needs help

Due to computer problems and medical probs. with my hubby I have not been here for a while. I was wondering if the steroid injection helped you? Also if the MD has your pain under better control? I do have a suggestion for you. In an earlier post you said you were taking DCN-100 for pain and it helped "a bit" well if you can't work with anything stronger perhaps the MD can give you something stronger for your days off at least. That way you will have at least a few days that your pain is under better control. Please let up know how you are doing. I hope you are feeling much better now. Rhonda

I've been following your post but didn't post myself since others seemed to cover it. I was just wondering how you are feeling now? Is everything better now? Please update us. I hope you're feeling better. Rhonda

2sprOut02, I am also aware, as siri pointed out to you, that this is not a meical advice board. However we do SUPPORT each other going through interesting, hard, confusing, and difficult times. I so not intend m reply to be medical advice, and I do hope you have already discussed your problem with a medical provider. Let me tell you a story about my best friend in high school, ever so long ago. :rotfl: This poor girl keept passing out for no reason at odd times. She even fell down the stairs one time. She never new when it was going to happen. She eventually was diagnosed with seizures and put on meds. It was only then that she was able to return to high school, after missing a year. I hope this "story" helps you and you have already seen a new MD and are feeling better. PM me if you like. please keep us informed.

Zoeboboey & Rnmom3153 Thanks for your thoughtful, & inspiring works. I have been praying and asking for help and telling him I can't take it anymore but don't seem to get a response. I know he is there but I want to know what I did to deserve all this. I can't even seem to get motivated enough anymore to so anything. I'm just in a fog right now waiting for it to lift. I am not suicidal right now, which is a miracle after this weekend. First my computer went completely down, wouldn't do nothing. :angryfire Then I finally got my sister-in-law over to fix it (she built it) she came over two days later and finally after changing the CPU then motherboard it was fixed. Then a few hours later my hubby started acting WEIRD! His b/p was a little low (acceptable though), his blood sugar was 162 (fine there), he was spilling cereal and milk all over himself & didn't know it, couldn't get the spoon to his mouth, and was totally confused. He didn't even know my name. My son was out so I had no car. I called 911. They had two hundred questions. I told them I was an RN and needed help I thought my husband was having a stroke. All I wanted to do was get them on the way and call my son and father-in-law. I finally got off the phone with them and made my calls then they(EMS) called back with the same questions I had already asked. The guy didn't even want to let me go when I told him EMS was at the door. MY hubby didn't want to go to the ER even though my father-in-law and I both said he needed to. EMS wasn't going to take him since he answered a couple of questions right. I said oh h--- you are I have full power of attorney take him, now. They insisted on seeing the papers first. Finally got him to the ER and kept trying to get them to start the stroke protocols but they wouldn't. By the time they ran a CT he was back from whatever planet he had gone in his mind. They said he had sinusitis and sent in behavioral health. Needless to say I was not happy. I need to take him to our regular MD in the morning. Part of why I am still up. I just keep getting more and more thrown at me and I can't handle it anymore. I just want to get in my car and run away & never come back. Go to Hawaii (where I used to live) and go live on the beach. That might be fun for a while. Anyway gotta go make suer hubby's breathing, been doing that a lot this weekend. Thanks again for all your support (this seems to be the only place I get that) and prayers maybe yours will reach since mine do not seem to. Thanks Rhonda

Rachel, when I first saw your post I knew just what to say. Now after reading all the other posts I'm not sure anymore. You may recognize me from other posts but I am a recently disabled RN that worked with spinal cord injury patients as well as stroke, ortho, cardiac and respiratory patients in a rehab setting. Don't misunderstand though our floor got patients that had been off the ventilator for only 6 hours when they were transferred, so we got them when they were still very sick. Anyway to the rudeness issue. As the charge nurse on my 12 hour shifts when there was a problem between a patient and one of the nurses I ended up taking the patient. Most of the time the "killing them with kindness" routine worked with the alert & oriented patients. When it didn't I was honest with them and told them I was not there to take their abuse. You'd be surprised but I've had more than a few tell me "your here to do whatever I say I'm paying you." To that I respond "no (sir/maam) I'm not here to be a slave or housekeeper, I am here to help you get better and help you lean how to take care of yourself." That usually shut them up for a while. They usually ended up apologizing for their behavior and we ended up talking about their problems during their stay. There was no other behavior problems after that. Please remember as others have posted--don't take it personally especially when it is a confused patient. (Which I'm sure you don't) Even when the patient is alert & oriented don't take it personally, many (not all) are this way because they are sick. I was going to comment on this subject from the family point of view but the ER experience still make me so mad. I did not get inappropriate with the staff though, I behaved, even though they refused to consider stroke protocol for my hubby. But another time for that. Please don't leave nursing we can use all the good ones we can get and you definitely sound like one. BEST OF LUCK RHONDA

