MG1984

Thank you. I know this topic has been addressed ad nauseam so I appreciate your response. It helps me to feel not alone. I know plenty of nurses who love their jobs in spite of the stress, and I wish I was one of those people. I also know plenty that hate, hate, hate their jobs, and it frightens me. I grow even more depressed when I think about how early it is in my career, and how I can't fathom doing what I'm doing now for much longer. Thank you again, and I wish you the same peace!

I'm not really sure how to start this, but I guess I'd just like some input or maybe some encouragement. I'm sure this will sound like a thousand other posts... I graduated in 2010 with my BSN and started working right away on a Med-Surg/Tele floor at a community hospital. I have always worked night shift, full-time. I had a great group of people that I worked with, and was able to train for charge and as a preceptor. But last year I started to despise going to work, partly because I was tired of the aggressive/heavy patient load, and partly because I felt stuck and burned out. I have always been interested in women's health, so five months ago I accepted a job at a larger private hospital on a postpartum floor. So far I am still miserable, even more so. I hate to say this, because it makes me feel like a failure. There are aspects of the job that I love, but also parts of it that I hate. It's a 90 bed unit, and there's little teamwork. Day shift bullies night shift, and since I decided to speak up about it, it has only become worse. Every nurse seems hungry to write up the next. I realize these descriptions are not unique to this facility. I just don't know what to do. I am starting to hate being a nurse. Initially I studied English and Sociology. I decided to become a nurse because, like so many, I thought I could help people. Now I realize the bottom line is, "get them in, get them out". I'm tired of the blame, the micromanagement, the lack of autonomy, the huge responsibility, and lack of respect for both the patients and the nurses. I'm tired of the pettiness, the competition, the cliques, and the anger nurses harbor toward one another. I'm not sure what to do. I know being on night shift and having a two year old that still wakes up multiple times during the night doesn't help. I'm lucky to have a supportive husband, but he works long hours on days, so we are always struggling to find childcare. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. In theory, I would love to find a part-time day shift position (not offered at my current facility), but worry because I've only been at my current job for such a short time. I am also interested in public health, but don't qualify for local positions who desire previous experience. I frequently feel anxious and depressed during my time off. My doctor referred me to a therapist who wants to start me on an anti-depressant/anxiolytic as well as a sleep aid because unless I've worked the night before, I no longer sleep before my shifts, so I regularly go greater than 24 hours with no sleep. So far, I've refused because I don't really want to go on these medications just to function as a bedside nurse. Also, anything other than Benadryl causes me to feel horrible. I had about three weeks off in between my last job and my current, and it was the happiest I've felt in years. I question my decision to become a nurse on a daily basis, but don't know what else to do, especially in this treacherous job market. I live in a highly competitive and very high COL area. Yet, I have recently lost two friends to unexpected deaths, and have a family member on hospice. It's made me seriously rethink my priorities, and consider how short life is. I think I might be happier in a clinic setting, but don't know how long I should stay where I'm at before applying somewhere else. Any thoughts or words of wisdom? Thanks in advance. I hope this all makes sense, kind of hard when there's a toddler trying to help :-) I feel I should add that I am truly grateful to have a job in the first place, and a career that offers my family a good income and benefits. I just am starting to wonder if it is all worth the stress...