Burned out and depressed

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I'm not really sure how to start this, but I guess I'd just like some input or maybe some encouragement. I'm sure this will sound like a thousand other posts...

I graduated in 2010 with my BSN and started working right away on a Med-Surg/Tele floor at a community hospital. I have always worked night shift, full-time. I had a great group of people that I worked with, and was able to train for charge and as a preceptor. But last year I started to despise going to work, partly because I was tired of the aggressive/heavy patient load, and partly because I felt stuck and burned out. I have always been interested in women's health, so five months ago I accepted a job at a larger private hospital on a postpartum floor.

So far I am still miserable, even more so. I hate to say this, because it makes me feel like a failure. There are aspects of the job that I love, but also parts of it that I hate. It's a 90 bed unit, and there's little teamwork. Day shift bullies night shift, and since I decided to speak up about it, it has only become worse. Every nurse seems hungry to write up the next.

I realize these descriptions are not unique to this facility. I just don't know what to do. I am starting to hate being a nurse. Initially I studied English and Sociology. I decided to become a nurse because, like so many, I thought I could help people. Now I realize the bottom line is, "get them in, get them out". I'm tired of the blame, the micromanagement, the lack of autonomy, the huge responsibility, and lack of respect for both the patients and the nurses. I'm tired of the pettiness, the competition, the cliques, and the anger nurses harbor toward one another.

I'm not sure what to do. I know being on night shift and having a two year old that still wakes up multiple times during the night doesn't help. I'm lucky to have a supportive husband, but he works long hours on days, so we are always struggling to find childcare. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. In theory, I would love to find a part-time day shift position (not offered at my current facility), but worry because I've only been at my current job for such a short time. I am also interested in public health, but don't qualify for local positions who desire previous experience.

I frequently feel anxious and depressed during my time off. My doctor referred me to a therapist who wants to start me on an anti-depressant/anxiolytic as well as a sleep aid because unless I've worked the night before, I no longer sleep before my shifts, so I regularly go greater than 24 hours with no sleep. So far, I've refused because I don't really want to go on these medications just to function as a bedside nurse. Also, anything other than Benadryl causes me to feel horrible. I had about three weeks off in between my last job and my current, and it was the happiest I've felt in years.

I question my decision to become a nurse on a daily basis, but don't know what else to do, especially in this treacherous job market. I live in a highly competitive and very high COL area. Yet, I have recently lost two friends to unexpected deaths, and have a family member on hospice. It's made me seriously rethink my priorities, and consider how short life is. I think I might be happier in a clinic setting, but don't know how long I should stay where I'm at before applying somewhere else. Any thoughts or words of wisdom?

Thanks in advance. I hope this all makes sense, kind of hard when there's a toddler trying to help :-) I feel I should add that I am truly grateful to have a job in the first place, and a career that offers my family a good income and benefits. I just am starting to wonder if it is all worth the stress...

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You are not alone. I feel the same way you do about the nursing profession now. I too have come to despise it. I have longed to leave it for years. Now working in case management thinking it would be better, but it's not. Instead I feel the responsibility for even more people and I am really just wore out on caring about everyone else in the world ahead of me and my family. I think you should look for something outside of the hospital and see if you still like nursing. I did work in an office setting and it was ok, but still a fast paced, get em seen so we can move on to the next one kind of thing. I am now actively looking for jobs outside of healthcare. Very hard though, since I don't have any other degree. Still working full time and hating it. You are so right about the "life is short" thing...I KNOW there are people out there happy with what they do and I want to be one of those people. Stress is so unhealthy and I am tired of doing this to myself! Good luck and hope you find some peace one day!

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Thank you. I know this topic has been addressed ad nauseam so I appreciate your response. It helps me to feel not alone. I know plenty of nurses who love their jobs in spite of the stress, and I wish I was one of those people. I also know plenty that hate, hate, hate their jobs, and it frightens me. I grow even more depressed when I think about how early it is in my career, and how I can't fathom doing what I'm doing now for much longer. Thank you again, and I wish you the same peace!

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

The good news - working so long on a MS/Tele unit means that you are capable of working anywhere! Don't give up on nursing. Find another area to work in. Heck, with 3 years of MS/Tele, you could easily move into a charge position also.

Best of luck in your search for greener pastures.

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Specializes in Hospice Nursing.