I'm almost sorry I looked at this thread because this is a VERY hot topic for me right now. While I was working my ins. was paid by employer, but adding my family was approx. $500.00/month. But, the coverage was great, $20.00 for MD visits, $30.00 for specialist, $10.00(generic)/$15.00(brand) for meds locally, with a 90 day by mail system @ $20.00(generic)/$40.00(Brand) for a 90 day supply. I honestly believe EVERYONE should have insurance. What made me one of the great uninsured was a MVA on the way home from work one am. I have been out since Jan 3, 2005. I have been struggling to pay premiums (even took out a loan) until now. Four days ago I was informed I was no longer on leave from work I had been terminated and therefore had no coverage. I was going to be offered COBRA coverage but when I got the papers Friday I found out I will need to pay almost $1,000.00/month to keep coverage on myself and my husband. Insurance for us is not really optional since our meds, together, cost almost $3,000.00/month if we don't have coverage. The meds cost so much because of my hubby being a bad diabetic on insulin with H/O 2MI's and chronic CHF as well as chronic pain mgmt. meds D/T his disability. As for my meds I'm on multiple antidepressants (because of being unable to work anymore) as well as cardiac meds and many chronic pain meds also. Since my Husband is disabled and fighting for social security and I am now unable to return to the career I love so much (Ever per the MD's) because of my injuries from the MVA, income is severely limited. Since my hubby has no income and my long term disability was 100% paid by my employer and I am no longer employed I don't even know if I will be getting the approx. $1,800.00/month check anymore, all I can do is wait and see if a check shows up in about 10 days. Sorry my answer is so long but I couldn't fully answer the questions any shorter. I am honestly at my wits end! I am beginning to think total nationalized health coverage may really be the way to go. I logically know that it won't work but at this point I just really need coverage and don't know where to find coverage that is affordable and has no preexisting clause. If anyone knows of a company like that please let me know so I can at least check into it and see if I can afford it Thanks for letting me vent. Rhonda

Shanaz, I can give you some information but first I need to know what type of "online continuing education" you are looking for. I have a feeling you are looking for actual classes such as refresher or ACLS etc...I can give you a site for CEU's but not for an online refresher course. If you are looking for CEU units just go to http://www.ADVANCEforNurses.com they have a plan where you can get unlimited CEU units for less than $30.00. It's been a few month since I've been there so the price may have gone up a few dollars but I doubt it. I hope this is what you needed. Rhonda

Stephera, What ever came of that blister by your great toe? Did you see the MD? Were there any problems? Please let us know what happened. My husband is a diabetic on insulin (novolog TID & lantus 55 units QHS). Although I care for his feet from cleaning (due to spinal injury) to nail clipping & dealing with ingrown nails he has never had a problem with his feet. I realize he has been lucky but he is noncompliant and getting him to see a MD for his feet would never happen. That's probably why 2yrs ago (at 39yrs old) he had "at least 2MI's" (Per MD) and severe CHF, which is now chronic. He still won't listen. Anyway Please let us know what happened to you. I really am concerned. Rhonda

