Skip to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.
allnurses

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Discussion

Unnecessary behavior

Today, I was rounding in the ER as the rapid response nurse, and a nurse who I've had issues with in the past came up to me, put her hands on my arms to push me aside, and said, "MOVE.” 
I am at a loss of what to do, because every time I report other staff disrespecting me, or treating me poorly, it tends to get turned around on me. 
I was not in her way at all. She had plenty of room to go around me. I was leaning against the wall, in an attempt to offer her help. I didn't say anything, and left the ER. 

I am uncomfortable with speaking to her 1:1, as I fear she will just yell at me. 
My past issues with her include her yelling at me, and telling me how to do my job (I have more experience), belittling me in front of patients, and declining to accommodate my disability when I had a back injury. For those issues, she was asked to switch units, as she also had several other complaints from other staff about her behavior. 
I want this to stop, especially now that she's laid her hands on me. But I want to do it with professionalism and stand my ground. 
Any advice is greatly appreciated. 

  • Quote

    • Featured Replies

    In my experience, calling out unprofessional behavior in the moment it happens is the most effective way to address it. If there's an audience to witness it, all the better. Don't hesitate to do it in front of a patient. People like this bank on you keeping your mouth shut to avoid a scene. They are bullies. 

    Practice scenarios in your head ahead of time so you won't be caught off guard. If you're like a lot of us, you think of just the right response the next day. 

    Running to management should be avoided if possible.  But, keep a careful record of dates, times, and descriptions of these incidents in the event that you do resort to that.

  • Quote
    resumecpr said:

    Thank you!

    You're welcome.  Things that worked for me were as follows:

    The triage nurse had a habit of getting flustered, bossy, rude to me when bringing up patients to my rooms. In the moment (at the nurses station in front of others) I  calmly said 'I don't like the way you are talking to me,  please rephrase that in a polite way'. She did, and after that she treated me much more respectfully. 

    An ER tech had a bad habit of getting bossy, and embarrassing me in front of the patients. At first I was tongue tied,  not wanting to make a scene. Finally,  I put her in her place, in front of the patient. I told her to not talk to me like that, reminding her that I'm the RN and will make these decisions.  She never repeated this behavior and we went on to have a good working relationship. 

  • Quote
    • Author

    I appreciate this very much!

     She even came into the trauma bay after a resuscitation to yell "can you silence that monitor!” near the end of my shift. I had my hands full and didn't even acknowledge her. I wish I had the guts to say something in the moment, but with the first incident, it was an emergent situation, so timing wouldn't have been great. 
    I can only try to do it the next time (because there surely will be!).

    Thanks again for the insight. 
     

  • Quote
    • Experts
    Emergent said:

    In my experience, calling out unprofessional behavior in the moment it happens is the most effective way to address it. If there's an audience to witness it, all the better. Don't hesitate to do it in front of a patient. People like this bank on you keeping your mouth shut to avoid a scene. They are bullies. 

     

    Emergent's advice is seconded. This nurse is a bully and needs to be called out directly and objectively on their behavior.

    Objectively and directly calling someone out needs to be based on facts and "I statements" need to be made. For example, "Do NOT physically push me out of the way or give me orders. I am not a subordinate in this situation and I will not be pushed out of the way or in any other way be disrespected!"

    Now, I had time to come up with this response, yet in formulating it, stuck to those basic rules institutionalized within my behavior, which are based in facts and I statements. Facts: A staff member put their hands on me. A peer (with less seniority) gave me an order. I felt disrespected and if I feel that way, it is a fact.

    Back in '92 or '93, while working in a small rural hospital, I was the nurse recording the intervention during  a code. I was the newbie nurse at this facility and a seasoned nurse with  a reputation for being difficult with which to get along with had given me a hard time from the get-go. This nurse would give out VS in a muffled tone for which I could not hear. I said loudly and clearly, "I can't hear you, so you need to speak up!" The nurse reacted appropriately.

    That nurse, much later on, accused me of harassing her, and I was fired for arguing with her. During this altercation, I followed the factual format, believed I had handled the situation well, which was recounted at the Employment Security adjudication process, and won the case.

