faithnow

"I simply needed help getting off prescription meds." Wow. Kinda sounds like an addict to me. I don't speak unknowingly. I entered the Virginia Monitoring program in 2001, jumped through their hoops, suffered their case managers, had many supportive backs turned on me, etc. Somewhere during that time, maybe while i was working for $7.10 an hour cleaning hotel rooms, I realized it was about me. I had put myself in that position, I had given others power over the license that i had worked so hard for, and needed so desperately to support my family. I quit putting people into categories, stopped expecting the world to turn my way, and changed my behavior. I jumped the hoops, re jumped when told to, paid the money, 'did the time' and got through it. Now i have a job as a director of nursing at a home health agency, don't abuse substances, and don't feel trapped. Bottom line -- apparently you haven't even been reported to the board yet. You are way ahead of the game and can come out of this without board action. Be thankful that there is a process to make a mistake and still retain your license. Keep it real and keep it moving. Don't waste any more time denying, blaming etc. Stay clean. And be thankful.

Ya know, a couple of times in this running thread, i've wanted to hit the reset button and any say, hold on, just be straight with us. But i'm not sure she's ready to be strictly honest. There have been some good articles posted and referred to, and some helpful things have come out of this thread. But I, along with most of us posters here, I believe have hurt too much, lost too much, and want to make things right too much, to just continue to read this creative writing, where she has an answer to everything. like how the ambien is connected with reported patient abuse, and honestly, would the second most helpful thing to do after witnessing patient abuse really be to report it to a helpless family, especially since families tend to lump all of health professionals together. My style would have been to ignore the possible repercussions on my or my license and removed the patient from the situation, over my shoulder if i had to until somebody higher up listened to me. Family members re vulnerable enough and don't need to see our infighting. Patients first--I quit reading this thread a while ago 'cause my bs filter/alarm kept going "what?"Original poster, I think you need some honest, hard to do introspection, less denial, less blaming, and more facing your life facts as they are. I really feel like most of us are here for the truth, it's the only solution. Maybe it's just me, but we need help/plans/actions on this forum, not picking each other mixed with fictional writing. Not even going to apologize 'cause i really think it needed to be said. May we all be more honest with ourselves and blame others less.

I have worked for five years as a nurse since being monitored. Two different ltc facilities, but for the same administrator. Recent corporate changes and messes within the facility resulted in me being terminated. Nothing to do with my hx, except that somebody discovered by hx, printed and posted throughout the facility the info available online. Corporate says that had nothing to do with my term, and they are fighting my unemployment. I don't really want unemployment, but need it until i can find employment. Husband just had major back surgery, and i'll be losing my health insurance or having to cobra it, for which i don't have funds to pay. Anyway, applying puts the same old fears and barriers in my face. I successfully finished monitoring program in March of this year. I have misdemeanors on my record from 2003. I am afraid that I'm running into the same negative reactions as before. Has anyone gone through this? Has anyone found employment seeking to always be a problem?

last comments i'll make r/t this post (i'm faithnow) and posted earlier. i didn't read into your post wrong. like a later post said, you say "i may have screwed up a little", you ding long term care and dialysis. and then deny doing it. even in your response post to me you claim that there's nothing to be learned in a nursing home. i waited two years into my monitoring before i could get a nursing home to hire me, and i have peers who are still being monitored who would love a job in a nursing home or dialysis. certainly taking blood sugars over and over is not exciting work, taking blood sugars is only a small amount of the work that i do in my nursing home job. and even the most grinding task that i do has never made me want to kill myself. i learn something every day at work, and often learn quite a few things daily in my nursing home job. you can love acute care without demeaning work that other nurses choose to do. you say you've worked in a hospital your whole professional life, but that life included diverting and i don't know any nurse who got into monitoring from her first diversion, myself included. just my opinion, but i think you need to be thankful for the job that you have, be less concerned about where you'll work next, focus on staying clean and sober, be less dismissive of other areas of nursing as worthwhile pursuits, and show more respect for not just us other nurses who've made it through monitoring and choose to work in nursing homes or dialysis, but also of nurses who have never been before a state board who choose those other areas as well. self awareness and humility are wonderful things. and a nursing job done with openness and honesty is an honorable thing, no matter what kind of health care facility it is.