The posters above have pretty much got the answer covered. Try to relax for now. You will learn more as you go on in classes and clinicals. Your instructors may even run a "staged" code blue with a resuscitation Annie, maybe even more than one, especially if you ask them to. That will give you more 'hands on' to help calm you. Don't get me wrong, when it happens you will probably be a bundle of nerves either during or after. But, your training WILL kick in and you will manage. I can tell you some interesting stories of "codes" I've been involved with but I didn't here because some can make you more nervous. If you or any one is interested in hearing them let me know. Best of luck in classes. You are going to be a great nurse! How do I know? Because I have found that the ones that worry about making sure they know for sure how to do things are some of the best nurses I've met. :) Thanks for taking time to read this. Let me know if I can be of any further assistance. Rhonda

I just checked back and I had another thought to add. I will make this one shorter than my last. :rotfl: I do tend to babble, even in person. SORRY! Regarding feeling bad/guilty for your coworkers having to work short-staffed, don't feel guilty. I have done my share and then some when it comes to working when called in on my days off. Mostly because I know what it is like to work short-staffed and don't want my friends/coworkers to have to do it. But, this got quite old when I was working and those with the day off just "had plans" and couldn't come in. Then I get to work short-staffed even though I try to cover them. I just stopped coming in after a while. Regarding Floating PRN staff. If a PRN is on the schedule as one of their days to work then they are in the rotation to float like the rest of us. But, if they are called and come in to cover, and then we are told someone has to float then the PRN gets to stay on her/his regular unit and someone else on the rotation schedule goes. The PRN staff learned to ask first if someone had to float when they came in, if yes they didn't come in. they didn't want anyone upset because they had to float just because a PRN came in. See not as long :rotfl: Rhonda

AWESOME POSTS EVERYONE!!! I've done so many of the prior posts I didn't think I'd have any to add. however, I have thought of some more. **You watch shows such as ER and CSI and point out to your family the things that are procedurally wrong or medically impossible. **You go to your personal Doctor and when he enters he asks "what scripts do you need written this visit. **When your son has an injury at work and tells his boss " no I don't need to go to the ER, my mom is a nurse--she can fix it just as good". **When your family actually understands many of the medical abbreviations you inadvertantly use in notes you write to them. **you go to have a stress test & tell the nurse which vein to use. She doesn't listen the 1st time & misses. Your husband that is with you reminds her & tells her your a nurse. She still doesn't listen & missed the 2nd time then gets another nurse. The second nurse listens and gets it the first try. Your husband then comments "If she would have listened you would have had only one stick". **Its 2:45pm, your in the store, someone asks the time and you automatically say its 1445. Then when you see the quizzical look you have to think to give the person the civilian time. --------------Last but by no means least-------------------------------- **You bring you hyper dog in to see the vet for a torn nail and after she examines the dog you tell the vet "He needs a script for Xanax" and she writes it for you. Hope you all get some laughs. By the way ALL the above has actually happened to me. :balloons: :rotfl:

JoBug, how are you doing since you saw the new MD? I was planning on replying to your first post but due to what sounds like very similar circumstances I cannot stay at my desk and computer very long. Honestly I have a stickie on the screen for me to reply to your post. At most of my jobs I became known as the "stickie queen" because of the amount of post-it's I used all the time. :rotfl: PLEASE update up on your progress. If you are unable to reply at this time I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a quick recovery.

With your schedule you could be writing about me. I too worked 3 12hr shifts (Fri., Sat., and Sun.) Since I only worked weekends I was always being called also (for 7a-3p / 7a-7p / 3-11p / 11p-7a / 7p-7a) what ever shift(s) they needed filled. Usually it was a daily call. I was even called to come in while on FMLA for cervical disc fusion. (I don't know why but they called three times in the last month I was on leave) So I most definately feel for you, I know it is frustrating to have all those very early & late calls. However, I agree with Destinystar. They are only doing their job. They need to try and staff the unit. I DO NOT agree with the units that let the PRN staff choose their schedules first then schedule their FT & PT staff around the PRN's. Being PRN is to help fill-in where needed. They ususlly get paid more and when allowed to choose their hours they get the best of both worlds. If your unit has plenty of PRN's they should get the PRN's to do the job they were hired for & at the very least call & wake them up 1st to ask about working. As for those "just doing their jobs" I'm sorry since I was one of them. Being the 7p-7a Weekend charge nurse if there were call-in's I was the one to start calling everyone to get a replacement. The way I did it was IF the nurses on the other shifts asked me not to call them for the OT I didn't call them. That was only right. If those nurses decided they wanted to work some OT they would give me a list of days & times they could work then I would call on those days only. It seemed to work for me, no more angry nurses when I was only doing my job. If the calling is not left up to your unit to do then you can try to speak to whoever does do the calling. However, if it's not left to your unit you may not get far. In that case I recomend either an answering machine (that's what I used), caller ID (but that would wake you and your family) or a service from the phone co. for screening calls, here it's called "privacy direct" (I think). What it does, when you put a number in to be blocked, is this: when someone from that number calls it tells the caller that you do not accept calls from that number, it then asks them to say their name and the service will try to reach you, then the service lets you know that they are calling and you choose if you want to answer. I believe you can just have the service not let you know of the call at night and go back to notifying you in the am. Really sorry about the length of this but I hope it gave you, and anyone else in this situation, some useful information Rhonda

