Support needed

[b eyes]

Hello all. Just wanted to talk about something that has been going on. Working in ER recently, received a threatening phone call from a very angry family member about the care his wife received. This person was threatening in that he made a threat which was reportable tot he police. My conscious told me to reprot it, by heart said he is absolutely distraught in that this wife just received a poor diagnosis. My feelings come into play here in that I know he was spouting off out of anger hoping he didn't mean to follow through with thte threat. Police found him today. He told a different story, denied the threat. I then had to care for his wife today. She was brought in by her two daughters. Tears poured down their cheeks. They were so appreciative and thankful for the care I had given. They do not know I was the one who called the police on their father/husband. The whole famiy is so distraught over her diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. And they are upset that she had been seen in the ER three times prior to this without a diagnosis. The husband told the police he said things to me that I absolutely have no recollection of! So now I am questioning myself, did i mishear him, did I not hear everything? I wrote it all down as soon as I got off the phone. Did I forget something? What is going on with me?

[netglow, ASN, RN]

b eyes,

You heard correctly when you got the phone call.

Realize that that call was very traumatic for you. You were struggling about how to deal with it too, added stress.

I allow you one more time to recall the phone call and what happened only in order for you to write it all down as it happened in detail on a notepad at home. Give yourself 30 minutes. Then look it over, and then put the pad away in a drawer.

Give yourself a break, and find some big distraction for you when you are off work for the next week or so.

[mentalhealthRN]

That is a tough situation. People respond to news like that in ways that sometimes can be totally out of character for them. Anger and finding someone or something to blame is normal. Part of the greiving process. I would suggest if he comes in again to maybe have a meeting with a doc, a social worker and the nurse manager for the ER and have security near by just in case. Sometimes people spew things that they don't even realize they are saying. I think it's important that the staff sit down and talk to him about the behaviors and try to both make it clear that you are all there to help and support him in any way you can but that threats can't not be tolerated. I think that approached in the right way with a doc, a SW and nurse present an effective intervention can be made. I have been a part of these and usually have had the family member angry and defensive at first but end up appologizing and crying in the end. Its hard to hear the one you love is going to die most likely. Human response is unpredictible. Lashing out is common. I think you did what you felt like you needed to do. Period. Threats are never okay. --and maybe having the daughters there would be good too.

[Trilldayz,RN BSN]

Don't start to doubt what you heard, sometimes its easy to become confused when we begin to overthink things. Just because he was understandably upset with his wife's condition, he has NO RIGHT to threaten you. Of course he would try to deny threatening you, just to keep himself from facing consequences. Just continue to be a great nurse that obviously the wife and kids know you are and continue to have management be aware of the situation with the husband, so that safety protocols can be in place.

[dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I]

Not clear from your OP if you recieved the call at home or at work. There's no excuse for either anymore. If he tracked you down and called you at home I recomend an attorney to get a restraining order! Glad you took anecdotal notes. Of course his story is differant now, and can change on a whim, but your anecdotal notes are solid. Don't start doubting yourself now. A threat is a way of making you feel in danger, and your original notes at the time of occurence are valid.

A coworker was hit by a visitor in our ER lobby causing permanent shoulder problems. The district attorney prosecuted asking for a minimal sentence. The judge watched video of the event, threw the book at the assailant, and tore the DA a new one for failing to take injury to a nurse seriously.

Assault to healthcare staff is increasing in frequency. I believe we have to take it seriously. Guess I'm inflamatory compared to earlier replies, but after seeing so many facilities pooh poohing security, I believe that every threat, every assault needs to be documented, all taken seriously because more and more often we hear too late of the unhappy person who went and got a gun, then we have a national tragedy that might have been prevented by earlier intervention.

I've been threatened so often that, the quintessential 60's pacifist hippie, I've now armed myself in case I need to apply some "behavioral modification" to an assailant.

[gettingbsn2msn, MSN, RN]

We alert hospital security which are on call 24 hours. We have people go ballistic in certain cases in the er and a code grey is called. Now if they called back in and threatened us we would still report it to security should they decide to make a return visit. Always take this seriously.

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

ALL threats, whether verbally, physically, by phone, etc must be reported.

You feel guilty, but one time when I took a phone call from a very angry and upset parent who's child had been taken away from him (allegedly due to abuse), he somehow got access to a gun and was found wandering our hospital. Of course I reported it and we were in lockdown that day until he was arrested and put into custody. It was one very scary day I will never forget. He threated on the phone to me that he was going to come and kill everybody.

You need to report calls or threats of any kind right away, it doesn't matter re the other family member and what they are going through.

Remember, you have to protect your life and your co-workers first and the other patients, not the family members involved.

[wee_oneRN]

You did the right thing by reporting the threat. Just because he was upset is no excuse for his behavior. They say a person's true character shows in high stress situations, right? His is obviously violent. Don't second guess yourself because he is singing a different tune to the police. Why wouldn't he? He must know his behavior was out-of-line, or he just doesn't care. Don't feel sorry for this man, it's his wife that needs our empathy.

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

This happened to me recently. You should always report it and call the police. Sure they are having a crisis, but most people in the hospital are. Pleople need to know that there is no excuse for that type of behavior. It's not our job to determine what is a real threat or just blowing off steam.

[BluegrassRN]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Illness and fear bring out the best and the worst in people. Because you have perspective, you know that this fellow *probably* did not mean you any harm, but was simply in his grief and fear lashing out at the easiest, most available target. That's why you feel guilty. You understand and you sympathize. In reality, though, just because you understand the reasoning behind his anger and fear does not mean that what he did was acceptable.