Guilt over other nurse's med error
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yesterday there was a huge med error made on my unit. i didn't make the error; in fact i was the person who caught it. my patient almost died during my shift. i had last night off, so i don't even know if the patient did die after all.
i feel so sick. i haven't been able to sleep. i'm terrified of going to work. i feel almost as if i had made the error. i keep reliving the moment when i checked the iv pump and realized that it had been programmed incorrectly. i just keep thinking that it could just as easily have been me who made an error like that. have i always been as vigilant as a could be? have there been times when i merely glanced at the pump settings during a double check?
i am shaking so badly that i don't know if i can work. also, i do not want to be grilled for information on what happened by my co-workers, although i really need someone to talk to. i tried to tell my family what happened, but they really can't comprehend the situation well enough to understand my distress.
i really like the nurse who made the error, and i am frightened for what will happen to her. on the other hand i am also resentful of her (and of the other two nurses who were supposed to have double-checked the med) for throwing me into the mess i had to deal with last night. i had to watch the patient's wife crying at the bedside. i kept thinking, "i hope she doesn't think it was me who did this to her husband." but then i also thought that i am absolutly capable of making a similar mistake, so why shouldn't she think it was me. haven't i just been lucky?
why do i feel so horrible???