Dearest Lisamc1, Please don't be too hard on your self. as others have said, it happens to us all. When I was in my preceptorship for RN I was doing good with IV's until the day my instructor wanted to watch. Well that day one of my patients was an elderly dehydrated lady. Her veins looked SPECTACULAR, so I figured I wouldn't have a problem even with the case of nerves I got every time the instructor was watching. Well the instructor chose the vein, like yours did, and sure enough I missed big time. The instructor chose another vein and had me try again, same thing vein blew this time as well. I felt like balling my eyes out. The only reason that didn't happen was the instructor then tried and she missed twice. A 40 yr veteran RN MSN :rotfl: The next one to try was the charge nurse, she was a 30yr veteran med/surg & ICU RN BSN. well she also missed twice. I felt so much better knowing that it does in fact happen to EVERYONE at some time or another. Keep your head up. There is nothing to be worried or upset about we all do it. Your most definately NOT a loser. you will get it. Try not to worry. Please don't hesitate to let me know if I can be of any help. Rhonda :) :balloons:

nytelytespn, What type of facility are you working in? Not that the type matters at all. They are sooooo totally far out of line. A HUC or Unit Secretary as we call them are leagally, in SC anyway, are not allowed to do ANY direct patient care. The only way that is possible is IF they have been crossed-trained as a CNA. The only duties a Unit Secretary is allowed to do, other than her clerk duties (and by no means am I putting unit secretaries down, they are most definatly life savers). back to duties regarding patients. Unit secretaries are allowed to bring H2O to patients, bring blankets, bring snacks to patients if nutritionaly checked by the nurses, and other such requests such as these that do not require direct patient care of nursing staff. If you were properly cross-trained to 'run' the glucose meter, then that duty would be OK. A unit secretary doing baths and drawing blood is a definate no no!! Drawing blo9od form a line (central venous, picc, art,) are nursing duties. At my hospital the lab staff (trained in blood collection) are not even allowed to even TOUCH the lines let alone draw from them. and I will go one step further and say that is an RN only duty. Please LPN's don't get mad I love LPN's and have learned a lot from some. Ionly mean to say that according to my hospitals reading of the Nurse Practice Act this duty is for RN's only. If I were you I would not draw any blood from any lines and only do finger sticks AFTER they have trained you for this duty. As for "bathing ect.." from your original post I would also not do this UNTIL properly cross-trained. Although you have been in health care for many years and I am sure you know a lot, legally you are not qualified unless you have been cross-trained. You can print this and show it to your "clinical leader" and or director of nursing if you want to. Sorry if some of this has been on other peoples posts I have to admit I did not read all of the replys, your post just incensed me that a facility would want you to do such things. PM or E-mail me if you have any questions. Hope this helps you. Rhonda RN

