Should I stick with this?

Hi all,

I've been in nursing for a year and a half now. At this point, I am trying to determine if I should stay in the profession. I like to write in to AllNurses for the variety of inputs I receive from new nurses as well as more seasoned nurses. I would appreciate your advice - again.

Here is a brief hx of me.

Spent 12 years in IT. The industry went bust, I was burned out and wanted to have a fulfilling second career. I chose nursing. I'd never had any experience at all with a hospital environment, so charts, doctors and the floor itself was all so foreign to me - and - LOL - so were some of the attitudes - given that I'd come from a more "corporate" world.

I went to a nursing school - an accelerated nursing track - finished with my ADN in 15 months. Clinicals were difficult - I had a hard time putting the pieces together. I never quite felt comfortable with my clinical experiences - and don't feel that I really had a firm grasp on that environment.

I finished nursing school, moved to Memphis and was immediately hired on at a large facility, working on a Tele/Med-Surg floor. This was my first exposure to the hospital "world". I was clueless. I didn't know it until after I was hired - but there was an internship program available to new grads. By the time I found out - I was told it was too late for me to enter the program. In addition, I was placed smack in the middle of one of the most difficult floors in the hospital. Call it being gullible or naive - I didn't know it was the most difficult floor there.

Eventually, I left that hospital. I wanted more experience - so I went to work in an ER at an inner city hospital. Halfway during orientation, I was told that I wasn't "fast enough" and that because I wasn't fast enough - there was a potential for patient safety issues. With that - I didn't feel comfortable staying - given the analysis by my preceptor - a seasoned nurse.

I went back to the original floor where I started.

I was doing well until several weeks ago - when I had a pt with a GI bleed. He should not have been on my floor - it is another story altogether on a previous post here. Needless to say - I was "counseled" - with the reason being that I failed to call the doctor in a timely manner.

This week I worked Monday and Tuesday night - Monday night I had a patient fall in her room. She was trying to get to the bedside commode - ambulatory pt - family at bedside and instructions to call for help if needed. Tuesday night - I had a pt that was confused - the same section I'd had the night before. He had a PRN order for Ativan. Tuesday night he was confused again. He received his order of Ativan - he calmed down and was more restful. After watching him - I'd placed my med cart outside his door - I saw that he'd fallen asleep. I went to check in on one of my other patients - a new admit with several needs needing to be addressed. I finished up with her and went back to my cart. I heard shuffling in my other pt's room. He was on the bedside commode, stating that he wanted his wheelchair (from his home) after he'd finished going to the bathroom. A co worker and myself were able to get him back to his bed. He was instructed to stay in bed and did so. I was able to get an additional 1 mg of Ativan ordered for him. I gave that and watched him. He settled down again and fell asleep.

By this time, I went to the other end of the hall to check a patient with restraints - to do her ROM exercises and resecure the restraints. I had just gotten one untied when I heard a huge crash and yelling. It was my pt, he had attempted to walk out of his room. He was in the doorway. He was assessed and found no injuries, neuro checks intact. He was placed in restraints at that point.

So - right now I am 2 for 2. I am paranoid! My manager says there's nothing to worry about and that I am too hard on myself - LOL - I'm a firstborn - so I guess that is correct. But - given these recent events over the last month - and the comments made by my preceptor in the ER - I wonder if she's right? Could it be that there is a "risk for patient safety" at my own hands? If so, I cannot, in good conscience do this work.

I have realized that I am a caring person and have wells of compassion for my patients - but I have also realized there is a distinct difference in "caring for patients" and "taking care of patients".

LOL - I seem to only write when I have problems. My hope is to continue to mature past these first two years of nursing and begin to offer more in terms of support for others.

I appreciate your support and honesty in helping me evaluate this for myself. Your input is appreciated.

Take care,

RiverNurse