    Some years later, I received a telephone call from the Dept. of Public Health, who was investigating njmerous charges brought on that facility, by that nurse, who had, by then, been terminated. One nurse charge involved a particular code (with which I was involved) needed to be investigated, and listed me as one who would verify the charges, in effect, be on that nurse's side.

    I told the Public Health investigator that this nurse was not involved in that particular code, not being scheduled that shift. I also said that I had no idea why I was noted as someone who would verify their complaint when they were the root cause of my termination. I sensed the investigator saw the reality of the situation- that these were bogus charges- although said nothing specific to that effect.

    Edgar Cayce said, "You can't get anybody in more trouble than they can get themselves into", and this is one of many which proved that premise in my nursing career. So, if we remain objective and factual in practicing the principles of our professional integrity, we will allow others, however eventual, to hang themselves.

     

     

     

  • Quote

    In front of everyone you say, "I want to speak with you privately" exactly like that and with no extra words. If she doesn't immediately make time to do that by either giving you a time or doing it right then and there, you say it firmly in front of everyone "Don't ever put your hands on me again." Then you walk away and leave no space for further discussion.  

    If that doesn't improve how people treat you, then you need to go to HR. 

  • Quote

    I don't want to turn this around on you - but you said:  "every time I report other staff disrespecting me, or treating me poorly, it tends to get turned around on me."

    This makes me wonder how often this happens, is it the same person or several persons? If you are having to report this "every time" is there something that you are doing that is offensive to them?  I would look at that first - but then, I agree with the other statements here - Emergent's advice. Address it at the time. Maybe think ahead of what you will say.  Nurses can be terrible to each other in many ways. Been there myself. Hope this gets better for your. 

  • Quote
    • Experts

    I 100 percent agree but I also think you should escalate this to your senior. You can tell them you want to be coached to handle this with the individual.  It doesn't have to be a formal process. This does 2 things: gets it in front of your senior and it shows that you are a  mature and responsible professional.

    I had a great boss a while back. I went to her to complain about someone and she was happy to listen and coach me through dealing with it directly. I was horrified because the woman was deeply unpleasant and spoke to me like I was something she scraped off her shoe. However, every time we worked together and she was rude/dismissive/hostile I had a script that was manager approved. Best thing I ever did. It took about 6 weeks and I hated it in the moment but ultimately she stopped the behaviors. I grew professionally from the experience too. It was also the hardest thing I've ever done professionally. 
     

    Failing that you can ask your senior for mediation with that individual. 

  • Quote

    Immediately loudly say something (  choose your words that are comfortable)  such EXCUSE me  DO not push me/ put your hands on me that is incredibly unprofessional and rude. Turn and walk away. You leave with control of the situation. 

  • Quote

    Next time she does something like that, look her straight in the eye, and in a loud voice, say "Get your hands off me NOW!”  And continue to look her straight in the eye.  Don't back down.  People like this are bullies and they need to be put in their place.  If she continues to make a scene, tell her the next time she lays a hand on you, you WILL report her to management for battery.  Keep looking her in the eye to make your point.  I'm sorry you are going through this at work, but NO ONE should EVER be treated like this in the workplace.  When I worked as a nurse, I used to be timid and was bullied.  I now work in a manufacturing/factory environment and have learned very quickly how to stand up for myself and to tell others off who think they can push me around.  Believe me, it only takes a few times doing things like this to get people step back, back off, and think twice before they act like jerk.  Hang in there, you've got this!

  • Quote

    Getting physically pushed like that would've crossed a line for me immediately. It's one thing to deal with attitude, but putting hands on someone is a different level and shouldn't be normalized at all. I'd keep it calm but firm next time in the moment, then document everything right after. Patterns matter, especially since there's already history there.

  • Quote

    • Join the conversation

    You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

    Guest
    Add a Comment
    Go to topic listing

    Currently Reading 0

    • No registered users viewing this page.

    Account

    Navigation

    Search

    Search

    Configure browser push notifications
    Chrome (Android)
    1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
    2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
    3. Adjust your preference.
    Chrome (Desktop)
    1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
    2. Select Site settings.
    3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.