Dear Redd3, I am an RN in SC Graduated in 1998. In my opinion you should go straight to the RN program. Let me tell you what happened to me. When I applied at school, I put my name on 3 lists. Yes 3. I know I wanted to eventually be a Nurse Practicioner so my plan was to take RN than get my BSN then NP. Well the RN list was so long (approx 18 mos) I put my name on the RN, LPN, and Surg Tech lists. Then I proceded to take my prereqs. One day I got a call from the RN director asking if I wanted to start in the fall. There were so many ahead of me on all the lists I figured I would at least be waiting another year. Well GOD was smiling on me because there were a LOT of people on the RN list that had changed majors, gone to other scools with shorter lists, or just weren't ready to start. Of course I took the spot, I was the 2nd to the last to be admitted to that years class. The funny part is the next day when I got home from school I had messages from both the LPN and Surg Tech classes offering me a position. It seems they had the same problem as the RN list. Two years I was graduating. I managed to take a few form semesters towards my BSN but couldn't finishsince I had the only income(my hubby is disabled). It is now seven years later and I will never get my NP due to becoming disabled recently myself but I sure made the right decision regarding the lists. If you school has no lists go for the RN, the LPN (if only a stepping stone) is a waste of your time and money. The other thing I would suggest is becoming a CNA while you wait. It is a TREMENDOUS help especially during clinicals. Sorry this is so long, I get carried away & babble sometimes. I hope this helped. Rhonda

There is no need for you to apologize. There was nothing insulting in your post. Thank you for responding. I was 3/4 of the way thru this reply and my server kicked me off. I don't know why since I have DSL. I am going to have to try and hurry before it does it again. Anyway here goes. I have been seeing 4 MD's thru all of this mess (since the MVA that is). One was a pain mgmt MD and he has tried the nerve blocks, steroid injections, many many non-narcotic meds, PT, and trying the Tens unit I already had at home. All attempts have had minimal if any benefits. He has since released me at max medical improvement. My family MD, Neurosurgeon, and my Pain mgmt/Rehab MD all agree that I should not have the surgery, that it will probably not improve my pain, and that I will not be able to return to work. I know that equals 4 and I said in an earlier post 2 but I forgot about the 2 I am no longer seeing regularly. I understand narcotics can cause depression but I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and OCD many years ago so I don't believe the meds are doing it. I also realize my uncontrolled pain issues are contributing to my depression. The cause of the majority of the pain is from a car accident in Nov 2004 and the pain is just now starting to come under some control. Another MAJOR contributor to my depression is financial problems. Since my husband has been disabled for about 10 yrs and social security has denied him (we are fighting that) I was the only one working. Now I am unable to support my family. My health insurance will be canceled in less than 2 weeks if I cannot send them $3,000.00 for my premiums and my current bank balance is $128.00 with nothing due to come in until the 30th, and thats only just over $1,700.00 and just barely covers monthly bills. To make matters worse if my insurance is canceled our medications will be over $2,000.00 monthly. That is mostly why (like I told my husband this am) "If I knew my life insurance was still in effect I would have been dead this am" at least my husband and son would have had the money. (I would have made it look like an accident so they could get it.) Anyway I better end this before I get kicked offline again and have to start over yet again. THANKS for your supporting response. Rhonda

Today 04:51 AM JessicaGmz I suffer from clinical depression, and it is at it's worst during the bitter winter days. I know how debilitating it can be, but you can get help. Therapy, counseling, proper diet and excersice and the right medication that works for you will help tremendously. Seek and get all the help you can get. You are not alone in this. You are still young and have many years of dedication and enjoyment of your career ahead of you. Please take care and best wishes to you. JessicaGmz, I take my meds like my psychiatrist says, I try to make myself eat, but it's hard since I don't feel hungry, and I take many vitamins. I cannot exercise due to the rod in my neck (from 3 herniated discs,two that were fused, and cervical stenosis that resulted in loss of feeling & function as well as pain & numbness in both arms---some of which is still there and will never go away), the herniated disc in my low back that is touching the spinal cord (that no one wants to operate on since they believe the injury is permanent & surgery will not help the symptoms) that causes me to be in constant pain no matter what I am doing. I may be relatively young (my son disagrees with that) but there is no more years of dedication or enjoyment for me in the nursing field. I have been told that I will never be able to return to work. Besides I don't think anyone would like to have a nurse taking 80mg of oxycontin in addition to roxicodone taking care of them. I truly hate to say it, and it makes me wish I were dead everytime I think about it, but there is no more nursing for me. I will never be able to return to the noble, wonderful, fulfilling profession of nursing. Please do not think I am being ungrateful for your response or that I am being rude. I do not mean to be. HONEST!! I am just so frustrated and upset that it probably sounded that way. SORRY!!!!!! Thanks to you and all who have responded and tried to help me. I am sincerely grateful. Thanks Rhonda

