Strange situation need input...

Blee O'Myacin, BSN, RN · Mar 27, 2006

You owe it to your children not to get involved with this. What he does with his personal life is thankfully none of your concern anymore. If he comes to see the children alone, then good for him. If he's just calling, let the children talk to him and they'll realize his true colors eventually, just don't be a part of that - otherwise they will resent you and not him.

I am sorry that he's such an a$$. Better to rise above this and concentrate on your children.

Blee

Okay guys this is gonna be kinda long...
My ex and I have been seperated for about a year and a half, divorced since sept. He is currently living out of state. He is the father of my 10 yo and my 4 yo and he claims my other dd as his own.
Last night I got a call from a girl in the state he is living in, apparently my phone number showed up on her cell bill.
She wanted to know if I was related to him, and I said well sort of Im his ex wife.
Once I realized that this sounded bad for him (like he was calling to caht with his ex) I said He just calls here to talk to his kids.
LOL, this poor girl said "HE HAS KIDS!?!?"
Basically he has ben seeing this girl for 5 months and told her he had never been married (were married 5 yrs.) and that he had no children, she has children of her own.
I just said "oh honey you will get used to the lying if you spend much time with him"
He is a nice guy, and I thought he was a great father, he does have a serious issue with the truth, he only lies if his lips are moving. I really do believe it is a compulsion, he lies about things that are so totaly unimportant, for instance he told this girl he has 3 german shepherds, Okay *I* ended up with his ONE AND ONLY GSD when he left, he also told her he got the dogs from germany LOL.
She told me that at xmas when he was in he had the kids in the car with him and was talking to her on the cell and she asked who the kids were and he told her the correct ages and names but said they were his little cousins. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I promised her I would let her get to him first, what do you think I should say to him? I am PIZZED that he would deny his kids.
I was thinking along the lines of when he calls and asks to speak to the kids saying something like "what kids, do you mean your little cousins?" OR do you think I should just jump right in and let him have it?

BRANDY LPN · Mar 27, 2006

My main concern is the fact that he said IN FRONT OF MY KIDS one of whom is 10 that they were his cousins. I know that my son could have heard this and would have understood. He told this girl they were his cousins and that they had come to stay the night and he was taking them home. He said it in the car in front of them!!!

Like I said earlier I was trying to sort of help him out by telling her he just calls here to talk to the kids, so that she would see it was innocent and it wouldn't cause problems for him LOL. Guess that backfired, But I would never have dreamed that he would lie about having kids, this is a whole new all time low for him.

mandana · Mar 27, 2006

I agree 100% with Blee's post. As hard as it will be, just try to ignore it.

Your 10 year old probably asked about it, if he heard the statement. I know for a fact that my 5 year old calls me out on little white lies that I tell if he hears them! LOL. Confronting him isn't going to benefit your children, but just like Blee said, you'll end up making them resent you if you get involved in this.

The best thing you can do is a private little happy dance that you're not the one he's lying to now.

Amanda

BRANDY LPN · Mar 27, 2006

I just talked to my best friend and had to share this....

so this girl said that he had mentioned my name LOL and said that Brandy was one of his sisters friends, my best friend said "oh ya I bet that his sister's friend Brandy is some B@(@9 that he cannot stand"

It is so sad for this poor girl that he is lying to, I feel really bad for her she sounded as if she really cared for him, but you know its kinda funny too, in a sick twisted sorta way....

And you know I didn't mention this to the girl last night but I am pretty sure he has a girlfriend here too, and while he was dropping off the kids the other day he got a call from ANOTHER girl. Poor poor girls...... Makes me wonder what all I didn't know when we were together.... And like ya'll said THANK GOD that he is not my problem anymore.

redshiloh · Mar 27, 2006

I've got an ex that's the same way...lies about stuff 'only when his lips are moving'.

Don't get involved, the kids will figure it out about him eventually; my daughter sure did. If you say something to the kids it will only make them defend him. If you say something to him he will just deny it "Oh, she misunderstood" or "She's lying"

Really not worth your while, don't get sucked in to this. Just listen to and support the kids.

jillyk*rn · Mar 27, 2006

hi,

as hurtful as it is...stay out of it.

no good will come from getting involved in his "affairs";) .

good luck with everything.

allnurses Guide · Mar 27, 2006

Don't get involved. I have an ex also - it isn't worth it. The kids will figure it out someday - my kids did.

steph

LPN1974, LPN · Mar 27, 2006

My main concern is the fact that he said IN FRONT OF MY KIDS one of whom is 10 that they were his cousins. I know that my son could have heard this and would have understood. He told this girl they were his cousins and that they had come to stay the night and he was taking them home. He said it in the car in front of them!!!
Like I said earlier I was trying to sort of help him out by telling her he just calls here to talk to the kids, so that she would see it was innocent and it wouldn't cause problems for him LOL. Guess that backfired, But I would never have dreamed that he would lie about having kids, this is a whole new all time low for him.

Well, it's his fault it backfired. If he'd been honest in the first place it wouldn't have happened.

I agree, tho, for you not to get involved, as least as possible. That may backfire on you and end up hurting your children, if you let yourself get into the middle of it. Stay as far away from it as you can, for sake of your relationship with your children.

clee1 · Mar 27, 2006

Blee gave some darned good advice, Brandy. Listen to the nice nurse. :idea:

vega · Mar 27, 2006

I was thinking along the lines of when he calls and asks to speak to the kids saying something like "what kids, do you mean your little cousins?" OR do you think I should just jump right in and let him have it?

I would pretend that it didn't happen unless he mentions it. If he does, keep in mind that you have absolutely nothing to apologize for -- he's the one who lied, and she's the one who searched you out. If he doesn't, you know that he's plenty embarrassed about the situation and maybe that will give you a giggle for the day.

Kids are perceptive. At their age, I'm sure they know that their dad lies. Hopefully, his lies won't occur to such an extent that they damage his relationship with his children (for your children's sake, not his).

BRANDY LPN · Mar 27, 2006

Well I had decided to listen to ya'll and not say anything then he called today at about 1 to apologize to me, he said he is a good dad and I told him that saying that they were his cousins WAS NOT BEING A GOOD DAD. I got really mad at him and told him to never do anything like this again that I didn't care what he told his girlfriends but that when the kids were around he needed to think about how what he says will affect them and that he ought to think about how this poor girl felt too. I also told him how embarrassed she was and how she told me how foolish she felt for believing him, he apparently came clean to her about all of the lies he told her (not that he had a choice).

He asked me not to tell his parents on him and I told him I think he needs counseling and that I wished he would go talk to someone about why he feels that he has to lie about everything. I told him I wasn't trying to be mean that I was trying to make him a better man so that he would be a better father and that I thought he had a serious issue with his self esteem and that he needed to talk to someone more qualified than me to overcome it, in the end he promised to go see someone (I hope he really does).

He also talked about how his lying affected our marriage and I told him that unless he dealt with this that it would prob. affect all of his relationships for the rest of his life ect ect. We actually had a decent talk about it.