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Discussion

Martyrdom

Hey guys!

Nursing was a curiosity of mine back in high school as I felt I had the ability to inspire people and often made an excellent counselor. I thought that adding the skill of nursing allowed me to not only nurture the mind and soul of people, but also the body, which is true. However, as I make leaps and bounds towards paying off my student loans, and possibly walking away from nursing for good, I have discovered key aspects of myself that I didn't notice before that quite possibly might've drew me into the profession to begin with.

Nursing, to me, really plays on my martyrdom. It plays on that side of me that wants to feel like a victim of life and like I'm a "bad" person. And in nursing, I get a lot of experiences where people (patients, doctors, nurses, lab technicians, NPs, PA-Cs, radiologists) will talk down to me and make me feel like a "bad" person. Nurses are taught to not speak up, to put yourself last, to make it all about everyone else. It can be exhausting. But as I start to realize all of this about myself, I'm also starting to realize what the allure for nursing was for me (self-less, caring, nurturing, others) isn't exactly the way in which I want my care for myself and for others to manifest in this world.

But what has been others experience? Does anyone else feel like nursing plays on that martyr side of themselves? I can certainly see how nursing can be empowering. I'm not going to lie, having to only commit to 3 days a week or even less depending on one's financial ability is a wonderful feeling which makes it difficult for me to cut ties with nursing altogether at this point.

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    Nobody talks down to me. And never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself undeservedly.

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    But what has been others experience? Does anyone else feel like nursing plays on that martyr side of themselves?
    Okay...I admit I was a pushover until about five years ago. People used to talk to me badly because they knew they'd suffer no consequences for their rude actions. I had a weak sense of self and a history of receiving verbal abuse from a parent, and I suspect my past issues affected my lack of confidence with people. In essence, I didn't stand up for myself in the manner that I should have.

    The turning point was the summer of 2010, when an accusatory EMT was hollering at me for calling their EMS service to transport a patient to a higher level of care because of a change in condition. She felt the local fire/rescue squad should have done the transport. Soon after that incident I vowed to not allow people to run over me again.

    I am now assertive with my dealings with people. My body language exudes confidence. I speak as if I know what the hell I'm talking about. And you know what? Nobody messes with me anymore. Sure, people have attempted to run over me or be disrespectful, but I swiftly put them in their place and cause them to slow their roll.

    I am not a martyr. I am a work in progress. A martyr dies a thousand deaths inside, whereas a soldier dies just once. I choose to be strong and soldier on.

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    None of my schools (undergrad or graduate) taught me "to not speak up, to put yourself last, to make it all about everyone else."

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    Well nursing was historically a women's profession and there have been issues about nurses being treated in a subservient way. However, there is no reason to allow yourself to be treated poorly. I think "martyrdom" is a pretty strong word.

    i am sorry that you feel like your career is comparable to martyrdom. My feeling is that you may be in a bad space in your personal life and it is making everything look bleak.

    Maybe some short term counseling might support you and help you sort out the personal from the professional? I wish you well.

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    Nobody talks down to me. And never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself undeservedly.

    THIS.

    Maybe because I have no issues with communicating with people, and can be aggressively assertive, no one talks down to me...people can be derisive, but I cut that business quick in a professional manner and set the tone of how I prefer to be spoken to and to be treated-to doctors, nurses, patients, and their families.

    I have a very unusual name; I had to deal with peers and children attempting to be bullies and make fun of me and I learned then how to respond appropriately to how I want to be treated and have learned as a child to be successful at this.

    OP, you have a right to learn how to treat yourself and dictate to other how you want to be treated.

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    • Author
    THIS.

    Maybe because I have no issues with communicating with people, and can be aggressively assertive, no one talks down to me...people can be derisive, but I cut that business quick in a professional manner and set the tone of how I prefer to be spoken to and to be treated-to doctors, nurses, patients, and their families.

    I have a very unusual name; I had to deal with peers and children attempting to be bullies and make fun of me and I learned then how to respond appropriately to how I want to be treated and have learned as a child to be successful at this.

    OP, you have a right to learn how to treat yourself and dictate to other how you want to be treated.

    Correct. That said, I don't think that's going to come for me in this profession.

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    I don't feel like a martyr, I am a well paid professional. I was, like Commuter, less assertive earlier in my career. No one "makes me feel like a bad person". I'm a good person.

    You might want to read some books on assertiveness. One thing that can help is to let them know, in the moment, that they're coming across as mean or rude, such as "Why are you talking like you are angry, can you just answer my question please?" That usually stops people in their tracks. I said to a colleague the other week, "Why are you talking so mean to me?". She apologized, got a little defensive, then rephrased her statement.

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    • Author
    Well nursing was historically a women's profession and there have been issues about nurses being treated in a subservient way. However, there is no reason to allow yourself to be treated poorly. I think "martyrdom" is a pretty strong word.

    i am sorry that you feel like your career is comparable to martyrdom. My feeling is that you may be in a bad space in your personal life and it is making everything look bleak.

    Maybe some short term counseling might support you and help you sort out the personal from the professional? I wish you well.

    Well, it's not that I feel it comparable to martyrdom. That's not what I was trying to say. More that what drew me to the profession was my own inner martyr (and yes an innate care for others). And of course, people pick up on it. Many of my experiences as an RN have been different from my peers (as the responses I've gotten here reflect that). But i know I'm not the only one whose had this perception/experience.

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    Correct. That said, I don't think that's going to come for me in this profession.

    Who you are does not change with where you work. If you're too submissive and allow people to treat you badly in this job, you'll do so in any other job.

    Change jobs if you wish, but if you're looking to change how people treat you, you need to work on yourself.

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