sweetie715--Congratulations for joining our wonderfull profession. NYNewGrad--CONGRATULATIONS !!!! on your graduation. First let me say that I am a VERY recently disabled/retired RN and went to a Wonderfull School. I remember being a little nervous about a lot of different things including IV's during my junior year (even though I was certified as a CNA & EMT beore I started nursing). As you go through classes you will probably be exposed to Pharmacology classes as well as 'clinical check-offs' (that's what we called them). It's where the instructor watches, in a lab at school, while you start & hang an IV. IV therapy IS a Very good resource, even AFTER you graduate. BUT, let me impart a little pearl of wisdom to both of you, as told to me by the head of the nursing department at my school. She said no matter how much classwork you have always remember, you will learn more in the first six months to a year on the job, than you did in school. I found this to be true. I felt like a fish out of water at my first job after school. (Which was as a Nursing Supervisor in a 3-unit Nursing Home) I learned a lot there from both LPN's and the few other RN's that were there. Just be sure to pay attention in cllinicals, be willing to learn from everyone, no matter what level degree you have (you may be suprised to see how much you can learn from others that have a lesser degree. ie ADN's, LPN's, & even CNA's). Also remember the only dumb question is the one you didn't ask so ask for help whenever you are unsure. I hope this helps you both.

Sorry I haven't been here lately. I'm not even sure where I've been lately either. Mattsmom81 I'm still fighting the '@#$%^*&' furballs. :roll Its still a never ending problem. My severe depression was lifting some a few months ago I just had no energy/motivation, so I was started on Provigil. Then my Effexor was decreased from 225mg to 150mg due to a side effect & I was put on Lexapro10mg. My pain battles have just continued, trying to find the right combinations. Currently I am on Effexor 150mg QD, Lexapro 30mg QD (FDA max is 20), Provigil 200mg BID, Oxycontin 80mg BID, Roxicodone 15mg TID, Soma 350mg QID. That's just the ones for Depression and Pain, I haven't listed my cholesterol, cardiac, and osteopenia meds. Sometimes I wonder if I just need to flush them all. Depression wise, I am definately worse with the lower Effexor. For the last few days I have been 'thinking' about all of the narcs on my table & what they would do. The pain is better controlled, I think, Ihave only been on the 80mg Oxy for a few days now. Ithink part of what is making the depression so bad this week is the insurance co. has sent me a notice saying I have to catch up with my premiums by the 20th or I'm cancelled. Well, I don't have the almost $3,000.00 they insisto on but meds alone in my house will be over two grand a month without the insurance. I have received nothing from the car accident insurance yet (they haven't even paid my medical). and I now have two MD's telling me my condition is permanent. My career as an RN is officially over . I found this out last week. Now I am officially '@#$%^*&' lost. I don't know where to go or what to do anymore. It's like there is no purpose for my life anymore. My son is getting married soon so he'll have his wife and won't need me. Anyone have any ideas on where to go? (ha ha) I don't like being 38 and a retired cripple.

