Torn - advice appreciated

We all have our slice of cake; sitting down and doing paperwork isn't yours. Doing ADLS isn't mine. I wouldn't step into a position where I'd be doing ADLS and if I did, I'd find something else.. fast.

You are definitely not alone.

Over the years, I have mentored a lot of nurses who have moved from clinical to "support" positions as their careers advanced. I always warn them to expect a grief reaction triggered by the losses associated with this change. Most of us enter nursing because we are motivated to engage in positive, meaningful work that will benefit others (AKA, the "calling"- LOL). Even though we may not notice it when we're in the thick of things, we actually obtain enormous amounts of positive feedback/affirmation from clinical work; from patients, colleagues, families, and just from knowing we made a difference.

When we move into that 'desk' job, it all goes away. We should be happy. We probably have better working hours, less physical labor, more pay... so what in the heck is making me feel so depressed??? It's because we have lost the very thing that nourished our professional identity. It's a huge loss that we may not even be aware of - and it generates a natural grief reaction. It does get better as time goes on, especially if you can connected to patient care in some way.

I would try getting a PRN position first. That way you could keep your desk job while also testing the waters at the bedside.

If your PRN shifts go well, then you can look at getting a staff position. If not, you'll have your answer and can stay in your desk job.

Another thing to look into would be volunteer work. You could do hospice visits, parish nursing, health clinics, blood drives, etc., to get some patient interaction.

Now that I have a set schedule, I'm going to sign up as a CASA volunteer (court appointed special advocate for neglected/abused children). It's not nursing-related, but it does allow me to work with a child who needs someone advocating for them to ensure that they get their physical, emotional, and educational needs met.

Do some looking around to see what opportunities exist in your community. You may be able to meet your needs for personal interaction without giving up your day job.

You should always do what you think will make you happy? I don't know what motivates you,m money, growth, certain goals? I know that I will be a staffer for as long as I can. I actually love my patients and don't want to not be a part of their lives, I think I am helping to make their lives better, even the unruly ones. In this economy please make sure that you weigh your decisions though.

Life is too short not to be happy. I think you have to do what you find satisfaction and enjoyment in. As someone else said, try easing back into working at the bedside, but as I suspect for you (with 20 years of nursing experience) it will be like riding a bike; you never forget, but you might have gotten a little rusty. I feel like you would be able to jump right back in, albeit with a marginal adjustment period.

What about clinical education in whatever your specialty used to be? Teaching the next generation of nurses? You get to do a bit of "hands-on" for teaching without the rush/rush that can occur at the job. Just a suggestion.

I'm worried about being in your shoes someday, because I finally found my niche, but who knows if I"ll be able to keep it up for 35 years til retirement.... I did the desk job for a year when my son was an infant, and hated it. Definitely not my thing.

Hope you find something that fulfills you!

Some of you have heard this story before, but i think it might help.

I was in shock when I first lost my hospital job to a reorg. Like most nurses with hospital careers, I thought I'd be there forever, I loved it, I was good at it, had great reviews. But the budget was slashed and there went my clinical specialist job.

So three weeks later I'm still in shock, but I'm in a CM job with a third-party administration company (work comp, benefits and case management for other companies who didn't want to do it themselves), and the boss comes in and says, "Everybody up and out, XYZ Insurance Co is taking us all to lunch." And as I am sitting in this very lovely restaurant with china and linen and glassware, surrounded by terrific nurses who are smart and funny, and it's getting on towards 2pm, I suddenly said to myself, "Hell, I never had a job like this in nursing before!"

And I have never, never looked back.

Try to find something that you like in what you do, or if not in what you do for work, what your position allows you to do in the rest of your life. Like, perhaps, not waking up worrying in the middle of the night because you can't remember whether you charted that dose, or not having to explain why you can't be there for the wedding/christening/bar mitzvah/birthday/anniversary/big game, or not having to haul out of a nice warm bed with your sweetie on a Sunday morning to go to work in the cold and dark, or being able to do a little shopping at lunch and not worry about who's gonna be ****ed off that you're not back to cover her lunch, or ...

If you really miss patient contact, perhaps you could volunteer for one or two evenings a month in a free clinic or women's shelter. They really need nursing, and it might be just enough for you.

I agree with the other posters, prn or volunteering may satisfy your need for "making a difference". All I've done is bedside nursing, I often dream of sitting behind a desk, not worrying about patient satisfaction, CME guidelines, VTE fallouts, etc... But then I think about not being able to help save a life, or comfort someone who is hurting.

I will be that nurse who volunteers hours at a clinic when I am no longer able to physically handle the stressors of bedside nursing.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I did start a home health job prn so hoping this will satisfy the clinical component. We'll see! I'm trying to be positive and will give the day job a litle more time. I wasn't doing too good with the micromanaging when it started in the hospitals several years back. The one post reminded me how still real that is. I thought about teaching clinical but heard the pay is very low for the amount of time and extra work that is expected. It's a thought though! Thank you again