Relapse

Yes, I have. After my 2nd DWI I really thought it was over, as far as my nursing career. It is possible, I did it. So can you. Gonna be a hard row to hoe! Good luck.

yes recovery is possible, as Oogie says, it is not always easy, but it is possible, with vigorous self honesty

I know exactly how you are feeling right now. Believe it or not this might have been a necessary step in your road to recovery. After two months of sobriety I had a relapse and it was the exact thing I needed. It took me from the place of feeling like "I've got this", which was truly just a mask for my, my family, and my friends benefit (complete delusion), to realizing that I have a life threatening disease they will kill me. For some reason the serious nature of my situation hadn't hit me yet.

Those first few steps I took were extremely painful because I had to accept that I couldn't do this- no matter how smart, strong, or determined I was. I would need the help of others to get through this. This new path in sobriety for me is different- I have a world full of people to help me provided I take the action to call on them.

Long term sobriety is possible, I watched my grand sponsor get her 25 year coin the other day. I've reached the point in my sobriety now where I am rarely hard on myself (I have my moments). You will get there too provided you put in the work to achieve it. Someone at a meeting told me that reaching your bottom simply means that the conditions in which you are living are degrading faster than you can adjust your standards. We're here for you!

You got a job offer, and then after that, relapsed and got arrested for DUI? I don't think the sequence of these events is coincidental.

Are you afraid of success? Some people are, and they find ways to sabotage it. I think that's something you should discuss with your sponsor, counselor, or whomever you trust to talk things out and give you support.

My guess would be an overwhelming feeling of "I've done so good, I've worked hard, I will drink just one more time because I deserve to destress and I won't drink ever again". At least that was my train of thought just prior to my relapse. Addiction/alcoholism is very very sneaky in the way it drives our thinking...

You let yourself down and got busted, now is time to forgive yourself and keep moving forward. Looking back, takes time away from you moving forward. What is in the past will always stay in the past. Question is will you keep beating yourself up for the past mistakes you've made, or spend your valuable time working for a positive future. The choice is yours. Peace

I also had a relapse at a landmark time in my recovery... all signs point to being afraid of success, or not feeling deserving of success... At the time I was more frightened than my original offense- I re-engaged in counseling, and got myself together. I was was surprised that the BON basically said "Sorry for your slip up, we want you to be successful, if it happens again there may be consequences".... almost like they expected it to happen.

Looking at the timing of it all it was another huge lesson, it brought the reality of addiction and monitoring from something that happened to me, to something I was complicit in. Overall the experience was valuable to my personal recovery.

Thank you everyone for your insightful comments and support. I am back on track and beginning a "relapse prevention " program tomorrow.