well, i can't really tell by your post if you diverted or not. i do think that i can tell that you really aren't honestly 100% dealing with your reality. my diverting and subsequent probation happened in a nursing home. i had chosen to work in a nursing home, and couldn't get hired anywhere for a couple of years, and had to accept $7.00 an hour cleaning job. but you know what, i was thankful that that company hired me and came to feel good about myself doing honest work, without deception and without any substance use. no nursing facility would let me get past the first or second interview. i was extremely blessed to finally be offered a starting position in a nursing home again. i've now been working about three years still being monitored and two years after finishing the program. i really agree with madwife. guess what? neither dialysis centers nor nursing homes need you to do them a favor and work beneath yourself. i think probably a lot of nurses with no diversion history or superior attitude want to work in dialysis and nursing homes. and i also agree with catmom, honest work is honest work, learning to do any job without dishonesty is progress in the right direction and will help you sleep at night. it also keeps you from being homeless and hungry. in my opinion, you need to work on admitting your shortcomings and accept the reality of your actions. only if you move forward with honesty about whatever actions brought you to this place will you find success. i don't mean to preach, just disgusted by your slamming dialysis nursing and nursing home nursing, which some nurses with no charges/abuse issues are fulfilled by doing. and i am one nurse in recovery who feels absolutely blessed and honored to be able to work in a nursing home again. so by all means, hold out for a hospital nursing job...we dialysis and nursing home nurses will be able to honestly provide care for our patients while staying clean and sober, making money to pay our bills, and being able to look ourselves and others in the eye without your superior attitude. really hope you get to a point where you can see yourself honestly and move on from there and be the nurse you wanted to be

please don't be discouraged. things will happen. i went through virginias monitoring program. my problem was narcs, not alcohol. i work in virginia beach ltc, but live in nc. what i found in seeking employment was it depends more on the person doing the interviewing than on the specific job or company. really, a woman administrator in a nursing home in virginia called me. i had interviewed for every possible job in ltc, had experience but was repeatedly rejected at first interview, or more painful made a second or third interview and then was rejected. i cried and felt worthless. i continued to work the program, and finally after two years, while working cleaning at a hotel for $7.10 an hour, this woman offered me a job doing mds. i went on an antabuse kind of drug every day, cant remember the name right now. the administrator had to witness me take the pill and sign the paper every day. i don't know what in the world made her believe in me to the point that she offered me a job. to shorten the story, she moved to a nursing home in va beach and i moved with her. i live in nc, and commute to va. i have talked to several nursing homes here in nc, so much closer to home, and they look at me like i have needles hanging from my arms. even with four years now of spotless references, they are afraid to offer me anything. there were days that i felt hopeless, i just kept working the program and applying. i know one story doesn't necessarily give you hope. i've beenthere. but i have almost eight years clean, finished the va program and have an unrestricted license. still, like i said can't get any nc job offers, and no interviews in virginia for that matter. but, higher power, mine and yours has a plan for us. i really think that if you continue to have the desire, the need to work as a nurse, and keep clean, that something will open up for you. i'm not sure if nc has a harder program or it's harder to find employment. i saw a quote today that said "faith makes all things possible, not easy". please don't lose hope.

I do so love my job. I've had DON, unit manager, MDS Coordinator and ADON jobs in the past. My wonderful administrator allowed me to "step down" from salaried MDS job and be a floor nurse. All that hard work doing things that i really wasn't crazy has paid off and i look forward to going in every day. I'm an RN and my facility almost never has them on the floor. We have 90 beds LTC and skilled rehab. My unit has 30 beds and is about 75% skilled, people coming in for therapy and going home within 90 days. The other 25% are long term, some been there for several years. I work day shift and it is always busy. Makes the days shorter, work is never all done when i leave, but i always come back the next scheduled day and pick it up again. My unit manager is so impressed with her clipboard and meetings that she leaves me alone on clinical issues. i work with patients on education about chronic problems. I inservice my cnas on new patient conditions, i help them with their work. Corporate recently did a wage survey thing and gave me a $5.00/hour raise. I have a blast, feel appreciated by patients and families and most of the people that i work with. Hardest thing for me is to not get all involved trying to tell my supervisors and people up the food chain how to do their job. Second hardest thing is to follow charting or protocol requirements that i find silly. I recently realized that i get paid to use my judgement and provide care, but also to fill in the required boxes and info so that when state comes, it's evident that we are doing what we are supposed to, and when medicare reviews for payment it's evident that we deserve what we're billing for. Long winded I know, but i'm finding that age has its' advantages. I've learned to play nice, avoid the drama, work really hard and stay below the radar. I love my job because i get paid really well for doing what i love to do. Long term care nurses may not be the most highly regarded in nursing but i feel really fortunate that i've come to the point that the fact that i know i'm flat out working as hard as i can is rewarding. i make a difference in at least part of my patients lives every day and i get paid for it. I love my job.

