Opinions Needed!!

shippoRN · Apr 18, 2007

Look at it from this perspective, help her out, go in there try to determine if she is really trying, try help her figure out why she is failing. This may sound stupid but I really don't think you will be wasting your time, since while you are helping her you are also helping yourself by reinforcing the information in your head. You should also encourage her to make her own notes as you study together so she understands the info on her own terms. (Idealistic... yes, but its still an idea.)

SO my opinion is to help her, look at it as beneficial to you as you will be reinforcing things in your help her, AND if she's not stepping up to the plate to help herself, that you can simply decline a second request without feeling guilty.

Hope this helps a bit.

np_wannabe · Apr 18, 2007

Look at it from this perspective, help her out, go in there try to determine if she is really trying, try help her figure out why she is failing. This may sound stupid but I really don't think you will be wasting your time, since while you are helping her you are also helping yourself by reinforcing the information in your head. You should also encourage her to make her own notes as you study together so she understands the info on her own terms. (Idealistic... yes, but its still an idea.)
SO my opinion is to help her, look at it as beneficial to you as you will be reinforcing things in your help her, AND if she's not stepping up to the plate to help herself, that you can simply decline a second request without feeling guilty.
Hope this helps a bit.

Hi Mystiqx. Thank you for responding, and I have thought of this as well. However, we have only 10 days left of class--this saturday and the 28th. not a lot of time for her to "prove" herself.

There is another girl in the class who wants to study with me, and I have a very different feeling about it. I've watched this girl come to class early, study during our lunch breaks (like i said...it's ALL day), and really try hard--all semester--and I feel completely fine with getting together with her.

I've never been in this position before, so all I know is what i'm feeling--not why....still trying to process that....

Thank your for your suggestion. I will definitely be thinking about this...

nghtfltguy, BSN, RN · Apr 18, 2007

i would have to say....

that is entirely up to you and what you want to do..

i know that it can suck to do all the *legwork* just to have others benifit from it..

i will also be the first to say.. if it were not for the micro notes that i recieved from someone that took it the year before, i would have not done as well as i did..

congrats on your "A" by the way..

maybe if she wants your stuff you can ask to see hers so you all could *compare*.. that might set her in her place.. but then again.. you can always just tell her that you are uncomfortable giving her your stuff..

you might also inform her that your group is holding a study session, not a tutoring session. in a nice way of course.. and if worse comes to worst.. you can always pull the ol' switch-a-roo on her, and tell her that your group is not getting together for some reason or another, and then all meet somewhere else..

basically.. what it all boils down to is what YOU want..

look out for number 1!!!

:cool:

AirforceRN, RN · Apr 18, 2007

I've been asked for notes before too, and I've asked others for notes before. At first I felt like I was being cheated when giving away notes, especially ones that I had made specifically to study with and that had pretty colours and everything. I was reluctant at first but then I thought..why not?

I'm comfortable with what I know, I know that I will do well in the class and no matter how much someone reviews my notes and benefits from them, it won't change my mark in the end. So I give them away. In the end, the other person is only hurting themselves and even if they do end up passing that one course their lack of study skills will eventually catch up with them and they will have to face reality.

So, my suggestion...give her the notes, if she wants to have a "study session" give her an hour or two and see it as a consolidating experience for you. After that, you are free and it was only a couple hours of your time...and you have done your good deed for the day. :)

np_wannabe · Apr 18, 2007

I've been asked for notes before too, and I've asked others for notes before. At first I felt like I was being cheated when giving away notes, especially ones that I had made specifically to study with and that had pretty colours and everything. I was reluctant at first but then I thought..why not?
I'm comfortable with what I know, I know that I will do well in the class and no matter how much someone reviews my notes and benefits from them, it won't change my mark in the end. So I give them away. In the end, the other person is only hurting themselves and even if they do end up passing that one course their lack of study skills will eventually catch up with them and they will have to face reality.
So, my suggestion...give her the notes, if she wants to have a "study session" give her an hour or two and see it as a consolidating experience for you. After that, you are free and it was only a couple hours of your time...and you have done your good deed for the day. :)

Good point...

As I sit here and think more about this, I think that what bothers me is that I feel like...a little like she's mooching, but also that I'm giving her an easy ride.

I have definitely studied with others in the past and helped other people out--and those same people have helped me...give and receive...

I'll probably end up helping her...I feel badly that she's failing.

CiCigirl · Apr 18, 2007

here's my :twocents: :

if i felt like it would help me to reinforce the info into my own head to tutor (which is essentially what you'll be doing if she's failing and you have an "a") her then i would do it. b/c sometimes it helps me to really understand the info if i go over it again and again and explain it to someone else.

on the other hand, you mentioned you have kids which is a 24 hour a day job in itself. and i'm sure you have other commitments as well. if i didn't have the time to comfortably give to her (without sacrificing my own study time, family time, etc.) then i wouldn't meet with her.

and i don't say this to be harsh, but if she's failing this far into the semester, your studying with her is most likely not going to salvage her grade too much. especially if she's pre-nsg, pre-med, etc. b/c even if she can pull her grade up to a "d" or "c" that's probably going to be still not be enough to be competitive.

and think about this too if you choose to study with her--if she's failing this late in the semester how far back in the semester are you going to have to review with her to get her to understand the concepts that are being taught now???

as far as studying with the other girl, if you want to do that you'll probably have to work out a way to ask her to meet without hurting the other girl's feelings or burning bridges, etc. blah, blah, blah, it can get so complicated....

it's the desire to avoid these kinds of entanglements that usually keeps me studying by myself. :trout:

sorry for the long post. good luck in your decision.

