why be nice?

Flipper, you are either very burned out, having PTSD, and/or in need of some therapy. Please contact the EAP where you work before you breakdown.

It's our job.

as stated before "It's our job." Let me know how it goes when you go crazy on one your patients family members.

How many times do we shy away from confrontation? Where is the reward for being the nice guy? When can we unwrap what are tru feeling are? When can we have our say? How many family members have cornered you until you are at your limit? When will the damn break?

Why NOT be nice.

Be nice does not mean shying away from confrontation....it DOES mean being tactful in your dealings andassessing whether addressing the issue is worthwhile, before doing so.

The reward is knowing that you have risen above the issue, behaved more maturely. And quite bluntly, the reward may be keeping your job.

When can we have our say? We can vent, within reason to our coworkers, and (within HIPAA) those close to us. We can exercise, take up hobbies that put our energy and stress to constructive use, when it gets to much. We can come here. We can put time into our religion. We can take breaks from work (lunch, time off) to mend ourselves. And when all else fails, therapy/EAP is there.

And if your workplace is too toxic, there are other facilities to work for and other jobs that nurses can do. It may help to investigate them.

Because you catch a whole lot more flies with honey than with vinegar.

"Nice" allows you to get away with a whole lot more.

How many times do we shy away from confrontation? Where is the reward for being the nice guy? When can we unwrap what are tru feeling are? When can we have our say? How many family members have cornered you until you are at your limit? When will the damn break?

It's a basic fact that the patients/families are paying and you're the one getting paid.

That alone should give you a hint on who gets the "reward," the "feelings," the "say."

...because I don't want to act like them!

Look at it from the family's side. This is their loved one, and the family most likely has no idea of what's going on. And if they do understand, they just want the best for the loved one, just as you would want the best for yours.

Are they being nasty? Maybe that is the only way they know how to cope. Nurses don't solve the family problems, but we can be the sounding board, if needed. Are they being unreasonable? That's what the supervisor is for.

Look at it from the family's side. This is their loved one, and the family most likely has no idea of what's going on. And if they do understand, they just want the best for the loved one, just as you would want the best for yours.

Are they being nasty? Maybe that is the only way they know how to cope. Nurses don't solve the family problems, but we can be the sounding board, if needed. Are they being unreasonable? That's what the supervisor is for.

True! Lots of times I think it is because they feel loss of control, so they (family or pt) try and "control" you. You have to set boundries. When setting boundries, you don't have to be nasty. Usually, it can be done gently but firmly. I say "usually". Sometimes there is no hope. During those times, I just try to make it through my shift while maintaining a professional attitude.

smile,explain the care, fluff the pillow, massage the toes and when you get in your car scream like we all do. Hospitals are not focusing on the nurse who gives excellent care. They want the nurse that doesn't know a thing about medicine, but leaves the family smiling. Remember perception

Some people are just mean, nasty and suck the life out of everyone they meet. These people, like everyone else, eventually either end up as a patient or the family of a patient. Nothing you do will make these people change, and nothing you do will ever make them happy; being happy and pleased is not in their nature. Once in your unit, they will continue to be mean, nasty and suck the life out of everyone they meet. Unfortunately, you are trapped with them for the duration of your shift.

When people are like that, I'm not "nice" -- I'm professional, do what I have to do, and get out. I do not engage in chit chat, I simple go in, "I'm Nerd and I'm here with your nightly meds." They don't get "puff and fluff" because it means they demand even more time, more resources, and cause more aggravation on the floor -- to you, the CNAs, the other nurses, and generally anyone they meet. Being "nice" makes these kind of people worse, not better. They mistake manners and gentleness for weakness, and proceed to bully you.

I've had those families call me everything under the sun for completely crazy things; I've had them threaten to get me fired because I won't give the pt narcotics, let them smoke in bed, or (how the heck was I supposed to do that -- get them the soap opera channel on the cable system at the hospital). I also document like crazy.

Ask not to have that particular patient the next shift, take a break, and regroup/refocus. I always tell myself that patients like that are the price I pay to help those I can.

Don't let a jerk turn you into one.