Relationship Question!

Ricearoni · Nov 25, 2014

I forgot to add:

Its not that our relationship is bad - I want it to get better and he thinks I'm just stressed and being a little melodramatic - and I do tend to be on the perfectionist side of things as well... Which doesn't help. I do not like it when things aren't 101% perfect. But he is positive things will get better after I graduate.

Thoughts?

caliotter3 · Nov 25, 2014

Give yourself a chance to recuperate from nursing school. Take a look at your relationship once school is over. Until then, give both of you permission to encounter the ups and downs of maintaining a relationship without the expectations of perfection at a time when nothing can be perfect.

Ricearoni · Nov 25, 2014

Haha "in a time when nothing can be perfect" - so true. Thank you for your wise words!!

RunBabyRN · Nov 25, 2014

I agree. This is a hard time to assess a relationship. If you have a strong foundation, let that ride you through this period, and then reassess once this is through. The first year of nursing is also very tough, just be prepared! :)

K9005 · Nov 25, 2014

Nursing school is much more demanding and stressful than most people think. Just try to verbalize how you feel with your partner. It's important to remain focused for school, but when you do have time (i.e. for the holidays) take advantage of it! Make sure you take time for you as well, even if that doesn't necessarily mean hanging out with your man every free second you get. Find what makes you relax for your sanity and for the betterment of your relationship.

Good luck! You will find your balance, don't get discouraged!

Nibbles1 · Nov 25, 2014

Our nursing instructors told us this on orientation day, "1/3 of you will get a divorce, 1/3 of you will have an affair, 1/3 of will get pregnant. This isn't our first rodeo girls and (3)boys." They were right. As the others stated nursing school isn't the time to evaluate a relationship. My husband and I had some "coming to meet Jesus" moments. Weather this out until after school.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2014

You have to also look at your entire relationship realistically. You don't say how old you are, but it's not uncommon for people who have been high-school sweethearts to wake up one day to the realization that they may be outgrowing a relationship that began with teenagers.

I know this is bound to provoke a few predictable responses-- "We have known each other forever, this is true love, I can't imagine life with anyone else, nobody knows how tight we are, we're the exception ..." Perhaps all true, but also not necessarily reasons to assume forever when you're not full-formed adults (like late twenties, at least) with some of life's challenges and bitter disappointments already under your belt, your having met them in an adult way.

One day at a time.

FutureRN101 · Nov 25, 2014

Id be curious to know (I didn't see but maybe I missed it) if you are still fairly young and not far out of high school. I only ask because I am married to my high school sweetheart and we've been together 12 years now. Our relationship has had major ups and major downs just as any other relationship does but I do know that getting to my early 20s we hit some rough patches that I think are just attributed to growing up and becoming more of an adult. Anyways what I'm trying to say is that regardless of nursing school or not, your relationship may still have been in a slump at this time. You just have to know it's worth it to work through it, don't give up :)

Red Kryptonite · Nov 25, 2014

If you demand perfection, everything and everyone will fail to satisfy you, and you will destroy yourself over the inability to achieve it. You need to repair your thinking there.

I've been with my high school sweetheart for almost 22 years, married for 17.5. We have five kids and I'm starting LPN school in January. It can work long term. If he's supportive and willing to blame your less-than-stellarness on nursing school, then he looks for now to be a keeper. Good, supportive guys willing to sacrifice for the benefit of your mutual future are NOT to be dismissed lightly.

Finish school, start working, and see how things develop. Give it a little time before you get married, to discern if your discontent is because of nursing school or because you're done with the relationship. Alternatively, though, if it becomes clear that this relationship just is not right and not what you want for the rest of your life, don't hang on longer than necessary out of fear or dependency. That's never healthy.

Ricearoni · Nov 25, 2014

Thank you for your responses! It always helps to be reassured.

I definitely need to drop my unrealistic expectation of perfection out of everything and everyone! I am doing very well in nursing school thankfully, but have learned quickly that nothing in nursing school is perfect (duh, right?). I have had kind of a rough past so I know life isn't perfect or easy, so maybe I'm trying to make up for the past now....? Regardless, it has to stop.

I am glad to hear that others have gone through this and have made it. I just need to relax and take the punches as they come!

Thanks again all! I appreciate your responses!

bsnprg · Nov 25, 2014

It's s.th the school or relationship....I actually chose my family and relationship and didn't work while being a student and don't regret a bit

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