CiCigirl · Apr 18, 2007

sorry, another :twocents: :

i understand that you feel badly for her b/c she's failing. there are people that are dropping off like flies in one of my classes too and i feel badly for them.

but i try to tell myself that this is the way it goes in classes. some people do well, others don't--for whatever reason. maybe right now is not the right time for her, maybe she was meant to do something else, there could be a multitude of reasons. but i try to remind myself that it is not my responsibility to help everyone in class who needs help, didn't study, was overwhelmed with the material, etc. each person's grade is their own responsibility.

okay, i'll stop typing now...

krenee · Apr 18, 2007

I know where you're coming from - I have two girls in my lab group in Chemistry - one is really trying, but struggling . . . the other doesn't show up half the time. Mostly because I want to help the first one, I've actually set up study session for the final, where I invited my BIL who is a chemistry professor at Johns Hopkins to come and help tutor us. Now, I don't need the help, I'm getting an A, but I want to help the first girl who is struggling. I did, however, decide to invite the second girl, because it seems rude not to; she's in our group too. However, I wouldn't do this just for her, and honestly I don't expect it to help. She's missed half the classes and gets unbelievably low grades on the things she does (think 20s). Anyway, my point is I wouldn't go out of my way just for someone who hasn't been trying, but if it's not taking away from you, it probably isn't going to help much anyway to give her your notes - you can be nice and it probably won't make a difference anyway.

Kelly

catzy5 · Apr 18, 2007

Here's the scoop...
I'm taking a pretty tough microbiology class this semester. 8 out of 18 studnets have dropped the class. All semester, I have been typing up all of my notes--consolidating his powerpoint slides, his lecture, and my notes from the chapters. And, with two weeks left in the class, I have an A. (Go me!)
Anyway, one month ago, a girl who happened to sit next to me just prior to our lab midterm, noticed that I had typed everything up and even drew pictures, using my kids' markers, of the microorganism.
After our last class a few days ago, she came up to me and told me she is "literally failing the class," and wanted to know if she could get together and study for our Lap Practical coming up this weekend (we meet all day on saturdays).
I reluctantly said "yes."
My concern is this: Not only do I not want to spend my time tutoring her, but I have many reasons to believe that she will ask to read the notes I just spent hours putting together.
I know it wouldn't kill me to help her out, but at the same time, I don't really feel like it's fair for me to do all of the legwork--put all of the time and energy into doing this--for her to come along and just get to do the easy part.
And yes, there is NO question (based on other encounters I've had with her), that she will want them.
What do you think? What should I do?

I have always found that helping others actually helps me study, as long as I am already solid in the information, if I still have a ways to go to learn it then I can't study with someone else. I make my own flash cards and spend lots of time studying too but if someone is serious and wants my help I am more then happy to share with them, The saying goes, learn it teach it know it. I am a firm believer in that. I also think people study in different ways and you sharing your notes and flash card ideas can only help someone form better study habits for the future, its not a competition if she/he is truely failing and you can help them do better in whatever way you can then why not.

np_wannabe · Apr 18, 2007

it's the desire to avoid these kinds of entanglements that usually keeps me studying by myself. :trout:
i just wanted to thank everybody for your suggestions....i'm really leaning toward helping her if i hear from her. like i said, we have class once per week, on saturday, and here it is wednesday--with just a few days before the test--and i still haven't heard from her to even discuss a meeting time/place. (i guess i shouldn't be surprised).
cicigirl--i just wanted to say...about studying alone...i'm like that too. i really enjoy doing my own thing, and hooking up with the other a students in class before the test to quiz each other and review. that actually works best for me.
i think it's just the feeling of giving a "free ride" that's bothering me.

DC Collins, ASN · Apr 18, 2007

I'm with mystiqx on this. I would go ahead and do it, not only for those reasons (especially the part about teaching being a good reinforcer), but also because:

1) if she really is interested in passing, yes, your legwork will help her, you can feel good about yourself, and many prof's look very kindly at students willing to help other students, and are willing to give you things like nominations for scholarships, letters of recommendation for work, recommendations for entry into certain fraternities, etc.

2) if she is just a slacker, not only can you dump her like mystiqx said, but your hard legwork will be completely lost on her. All that meaning and mental exercise you put into your legwork is what makes it useful to you. For her, unless she just uses it as inspiration to do her own legwork, it will be nothing more than like looking at another textbook.

Now, if you do inspire her to do her own legwork, whether in this course or future courses, you may have just made a friend for life who will do you some big favor later on.

DC :)