This constant nagging....
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I am just wondering if there is anyone out there that feels the same way as I. A long while back I asked something similiar and got a few responses. I was giving myself time to see if how I felt would go away.... please do not flame me for this post, I am just trying to do some soul searching......
I absolutely love health care, the science and art of it, the complexity... I went into nursing because I wanted to learn more and because I wanted to be able to apply my knowledge for a greater good.
My last year and a half as a nurse has been a struggle. Inside I often find myself slightly uneasy, because I don't feel that I fit. There is a internal hunger that I cannot satisfy. I thought perhaps learnign more, being in a more autonomous, dynamic environment (ICU) would quench it. While I am not an expert, I am a competent Icu nurse and I still feel this drive. I am currently taking a grad physiolgy course which is part of the CRNA program's curriculum and its complexity is quite intruiging. However, I still ponder if it will be enough....... ultimately, I feel like my calling is medicine. I have tried to relinquish this sentiment, because there are so many wonderful attributes of nursing. It is a great profession and I have grown so very much from just my short period in it. I also am torn because I feel quite dismayed that my hard work in becoming a nurse has been for very little because here I am 18 months after graduation and feeliing the need for a career change. I often feel quite alone is this sentiment. The majority of the nurses I know... love nursing.... while I want to love nursing, deep inside I do not love myself in nursing, if this means any sense.
I appreciate anyone who is still reading this and wonder if there is anyone else out there with the same feelings... thank you.