Self inflicted

here's one. a patient who allegedly was suffering from Chron's disease was admitted. the patient who happened to be a drug addict, became attracted to his nurse. this patient stalked this nurse, sexually assaulted her and stalked her some more. Two years later, this patient came to the E.R. because he had swallowed a razor blade and was hoping to be admitted back on the floor where this nurse was working. nice.

Had a man come into E.R. with an electric vibrator stuck up his orifice...the cord was dangling out like a little tail.

Believe it or not, his wife came the next day and picked-up the vibrator. She didn't stop to visit her spouse.

this was the best lol

Had a man come into E.R. with an electric vibrator stuck up his orifice...the cord was dangling out like a little tail.

Believe it or not, his wife came the next day and picked-up the vibrator. She didn't stop to visit her spouse.

had a patient come in with a decub that exactly fit his toilet seat -- same depth as well. he'd been sitting on the toilet for four days, eating valium and drinking vodka. nice.

ex-husband set himself on fire trying to create a "manly" fire with which to impress me. we were camping beside a lovely riverbank, and exhubby was having difficulty getting the fire going. he squirted charcoal starter on the flames trying to make bigger flames -- and the big flames followed the stream of starter up to his arm, setting his jacket on fire. he stood there flaming and cussing, and i tackled him, shoving him off the river bank and into the river where he thrashed around in chest-high water, going under three times. at that point, i figured out he wasn't going to either stand up or swim, so i jumped in and "saved" him. he lost his eyebrows and some hair and beard. he also had burns on his hands and wrist. and he was mad at me for nearly drowning him.

dh worked in the cath lab a few years ago. he had a frequent flier that came in every couple of months with an mi after snorting cocaine. each and every time, he'd swear that he'd learned his lesson and this was the last time he'd use cocaine. i wonder if he's still doing it!

and then there was the guy who came in after his wife caught him with a girlfriend. she shot him in the ass while he was on top of the other woman. you could argue that this was a self-inflicted injury since it was the second time she'd shot him after finding him in flagrente! she stabbed him once, too! the guy never learned!

he stood there flaming and cussing, and i tackled him, shoving him off the river bank and into the river where he thrashed around in chest-high water, going under three times. at that point, i figured out he wasn't going to either stand up or swim, so i jumped in and "saved" him. he lost his eyebrows and some hair and beard. he also had burns on his hands and wrist. and he was mad at me for nearly drowning him.

!

thanks for the soda in my nose!!! :chuckle :rotfl: :roll :rotfl:

and then there was the guy who came in after his wife caught him with a girlfriend. she shot him in the ass while he was on top of the other woman. you could argue that this was a self-inflicted injury since it was the second time she'd shot him after finding him in flagrente! she stabbed him once, too! the guy never learned!

that one takes the prize :rotfl:

delana

Had a trauma patient once who was a pretty good size man, in his 6foot range, built like a body builder. Stabbed in the upper back -the blade hit his right lung. He had been arguing with his girlfriend about some other woman, he turned away from her and she stabbed him -left the knife in him. He kept telling everyone how much he loved her, and he would willingly fight anyone just to keep her.

No takers were available :) Stupidity endures, I guess.

We once had a patient origianlly admitted to med-surg (can't remember what for) but he got in the closet and found a wire coat hanger and straightened it out and ran it into his abd. The he went seeking his nurse. After a trip to the OR for Exp. Lap and nothing was found to be injured we got him to ICU post op so we could watch him better. He really gave us something to watch as he picked up the butter knife off of his tray and ran it into his incision. Back to the OR then his was one on one until we got him in the local state mental hospital.

During ICU report.

"and Mrs X. does not want certain nurses taking care of her. She says they are incompetent."

Pause

"isn't she the one who crashed her riding lawn mower into a tree? She is calling us incompetent?"

I once (LONG ago) had a corrections officer in during a prison riot...this guy had shot himself in the butt to get out. Tried to say someone shot him, but ER figured out the angle was definitely self-inflicted. He did then admit it.

Patient came to the coumadin clinic and told us that a fork-lift truck ran over his foot two days ago, but he figured that he would wait rather that go to the emergency room since he had a clinic appointment already. His INR was 4.0, and had to go to the ER, anyway, because the provider wasn't sure if it was high because of another internal issue or because his foot was the size of a basketball. The provider called me into her office, closed the door and said "Get this A$$hole out of here before I kill him myself".

Had a man come into E.R. with an electric vibrator stuck up his orifice...the cord was dangling out like a little tail.

Believe it or not, his wife came the next day and picked-up the vibrator. She didn't stop to visit her spouse.

Sigh...looks like he was not on the job...