Please help need advice

omeg · Nov 10, 2007

I feel exactly the same way and every time I go in to work I feel like I want to give up because it's too hard (and I only have 3 - 4 pts) and I'm not smart enough, organized enough, fast enough, and on and on. It's stressful learning the job and trying to live up to the expectations of others.

Anyway, my suggestion is to take it one shift at a time. You can always quit if it's too much, but don't let the negative thinking knock you down. Think about what you love about nursing. Maybe that'll inspire you to keep going. You said you were a good nursing student in school; to me, that means you can be a good nurse. Hang in there.

Scrubby · Nov 10, 2007

It's sad to hear that you dread going into work. Have you looked at all your options? Maybe you need to try something new, you never know it may just be what you need. At my hospital we have what we call 'pool nurses' who relieve in all the wards. Does your HCF have this type of option? Maybe if you went through the different areas you might find an area you like.

al7139, ASN, RN · Nov 10, 2007

OK,

I am going to be brutally honest here. You said that you thought nursing would be nice because of the money, flexibility in scheduling, and only working three days/week. If these are the only reasons you decided on nursing, it's no wonder you are unhappy. Nursing is SO much more than earning a fat paycheck, and having four of seven days off.

As a nurse you are responsible for the well being of your patients. You didn't even mention the desire to help, heal, and care for a patient.

I hate to sound like a total fanatic, but the nurses I work with (myself included), are doing this because of the need to make a difference in the lives and health of others. Yes, the pay is good. The hours are not always great. But I absolutely could not do anything else, even if the pay sucked. When I leave the hospital after my shift, I am not thinking about the money I earned, I am thinking about the patient who walked out of the hospital...the family who thanked me for caring for their dying loved one as if they were my own family...the patient whose life I saved because of my quick response to the situation. I am proud to be a nurse. People who comment to me about how much money I am making will never understand why I do what I do.

If you feel this way, then you are in the right career, you just need to find where you belong in it. If you don't feel this way, get out of nursing and find another career.

Again, sorry to be so brutally honest, but I truly believs nursing is a "calling" not just a job.

Amy

RN0707 · Nov 10, 2007

Oh my gosh I am feeling the same way!! I have been a nurse for 3 months in medsurg and I dred going to work the past few weeks! My chest feels heavy and I feel deflated all the time! I am usually a happy out going person and I feel like I am loosing myself UGH!

I wonder if its a thing everyone goes through after a few months ???

I went into nursing b/c I wanted to give back all the caring and kindness I was given many years ago. i never ever thought i would be a nurse but after spending so much time in the hospital and caring for my loved one 10 yrs later I just decided I was going back to school to be a nurse!

I LOVED clinicals but was more a b/c student I did very well in all clinicals but no grades were assigned for them only class work ugh!

well anyhow I got on the computer now to ask others how do they know where they belong??? I knew I did not want to do med surg but then i was told over and over to do 1 yr by many people and my last rotaion was at the hospital I work at now its a medsurg floor and they asked me to apply way before i took my nclex i was so flattered b/c I was they only one who was asked and I thought I would like it there. the nurse manger raved about how i treated my pts and family and what a great nurse i would be

and now I am doubting if I want to be a nurse at all! :scrying: I am told I spend too much time with my pts by other nurses and my preceptor! the pt load is huge and its so much more impersonal then I expected! its like get in and outof the rooms work your butt of 12 hours stay late to finish and leave feeling like you didnt get to be the nurse you really wanted to be!

when I graduated I was so excited and felt it was a privialge to help others I feel that caring for a life of another is a great responsibitly and I was deeply motivated to be the best nurse I could possibly be! now I am questiong if I even want to be a nurse! I want to move but I am afraid I might hate somewherelse!

my heart has always bee in peds or physh but after dealing with sundowners and getting spit at and called names I am quetioning phych!I want to work with depression anxiety panic etc but it is all mixed together!

PEDS is so close to my heart b/c I am a mother of a sick child! I have thought about NICU step down or Level 2 NICU. I am not ready for level 3 my son was there 3 months and I dont want to deal with that high of acuity using echmo etc.! there is a opening in the hospital where he was and it is in the top 3 of the nation it would be such an honor to say you are part of such a team ...but then I am afraid I may not feel well or get sick to my stomach being in the same place he almost died on more then 1 floor! But then I think maybe it would help me heal I wish I knew! I have thought about mother baby or L&D but thats a hard area to get into as a new grad!

maybe there is someone out there that can tell us how they follwed there heart and found where they belong I need to figure that out so badly right now b/c it is effecting my life so much!!!! I guess I dont want to make a change and feel the same way in 3 motnhs ya know. let me know if ya figure something out b/c I am in the same spot!

llg, PhD, RN · Nov 10, 2007

It's important that you analyze exactly WHY you are unhappy at the moment before you throw you whole career away. People get unhappy for lots of different reasons, and you need to do some deep soul-searching and be brutally honest with yourself so that you can understand what got you into this situation. Only then will will you be in a position to start thinking about a plan to move on with your life.

