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Discussion

Please help...

Hello everyone. It's been awhile. From my first posts, I know you guys read that I have been very depressed since beginning my career as a new nurse on a MedSurg unit doing 3 12 hr shifts a week. That stress has remained after 1.5 years of working on the same unit. I talked with my director on Wednesday to turn in a 2 week notice, despite not having a back-up plan. She is a very compassionate and encouraging person, to say the least. Obviously, I am very lucky. We talked for quite some time and she recommended I talk with the director of our facility's endo lab, as there is a full-time position open. Hours are M-F around 7-3 but can vary, and one weekend a month on call. She called and recommended me. I was offered the job after a couple of meetings this week. I am so thankful for this offer. From what my director tells me, this is a job that doesn't come around often, and there are several others, just on my unit, who wanted it. But, I am anxious. I am scared of making a mistake. Scared of starting in a new area considering how I have felt the last year and a half. I love caring for patients. When I get to interact with them, it is truly the best part of my job. But 12 hour shifts wear me out and I hate going home to an empty house. Experience, I am sure, is what I am lacking as far as the new job in concerned. But, I also think it's more than that. My husband works M-F evenings, around 2-11. Now my hours are going to be completely opposite of his. We are newly married and have no children. Therefore, we both spend a lot of time at home alone. I miss him constantly. He has worked this job for almost 6 years (we have been dating for 8 - HS sweethearts). I hate spending every evening alone. I grew up in a house where my mother worked from home and dad had his own business. I had a brother and a sister with a lot of family nearby, so we had a busy house. Now, I feel like our friends and family don't come around often because they assume my husband is working. I work a lot of weekends, so I don't see him then, either. I am just lost. I have accepted the offer and feel this is something I need to try, but I guess I am looking for encouragement and advice as far as what to expect and how to cope. Thank you all in advance for leaving out judgments, and taking the time to reply to this.

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    • Featured Replies

    I can't help but wonder why you wouldn't pursue a 3-11 position so you and your husband would be working and off at similar times if you're having such a hard time with the amount of time you're apart. Your post seems to be as much about that as it is about dissatisfaction with your current job. In any event, good luck and best wishes for your new position.

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    • Author

    We live in more of a rural area. Only 2 hospitals here and no opportunity for 3-11. I have done many searches for that. Even for up to an hour long commute. Hasn't presented itself as an option, unfortunately. :( Thanks for your response

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    It's time for you to develop a social life that doesn't revolve around your husband.

    Try thinking of it like dating. You live your life during the week and enjoy your time to the fullest on your days together.

    It sounds like you are indulging in a lot of negative thinking.

    You should focus on the benefits of shorter hours and a more stable schedule. Of having energy at the end of the day.

    My husband and I work different schedules and it works out fine. We talk and text throughout the day. When it's our time together, we focus on each other for a while.

    Neither of us live in each other's pockets. He has work friends and I have school.

    Asking your husband to provide all of your social needs could cause a big strain in your marriage.

    Take a class or join a gym, or just pick an activity that you like so you can have fun.

    Go go spend time with your family if they are nearby.

    You don't have to be isolated just because you don't see your husband as often as you used to.

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    • Author

    I know you are absolutely right and I value your time and encouragement so much. I guess being "newly wed" may be a part of this. We both hope that with this job change I will find much more happiness and can find my outlet. Thank you so much for your time and advice.

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    OP, learn to take "yes" for an answer.

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    • Author

    I'm not sure I follow you...

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    OP - in a very limited job market you managed to land a job in acute care straight out of the gate, did well enough to have a second coveted position offered to you over the heads of several coworkers. Stop dithering and take the job.

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    • Experts

    I agree with Heron. Take the job. Look at it this way -- you can spend as much time as you like during the week with your family; you and your husband will both have plenty of time during the week to get everything else done that you need to, and you can spend all your weekend time together.

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    Heron, you are absolutely right. Thank you!

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    • Author

    Elkpark, thank you for your response. I really appreciate all of the support and reality checks. All are much needed, obviously! :o

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    I agree with a previous poster. Take the job. And use the extra time to create a new social life for yourself. It'll be different and maybe uncomfortable but you won't regret enriching yourself. I'd recommend something creative. But something physical (like a group sport) or something that helps others like volunteering with youth etc these are all things that get you out with other people widening your social net, and outside of your negative headspace. A class where you learn something creative is often soul enriching and you meet people.

    Good luck & have FUN :)

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    Cultivate some new hobbies- learn how to play an instrument, learn to crochet, paint, take art classes, go to swimming or water aerobics, ETC. The possibilities are endless. You could even do a few different things. Don't just depend on your husband for your enjoyment in life, make yourself an independent person who can enjoy the downtime as well as forming new friendships or spending time with those you haven't been around much, etc. Good luck with your new position, it sounds great, and you seem very fortunate to have snagged it. Be thankful!

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