Yeah, i hear you as well. And that thought passed through my mind more than a few times in my five, extended to six year monitoring program. But most of the time if a nurse is in a monitoring program, she/he made some bad choices, and took some bad actions. Probably endangered themselves as well as any patient they were caring for. And the nurse wants to keep their license and be able to work. What is a board of nursing to do? Just say, go on and practice and heal yourself? no matter what they mandate, or how many times they make you pee-you end up healing yourself anyway. I hated the board and the monitoring program and the groups and the licensed clinical social worker they made me see and the addictionologist who wrote that i was in long term remission and the board made me keep on being monitored anyway. i hated them until at some point it occurred to me that i had given them this power over me. at least in my case, they didn't blindly seek me out. there needs to be some way for a nurse who has exhibited a problem to be held accountable if they want to continue to practice. does anyone have a better way? at this point, i'm just thankful that there was a way for me to return to practice as an RN and an administrator that gave me a chance. and the other poster was right, it will be all right.use your emotion and energy to heal yourself and get/keep your license.

in Virginia, i was allowed to practice as a floor nurse in ltc. allowed to give/count narcotics, but was required for eight months to take suboxone. i didn't feel i needed it, as i was "over" the wanting to use. i had to take the pill every day witnessed by my work site monitor, who had to sign a log sheet. i lost some weight, had less appetite, but didn't notice any other effects. i really felt like vahmp didn't really know what else to do with me and my case. i still had to call five mornings a week and pee test as they randomly chose. i was appreciative of the fact that i was allowed to practice, and that i was fortunate enough to find an administrator/corporate office that would work with me. even though i felt like i knew i was over my active addiction and crazy behavior, i was aware of the fact that the board had to attempt to protect the people i was caring for. i don't know if vahmp determines suboxone use on case by case basis, or what--but in my case i greatly benefited from it.

sharon, i've read your posts since the first and was hesistant to respond, but want to offer several things. in 2006 i had to deal with what was developing into a major problem in my life/practice. thought it wasn't affecting my work. my life was in chaos, and i saw work as my time of peace. i was totally denying not only my errors, but misjudging the whole situation. i diverted, got by for long time, then got "caught' for something that i didn't even do, but investigation would have probably turned up many things that i had done that hadn't been found out. total meltdown. joined vahpip, no other choice, but felt put upon to jumpthrough their hoops. still had criminal charges, ending in not diversion charges, but possession of percription control and non control drugs, and a petty larceny tacked on for good measure. spent one weekend in jail. couldn't find work, finally got hired cleaning public spaces for a resort, but not allowed to clean rooms r/t larceny charge. total lack of face in a small rural community, where i had been born and raised. could hardly afford drug testing fees, community services therapy, etc. dropped out for about 10 months cause my $7.00 an hour and food stamps, etc. couldn't pay for gas to classes. did not relapse on substance, but still pursued chaos as a way of life. finally got through all that, re accepted by vahpip and worked the program. after 2 years of working for resort, was miraculously offered mds job, administrator moved to va beach, and offered me a charge nurse job there. worked there for 1 1/2 years, renting a room and going home to see my family every other week. point being, kept going cause there were no other options. just last week was released from vahpip, successfully completing program, letter from board, saying congratulations, no more restrictions, good luck continuing your recovery. had to move me and family to house down here, five hours from old community and all people i "knew". life is better now, i have peace and my employer trusts me. i never thought this could happen, but it has. i learned many things, completely lost any arrogance, "yeah, but i didn't" type of attitude. you can make it though this. i think that maybe because i did go through this in va i could be of some help to you. i could share in that total im' a bad person and ruined everything with my own hands, to 'i didn't really do anything that many others aren't doing" to "i did the best i could then but have built up different resources/supports now". please contact me if you think i could answer any questions, or help you in any way. don't know other states practices, but do know that va puts you on the ground, watches you pee, and at least at first doesn't believe a word you say. it's because they really don't have an easy way to help you correct the mess you made, but are mandated to try to help you return to work safely. please know that you have been on my mind, contact me and maybe we can help each other. i am sure of one thing--you are not a bad person, you have talents/strengths and limitations, and can learn to maximize the one, and minimize the limitations. i do hope to hear from you.

