new patient had a serious case of

" ****doo "

(Fill in stars with the nickname for Richard)

Translated to mean "his belly sticks out farther than his (insert term here).

And we get patients who have FMPS (fluff my pillow syndrome)

ER miracle -- as in, the ICU's full, pt needs an ICU bed, and

***miracle happens***

They are suddenly better enough to come to the floor, and they proceed to code within a few minutes to few hours of arrival on the floor. Which leads me to....

"CAV started at 2230" -- coding a vegetable.

"Crunchies" -- when you are performing CPR on a LOL or LOM and you feel their ribs break -- as in, "about the 3rd time I did a compression, I had crunchies"

C& T ward -- cabbages and turnips

"[insert name of your floor] smackdown" -- when it takes every NA, CNA, LPN, RN and security to restrain a paranoid schizophrenic who's trying to go out the window. Without opening the window.

"pee pot" -- a patient who's urine soaks the bed each and every void

TTJ-Transfer To Jesus

RTDD-Refer To Dr Deere (as in John Deere)

PSTO (pronounced "pesto") Pet Smarter Than Owner

And who could forget Fartical for describing a pt who has just passed gas for the first time after surgery.

Used in a sentence: "Is Mrs Jones Fartical yet?" or "wooo hooo Mr Smith, you're fartical!"

Not a diagnoses but.....

We used to refer to our lack of lunch breaks as being on the "(fill in the hospital's name) diet".

"hey Nancy, did you get lunch today"???

"No, I'm on the St. Rose Diet"

Worked great, I lost 5 pounds in 1 RSV season!

Had to revive this after my last shift.

BFB-----> Big **blanking** Baby

A grown man kept calling his sister at home and having her call us every time he needed something instead of using his call light. Then he would call the patient emergency line and complain that we weren't addressing things fast enough. Like bringing him chicken instead of beef . . . . . . .

Thank God I'm going on materniy leave after this week.

Here is one that we used alot on the ambulance,

WADAO pronounced (WA-DAY-OH)

weak and dizzy all over

for those that can't figure what is wrong with them..

Tammy

whiskey tango - white trash

DFD - drunk found down

FUPA - fat upper (insert female/male part here) area

cankles - can't tell their ankles from their legs

transfer to the 10th floor - expire

Moo Moo Dog Face = the look a patient has while 'circling the drain' and then ultimately crashing and having a thump and blow.

The hospital where I volunteer just opened a new cardiac care center. Among other things, they do CABGs. I call it "The CABG Patch." They don't do pediatrics, so no "CABG Patch Kids."

TFTB- too fat to breathe