I don't know where to start to update you all. I am still battling both mentally & physically. I still spend most of my time on the sofa watching tv (when I'm not in a doctors office that is). I am so unmotivated, I don't even want to be bothered to get up and eat let alone anything else.(I take it nobody has found that bottle of ambition yet. haha!) My psychotherapist is now out of the picture since my insurance will not cover it and the cost is over $100.00 per 45 minute visit. The insurance will still cover the psychiatrist though so I'll still see her. Thank GOD my son is relatively healthy right now because I had to drop him from my insurance coverage in order to be able to aford to continue it for my husband and myself. My son has is going to try to get insurance where he works since he was promoted to assistant manager two weeks ago (I am so proud of him he is only 19 and has only been working there 1 1/2 years). I had to hide the letter that told me I no longer had a job since every time I saw it I just felt worse. The anti depressants are not making much of a difference now I believe the psychiatrist will have to add something else the next time I see her. I want to feel happy again. I am so tired of waiting! I just want my life back. I was talking to my husband the other day and was trying to explain to him what I was feeling. I just feel lost. Like I've lost my purpose in life. When I was younger I had my son to raise. When my husband got hurt I had my family to support and nursing school to finish. After school I had my patients to take care of as well as my family. Now I can't support my family and can't go to work. I've never been the type to enjoy sitting around. I can't stand it, but I have no choice now. I have always been active and can't do anything now. I just don't know what my purpose is. What I am supposed to do. I just remembered you all are probably wondering about the labs I had done (maybe your not but here goes). I don't have rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. YAAA!! BUT, I am being sent to a rheumatologist now since I have what seems like an autoimmune/rheumatoid process going on according to my labs. My platelets and sed rate were both a little elevated and my CRP was "way up there". I guess I now have to wait (and worry as usual) and see what this MD says. Just one more monkey wrench for the toolbox right? I'll let you know on that one. Does anyone want a good laugh? My family thinks it's funny anyway. As I have said I have OCD. Well a new obsession has popped up. I have 3-long haired dogs and 1-long haired & 1-short haired cat in the house. To the funny part--my new obsession is 'fur-balls'. I have to vacuum the carpets daily and will pick up 'fur-balls' when I am now vacuuming. I just 'have to' get them up. All the time I am picking up even the smallest 'fur-ball' I am telling my dogs and cats to stop it and telling them I am going to shave them all. Anyway they think it is funny that I am spending so much time dealing with the 'fur-balls' even tiny ones. I don't know why but I can't stop with the 'fur-balls'. I don't know what else to tell you all. Thanks to all of you I am still hanging in there. An extra thanks to all that informed 'dixielee' she was wrong in her statements to me. As a nurse and mother I do not believe coddling is what most human beings need on a 'regular' basis but, as the first respondent to my post, when I was seriously suicidal and trying to reach out for help I needed compassion and understanding not a slap in the face and a scolding which is what I felt I received. After reading her post I was ready to never return to this site and to get in the car and drive into a tree to just end it all since I couldn't just deal with it. I am very glad I did not give in to those thoughts and did return to this site. I have received so much support here I feel lucky to have found you all. I am extreemly thankful to all of you that have taken the time to share a part of yourself and try to help me. I wlll not let you all down, I will not give up. Although I occasionally still think about the car meeting the trees I promise I will not do that, For myself, for my family, and for all of you that have been so kind. Thank you Rhonda PS--to Ginger sue I do both the ceramics and the jewelery making here at home and am starting to think about putting some of my jewelery on E-bay. I'll let you know if I ever get that done. THANKS AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU FOR ALL OF YOU HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for taking time to care. Any Ideas who to see about the disability? Is this state of federal? thanks again. Rhonda