...i am an rn who works the floor by choice in a nursing home. surrounded by lpns, cnas and skirts with clipboards. i've done all that and am now doing exactly what i want, direct patient care. i try to just focus on balancing between knowing the patient and caring for the patient and meeting the documenting (necessary for follow through and payment) i don't work unmindful of the monetary compensation. i add in the motivating and guiding the staff that i supervise. i have this system that i call CKI (continuous kathy improvement), and truly try to learn something every shift, as well as teach something every shift. the other day, after working with a long term patient for months trying to help her understand why elevating her feet would help manage her fluid/edema problems--i was crouched down by her wheelchair with a ziplock baggie with water in it, showing her how flat and even it was when the bag was flat, and how the water all collected at the bottom when the bag was raised--our ADON (an LPN with about a year of experience and delusions of grandeur) walked in the room and said "Kathy don't you have work to do, meds to pass?" and proceeded to 'report' this to the DON. my patient was just about to 'get it' and i finished my conversation with her, and got on about my shift. i guess my point being some people are just so within the box that they think and act like they are necessary and everyone around them is in their way. i cannot abide laziness, gossiping, or micro criticizing other staff in front of everybody. but it's never gonna change. i try to appreciate each staff members strengths and work around their limitations. a wise cna once told me 'keep it real and keep it moving'. i think a good nurse remembers that they're getting paid for the shift, that bottom line-it's a job, and truly works (that is moves her ***) most of the shift, and focuses on the patients, not the staff around her and their inadequacies. and then she clocks out, goes home, comes back and does it all again the next shift she's on the schedule for. i also think a good nurse realizes that she needs to continuously self check her attitude and work ethic and make changes as needed. she realizes that all she can really change is herself and doesn't waste energy on the negative staff members that she supervises, or the endless skirts with clipboards or other department heads that constantly tell her how to do her job. a good nurse? wow, i've been doing this for 19 years next month and am still trying to figure out how to be one.

Oh my! That second, response, poem is so beautiful. It's just so real, and puts words to how i have felt so many times. Sometimes the phrase "...for the least of these..." runs through my mind, when i do something for, or direct a cna to do something for a resident with no family; something that is never going to be publicly known or praised. But we take the time and do it. I think we LTC nurses are often grouped together into a non caring, hurried group. The lines about after a resident is gone, and we as nurses barely have time to quietly mourn while hurrying on to the next required/regulated thing. I don't know who wrote the second poem, but it is perfect expression of how I feel so often.

Gosh, I'm pretty new at posting, but I gotta say -- from my 20 plus years in nursing homes in two states, haven't seen anything at all like you say "they" told you. Quite the contrary. Who is the "they" that told you? Resident? Family member? Church or charity person? With all the reporting that I have done and seen done, can't imagine who would have told you that. Maybe it would help someone answer your questions if it was more clearly.

Thanks for the input. I really wasn't looking for affirmation, but thanks. I just hate it when folks assume I either have no nursing talents, or have no drive and have "settled". There are so many avenues to pursue in nursing, and i think that floor nursing in a ltc is a valid one for an RN. Like everything else in life, you can get out of something according to what you put into it.

I'm an RN who works as a floor nurse in a LTC. I have worked as a Director of nursing, and as an MDS coordinator. I've worked the last three years as a 7-3 floor nurse in a 90 bed SNF. Recently I filled in for mds/care plan coordinator. i did enjoy that work, but my real love is floor nursing. A small part of it is not wanting to work for salary, not wanting to share on call duty. But, I want to get up every morning and work the floor. There are a couple of other RNs who work the floor where I do, one is working while she attends NP classes. Anyway, does anyone else do this? Is it by choice? I am 53, just have my husband and 20 year old son at home. But i by now means feel like i'm just coasting. I truly feel like i make a difference. Any thoughts?