aznurse1

I felt a need to comment when I read this post... I think the original poster is asking a question that has been something that I've asked myself in my nursing career, "how do I deal with all this dying around me?" Yes, I agree that it is a natural process. What I don't like, as an nurse, is how unprepared and unaccepting we are as a society in regards to death. So that frequently when I meet a patient that is dying, my experience is that there is no preparation or acknowledgement or acceptance of the event. This especially true for family members. Please note, I'm am not talking about an untimely death or emergent situation. I am talking about death from old age or death from the natural progression of chronic multiple disease processes or illnesses associated with certain death. This is the most frustrating for me when I am working with a very old patient with heart disease, copd, diabetes, cancer, stroke , etc, etc and family members who are suprised and opposed to death. It is stressful when a patient or family member does not understand/accept/have any interest in knowing about DEATH. Instead, in the hospital, its made to be some kind of emergency on a physical/emotional basis for the nurse. I find that extremely stressful for myself because the family members want something done right away so that the patient doesn't have to die....The kind of thoughts that go through my mind sometimes include, "are you kidding me?" when I'm told to get the doctor "NOW" to "FIX" someone who is dying. I haven't been to the hospital to work in a couple of months, so I am resting from that kind of stress. But have spent time thinking about the emotional turmoil I have experienced due to unrealistic expectations around dying patient from family members. I begrudge the fact that there is nothing in the healthcare system to acknowledge my emotional experience or my emotional needs as a result. Sometimes, I feel like having someone to talk to about my experience would be helpful. Or someone I can call when the situation is really off the deep end, that would help me deal. OP, thanks for bringing this up and acknowledging an area of challenge for at least myself. IMO, you conducted yourself with sensitivity and thoughtfulness. I'm sorry for your loss.

Nope, if I had it all to do again, I would have studied Zoology and gone to vet school. I think nursing is thankless. You get abuse from people who think you wipe poop the wrong way and harrassment from doctors who think you should put their needs at the top of the list. I am in the job, but wish I could quit, retire, retrain, etc... I would like to attend to my own needs and wants. I'm tired of twisting into a pretzel to please others who immediately don't want pretzels, but want potato chips!

We spoke with the DON, and we got those. Knowing that the facility knows they had a deficiency in their procedure will hopefully change the way they operate, and our experience would not have been in vain. Ok, time to let it go....Use it in your nursing experience to be the nurse who never does anything wrong or makes mistakes or has a crazy, out of control day... good luck!!

I agree with you, but I also am thinking of the nurse on the other end of the phone, apologizing profusely for the mixup and not trying to make excuses, and just apologizing for the error, just as the writer noted. This wasn't enough for OP. That's what I'm reading.

Hmmm, you seem more upset about how the notification was handled than about the actual death, am I missing something?

sorry, that's my initial response. note to op, nurses are people, they get jaded and cynical from the stuff that happens on the job. what you experienced are coping skills that they use. No I'm not defending them, just explaining. they aren't supported in how to handle all the feelings that are generated in the work environment. your expectations are unrealistic and you most likely will wash out as a nurse (ie, your head is so far in the clouds that your can't do the actual job)

fine, don't be a nurse, then

What I would like to say... Yes, my 30 years of experience does mean that I know better than your family member who is demanding all the wrong things for you. (Oh, oh yeah, they are advocating) I can't produce the doctor out of my a**, and unless it's a medical emergency, I'm not going to even try. You are not the first sick person I've seen, this is not all new to me, I am not going to get hysterical just because you or your family does. You, or your family member, who is 90+ years old is going to have to die, just like everyone else, there is nothing more that can be done.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, sooooo true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

More nursing abuse, just saying...........................

She said to keep quiet. When I asked her about this, she told me that the nurses were slapped DURING ROUNDS, in front of the entire ward when they ask for any sort of clarification. Wow, I believe it. I believe it would happen here too, if there weren't laws protecting us. I am sick of nurse abuse, stop nurse abuse everywhere!!

"about the bad behavior of many of the nurses they work with: mocking their patients, speaking of them derisively, not attending to a particular patient because they don't like them, and in general doing as little as possible because they want to be in Facebook or fooling around online" Really??? because you can't get a job, you speak poorly of other nurses. Nurses have personal lives, they eat, they go to the bathroom, they check messages and email, just like other professional people do on their breaks or down time. Join the club of people who disrespect, bully and poorly represent nurses to the public.

PS, yes, I am looking for another job, although I'd like to keep working where I work, the scales are so far out of balance in the new world of customer service that I've had it. Anything goes, people get to treat you any way they want, so fed up.....

I am so tired of being bossed around and bullied. If one more person glares at me, I feel like I will scream. Last night, my patient had a rectal tube. He kept getting up to urinate and the stool would leak. The stool would go down his leg and onto the floor, etc. We cleaned him up several times during the shift. This was most unpleasant, but I do it willingly. Then his wife comes in between cleanups and demands, "who is going to clean up this MESS???" I am so angry with her tone and glare that I feel like saying, "why don't YOU???" I guess I think that no money in the world can compensate enough for the willingness to clean up someone elses poop ... So I'm expecting a thank you because I am willing to do it without complaint, but NO, I am underperforming in the customer service arena because her husband **** on the floor AGAIN and she thinks she can treat me like a dog.

Hey there! Love the thread. Back in the 80's the patients and family didn't argue with the treatments the doctor recommended. The family didn't stand at the bedside and write down everything that was being done for the pt and stare at you with daggers... It was just different, you were a trusted authority on what would be best to help the patient. Now the patient and family advocate for the patient and end up with care that is not as good (because of their ignorance) and end up alienating their caregiver.