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Discussion

Ups and downs

I'm sure many can relate to ups and downs while in monitoring. My case is not unique. The absolute horror at my actions and upheaval related to the consequences is far behind me, thankfully. The overwhelm at getting started on the monitoring contract is fairly recent but has abated for the most part.

I'm getting ready to apply for reinstatement of my RN license in a few weeks, I'm not anticipating any noncompliance that would prevent that. I'm pretty pleased about, and deeply grateful for, that. My life is stable. I don't use. I can actually predict and choose the outcome of things and have a reasonable chance that they will turn out pretty well what one might expect them to. There was a time in my life that I didn't see that Cause and Effect relationship, where everything really felt on the brink, all the time; and it didn't take long for it to spin way out of control.

In a way, it's an odd feeling. Up until a year or so ago, I thought there would be little chance of me applying for that reinstatement. Yet, here it is :)

These days, the most difficult thing is dealing with the little things, the teeth gritting things that test your patience and resolve. I've had a few fairly aggravating things in the past few weeks with collection site issues, which are mostly resolved but need to be watched. Yesterday it was an oversight of the actual terms on my monitoring agreement, by someone that should know better. It was easily solved, but aggravating. Had to double check a whole bunch of things, send messages/emails, etc. and spent most of the day worrying about the outcome. Finally, I heard back and the matter was resolved in my favor. I'm not out to be nasty, but I've learned a long time ago that I have to be very proactive and assertive when these issues happen. Being in a monitoring program and dealing with these things is good practice for returning to the profession.

Recovery has given me tools to actually look forward to returning. It's been a long time.

Mind-blowing if I really think about where I was, how far I've come, and where I am today. For so long I never thought I'd EVER return. I thought I'd walked away and left it behind forever.

Not! I'm coming back! Really!

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    Yes ma'am Big Blondie I am, thanks to you and so many others being here on this forum for me, and for the others out there that have helped along the way at one of the darkest times of my life.

    One of the blessings of recovery is learning that I wasn't alone. When I found this forum and saw there were others like me, it was such a great feeling. I do go to regular 12 Step meetings but don't have access to Caduceus or other meetings that are for recovering health professionals. Knowing that there are others that felt like me, made similar mistakes, and have come through them, is priceless. I hope that my posts help others on this forum in some measure as well.

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    Congrats on putting in for the reinstatement--I'm sure lots of thought and other stuff went into that decision. Glad you decided to come back!:up:

    It's always the little things that get under your skin. I just keep reminding myself that the little things aren't worth stressing over--if I'm still alive and in one working piece, it's all good. Sometimes I think back on where I was 6 years ago and can't believe I got through it--but I did! This thing called Life--it's AWESOME!

    Finding this site was wonderful for me, too--I think it's great that we can reach out and support each other, learn from each other, etc. etc. I don't remember how I stumbled on it, but I tell all the nurses I know about allnurses.com.

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    I can relate to the ups and downs! I've had many ups so far my two years in recovery.. The main one being sober! Plenty downs have come too, but I can consider it an up that I am able to make it through those downs sober. Right now I'm in the process of finding work. I left a stressful environment at work that wasn't helping my recovery and now trying to find work again seems more difficult than the first time. I am trying to branch out and think outside the box but I really can't think of any bedside jobs that are recovery friendly. I am in the Richmond area of Va, any suggestions are greatly welcomed!

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    Yes, congratulations, beginning of the promises....

    just keep doing the next right thing

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    I agree that this site is great in finding support and information on matters that seem daunting.

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