It does get better! I was on an oncology floor at a large teaching hospital for nine years. I did not realize until I had moved on to another job how my health had suffered. In addition to debilitating migraines, I had multiple bouts of bronchitis. I ended up having several orthopedic surgeries and also developed major depression. I have been in hospice nursing (now a supervisor) for the last 10 years. I took a pay cut to make this move, but I am convinced it saved my health and quality of life. You are getting a lot of valuable nursing experience and you will find the right position for you.

Good luck!

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@annrn64--- you said you suffer from migraines-- I'm starting nursing school in a couple of weeks and I have migraines that I can't seem to get under control. How did you manage them while working? Do you take meds? Do you have a special diet? Did the long hours/stress exacerbate them? I'm so worried.

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Specializes in Hospice Nursing.
@annrn64--- you said you suffer from migraines-- I'm starting nursing school in a couple of weeks and I have migraines that I can't seem to get under control. How did you manage them while working? Do you take meds? Do you have a special diet? Did the long hours/stress exacerbate them? I'm so worried.

I had a really good neurologist who was pretty aggressive in managing my migraines. My headaches have always waxed and waned and I have been in pretty good control for that last 5 years or so. I think you do what you can to identify and eliminate your triggers (when you can) and work with a good headache specialist. I work with a lot of nurses who live with migraines and we have all managed to function. It's not always easy but it can be done. Good luck!

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

If you can get a day shift position, even full time, it may help you a lot. Sleep is a blessing. If you are home at night, you may be able to identify the source of your toddler's sleeping issues and put a consistent plan to work. Your unit sounds dysfunctional, but you know from your previous positions that is not how it is everywhere. You can and will find a new position. Start applying for day shift (even part time) positions in outside hospitals, clinics, and out-patient surgery centers. By the time they get back to you and hire you, you will have gone for 6+ months at your current position. Not bad. I'm sure you aren't the first or the last to leave.

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Pray. Apply for jobs. Fly under the radar. Work as though it will be your last day.This is how I am currently surviving burn out!

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Any position that is driving you to be prescribed medication in order to handle the stress.. is not a position worth holding.

You also have personal stressors and lack of sleep that is preventing you from making a well thought out decision.

Please get other professional advice, as your "therapist" is just throwing pills at you and is beyond useless.

You will be pleasantly surprised as to how many other positions you qualify for.. when you can think straight.

Good luck, keep us posted.

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Oh my, I have just posted a topic talking about exactly the same feelings. I almost collapsed at work- I literally had a nervous breakdown i was that burnt out and depressed. I ended up very sick emotionally and physically and am still recovering.

dont let it happen to you! Don't let it get that far!

Do some google searches- you'll quickly find that burnout is literally the result of long term stress. Stress wreaks terrible havoc on our mind and bodies and can result in very real physical symptoms including migraines, tummy troubles, insomnia, bad eating patterns, weight problems, immunity problems (do you get sick a lot?) and also mental problems like anxiety and depression. Burnout shares a lot of symptoms in common with depression- I wonder if burnout is like situational job-related depression? If you took the job away, would the symptoms go? You said yes- you went on holiday and you felt better. So I'd hesitate before taking antidepressants. Get the therapy first, change the job, see if your symptoms improve. I am on an antidepressant but that's because I actually have clinical depression not just job-related depression. Though since I left nursing my depression has almost completely gone- it's gone back to being well managed and I forget I have it. So finding the right job is important- any job that makes you sick with stress, anxious, depressed, dreading life- that's not for you. That's your mind telling you that it can't cope- you need to listen. No paycheck is worth that damage.

Talk to a therapist. Find one you can afford and talk out your feelings. Therapy is fantastic- it really helps you see things clearly and come up with useful strategies to cope mentally, physically, financially- I swear by therapy. It literally saved my sanity. Through therapy you can work out what your triggers are for stress and depression, how to deal with them- basically how to find peace in your life. The end result for me was the epiphany that nursing wasn't for me- I'm studying to be a kindergarten teacher now and in the meantime will happily work at the supermarket! But your result might be different- a different area, different hours, or like me, a different career.

maybe in the meantime work agency? There's heaps of variety, lots of different environments so you won't get burnt out by the same crap over and over, lots of choice of shifts to fit around your lifestyle and family. Lots of extra money because it's unpredictable but that might mean you can work less, and be far more picky about where you work. Best of all- you get to try heaps of different types of nursing which will give you heaps of experience and you might find your true calling!

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