1. Why did you become a nurse in the first place? Did you really consider only the fact that you would have 4 days off per week (with a decent paycheck) when you chose your career? Did you really ignore the fact that you would have to spend the other 3 days per week at work actually doing the job?

I hope that is not the case, because if it is true, that was really foolish. You shoulc have realized that you would have to work those 3 days in order to earn those 4 days off.

2. If #1 was not the case. ... Then what was it about the actual WORK of nursing that appealed to you? You need to remember those reasons for choosing nursing and start thinking about your job in terms of those reasons. Focus on those things a couple of times per day to remind yourself that the difficult transition from student to staff nurse that you are experiencing now will ease as you become more comfortable in your job. Take a few minutes each day to remind yourself about the good work that you do, how you have helped people, etc. -- whatever it is that was your original motivation to become a nurse.

3. Are you simply hating the fact that you are expected to be an adult now and hold a full time job? Is this your first full time job in which you are expeceted to work as an adult? That's a hard adjustment for some young adults to make -- particularly for those who are used to being able to socialize whenever they want. Having to rest (sleep) on your days off is a surprise to some people ... and having to work some days when your family and friends are playing is a not fun ... and some young adults have never had to make those kinds of sacrifices before. Is that part of your problem?

4. Many new grads experience "reality shock" -- a well-documented phenomenon that happens when you realize that real life is not as perfect as your fantasies were. Is that part of your problem? If so, you can help yourself through that often temporary condition by being generous with yourself and with your colleagues. Pamper yourself with a few treats (that your paycheck can afford) and appreciate the money you are earning. Make a list of all the positive things about your job and read it at least once a day. Add to it whenever you think of something positive or something positive happens at work. In time, it usually eases as you learn to cope with the daily stresses and get more comfortable with your new responsibilities.

Good luck to you.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2007

4. Many new grads experience "reality shock" -- a well-documented phenomenon that happens when you realize that real life is not as perfect as your fantasies were. Is that part of your problem?

I think this is definitely part of my problem. I have been struggling and doing a LOT of soul searching lately. I don't think nursing school does a very good job of preparing us for the reality of nursing. I realized that my expectations did not match reality, and that was a source of a great deal of anguish for me. Once I realized this, I felt much more at peace with things. It's not that I care any less for the patients; I am committed to providing the best care that I can. But the understanding that I will never be able to do enough, and that I will always be putting out fires instead of providing the thorough kind of care that we are taught to provide in nursing school, takes a lot of pressure off.

I've noticed that most patients and their families can see how busy we are, and that they don't really expect their pillows to be fluffed at every turn, but rather, appreciate being treated with dignity and respect, and that if I do that, they will be far more forgiving of my inability to be as present at the bedside as I would like.

nursemike, ASN, RN · Nov 10, 2007

4. Many new grads experience "reality shock" -- a well-documented phenomenon that happens when you realize that real life is not as perfect as your fantasies were. Is that part of your problem? If so, you can help yourself through that often temporary condition by being generous with yourself and with your colleagues. Pamper yourself with a few treats (that your paycheck can afford) and appreciate the money you are earning. Make a list of all the positive things about your job and read it at least once a day. Add to it whenever you think of something positive or something positive happens at work. In time, it usually eases as you learn to cope with the daily stresses and get more comfortable with your new responsibilities.
Good luck to you.

I think this is, indeed, a fairly common experience--not so much "OMG, they expect me to work!" or "OMG, I have to be an adult!" For me, it was more like, "OMG, I ought to be getting the hang of this, by now!"

Putting out fires is a good way of describing. It seems hard to develop a rhythm when you're rushing from one minor emergency to another, and if you throw in the occassional not-so-minor emergency, it can make you wonder why anyone would come back for more.