I have now affically lost my job. As of April 6th, I am no longer the Charge Nurse on one on the best (in my opinion anyway)spinal injury and general rehab units around here. The MRI I had done showed bad Bursitis in my left hip, and mild in my right hip, it also showed torn tendons, ligaments and muscles in the left hip, in addition to the disk in my back. My doctor said it was from the trauma of the car wreck. My recovery is now officeally at "months to years" (quoting the doctor). I am weight bearing as tolerated and use crutches whenever I need to be on my feet for extended times like if I need to go shopping. Today I am having a bad day (psych wise) and feel like I am going crazy, like I am lost again and don't know which direction to go in. Sme days (few) are better than others and today seems to be one of the worst lately. Almost 2 weeks ago one of my MD's had me get some labs drawn. Being a nurse I knew what the tests were for when I looked at the slips but didn't think any more about it. That is until the tech from his office called and said I needed to schedule an appointment to discuss the results with the MD. Well, that NEVER happens, unless something is abnormal on the results. Most of my doctors will just give me the infromation on the phone. The tech said she was told 'nothing is horrific and for me not to worry', and that they would call me. Well I am still waiting for that call. My family tells me to try to calm down and just wait, but I am finding that really hard to do. The ordered blood work was for Rheumatic diseases including Arthritis and tests for Lupus. Neither of these do I need right now (or ever for that amatter). I really do not need any more problems right now. My son has had another car wreck, in my new car, with him listed as at fault. He is alright but my car insurance will be going up because of this, and my health insurance premiums are now totally my responsibility (>$400.00 every two weeks). I do not know where the money will come from to cover that and cannot afford necessary medications for myself and my husband without insurance. Just more BS I will have to find a way to deal with. As I said, I do have some better days, although I don't ever feel happy. Like when my son was born, when I married my husband, when I got my Nursing Degree, or like when I got my first job as an RN. I just want to feel happy like that again. I mentioned this to my psychiatrist and she told me that this takes time but if it continues we might have to think about adding yet another med to my very large list, even if just for a short time. My daily life consists of getting up and taking pain pills, after a while I get up and try to clean the house(since my OCD will not let me 'just leave it') I feel I have to get 'something' done, although even that doesn't seem to get too far. Soon the pain gets too much and I have to go sit/lie down, take more pain pills and watch TV for a while. Then I try to work on some of the mountain of paperwork that has built up in the past few months, but sitting up correctl,y to be able to do the paperwork, makes me hurt so I take more pills. Pretty soon all I am doing is watching TV and munching on jelly beans and hersheys kisses. (I bet I have put on about 30 pounds since January when I became out of work--not too good for an anorexic- I'm going to have to start dieting soon). I do like to paint ceramics and I collect Genuiine Gemstones and make them into jewelery, and have even sold many pieces. I just don't seem to have the desire to work on those things right now. I really wish I did since now is a good time to get some things done. I just have no ambition anymore. If anyone has a spare bottle of ambition I could buy please let me know, I'd pay almost anything (ha ha ha!!) I really wish such a thing existed. I guess I better go now, I have been rambling enough. I'm sure you have better things to do than listen/read about all my continued problems in such detail. Besides sitting at this desk is getting painful and I will need to go take more pain meds soon. I am scheduled to see the MD regarding the lab tests on Thursday afternoon(4/14/05) and will try to let you know, in a SHORT note what the results are. Thanks to you all for the support and encouragement. I will try to keep my updates shorter in the future so as to not bother anyone. THANKS AGAIN RHONDA

UPDATE. Hi everyone. I'm sorry it's been a while since I have logged on and sorry if some of you were worried. I have been struggling. I am doing some better now with the depression. I am currently on 225mg of effexor.(high dose huh-never seen anyone on that much). At least I am no lonlger wishing I was dead ALL the time (just rarely now). I am seeing a professional now as many of you wonderful people encouraged. THANK YOU!!!!My world has not gotten much better than the last time i logged on but I am dealing with it a little better now. I am still out of work. Indefinate is what my doctor listed as an estimate of return to work. They are now thinking this may take "months to years" to recover from. I'm waiting on MRI results that I had done of Friday. The doctors are finally investigating my hip. I've been telling them all along that when I put weight on my Left leg it really hurt. at least they are now checking it out. There may be a hairline fracture that was missed or something is what the doctors are thinking now in addition to the bad disk in my back. I had the nerve block done and had a reaction to the injection (just my luck) It didn't help with the pain in the end anyway. I just found out today that if I am not back to work by April 6th I will have lost my job anyway, so I guess I was right before when I expected to loose it. At least now I know right? I still do not know what I am going to do with my life anymore. I am constantly taking pain meds to be able to function at all. as soon as I get up and start doing things the pain just gets worse though. I am also on crutches now until the MRI is back, at least. can't do much on crutches. I better get going now. I am finally going to go out tomorrow and have my hair done(haven't done that since Now.) Even though I don't sleep well I had better at least try. I just wanted to let anyone that might be interested know that I was still around and fighting to get better. Thanks for all of your help and kind words. I'll try not to take so long in the future to update you. Thanks again Rhonda

I live in South Carolina. I just went to the site and checked on myself. nothing listed anywhere. I guess my state does not give out info. Either that or I just don't exixt either. :chuckle :chuckle