I had one such night, and as I was leaving the next morning, I told the CN, who was also my main mentor, "If I come back tonight, I'll call myself a nurse." And I did, and I do. Not necessarily a good nurse, right away--but that comes after a time. Another mentor clued me in on another common stage, which seems to be about where I am, now, where you're just so happy and surprised to realize "I can do this!!!" that that seems like enough. Apparently, the next stage after that is, "I can do this, but it's kicking my butt." I can feel a little of that, at times, and I think it's a bit of a crisis, where you "decide" (not necessarily consciously) whether it's going to burn you out or make you more assertive. I think, or at least hope, that making that choice consciously is a step toward making the right choice. I'm finding myself more willing to delegate, more willing to tell patients and their families, "I'll take care of that as soon as I can, but it may be a little while." I do tend to take whatever I'm assigned and do the best I can with it, but if I thought an assignement was truly inappropriate, I'd speak up--but I'm enough in that "I can do this." phase that I expect to be given a tougher load than some of the less experienced nurses, although I also notice that assignments that look easier on paper can be pretty difficult, too.

It helped me a lot, talking to the next group of newbies after me and learning that some of them dreaded coming to work, or even, like me, had physical symptoms from it. It wasn't just me--it really is that hard--but it does get better.

nursemike, ASN, RN · Nov 10, 2007

OK,
I am going to be brutally honest here. You said that you thought nursing would be nice because of the money, flexibility in scheduling, and only working three days/week. If these are the only reasons you decided on nursing, it's no wonder you are unhappy. Nursing is SO much more than earning a fat paycheck, and having four of seven days off.
As a nurse you are responsible for the well being of your patients. You didn't even mention the desire to help, heal, and care for a patient.
I hate to sound like a total fanatic, but the nurses I work with (myself included), are doing this because of the need to make a difference in the lives and health of others. Yes, the pay is good. The hours are not always great. But I absolutely could not do anything else, even if the pay sucked. When I leave the hospital after my shift, I am not thinking about the money I earned, I am thinking about the patient who walked out of the hospital...the family who thanked me for caring for their dying loved one as if they were my own family...the patient whose life I saved because of my quick response to the situation. I am proud to be a nurse. People who comment to me about how much money I am making will never understand why I do what I do.
If you feel this way, then you are in the right career, you just need to find where you belong in it. If you don't feel this way, get out of nursing and find another career.
Again, sorry to be so brutally honest, but I truly believs nursing is a "calling" not just a job.
Amy

"Calling" or not, it ain't easy--and the paycheck isn't all that fat.

lorabel · Nov 19, 2007

Coming to this site and reading the posts is really helping me. I feel the same way! I graduated in May 2007. I started work right after Labor Day. I had one week orientation and 6 weeks orientation with a preceptor. I've been on my own for about 3 weeks now. I think what i'm feeling is reality shock. i think it is worse for me because of the nasty resource nurse I work with. i posted about her and my dilema on another thread i think. i'm new to this site so I'm not sure of my way around yet. I love my job and my patients. I dread coming to work because i dont know who is the charge nurse or what we call PNCs or something.........they dont take a patient assignment, they do paperwork. they make sure we have the care plans on the charts that should be there...they look at the Braden and Fall score sheets..yes we're paper charting! Since they dont have a patient assignment, they are the resource nurse. We're to go to them for help or questions..problem is this nurse gets irritated when I go to her with questions especially if she thinks i should already know....sometimes I ask the same questions because i'm not sure and I was told to ask as many times as it takes for me to get it.....This nurse seems to ride me all day. I feel like shes watching and waiting for me to screw up or the opportunity to ***** about something.......She is always saying did you do this? you need to do that.......if I tell her i already did, she gets nasty and huffs....I feel like she wants me to fail and nothing would make her happier than to see me leave the Unit. so di I let her win or do I saty and tough it out and be miserable for a wehile longer? I'm thinking abotu talking to the nurse recruiter and seeing if theres another floor position open.....but dont want my director to know I'm thinking of leaving until i have somewhere to go......I got off to a rough start. My school was a community college and our clinicals were at a small county hospital........I never saw half the stuff I'm seeing on my job in school........I'm in oncology. Our patients have CTubes, JP bulbs, bilidrains, many other things......they have a needleless IV system at work which I did not have in school. for me EVERYTHING was new!!!!!!!! that made it harder for me. Becoz of that I feel like my every move is being scrutinized and that they may not have as much confidence in me as some other new nurses that went through hospital based programs........the nasty nurse did tell me my program is part of my problem and the other part is that i'm unorganized........I was told organization would come with time. I have been shown many ways to do do the same thing......each nurse does it differently.....for example..taking the info from the kardex and putting it on our papers.......so many ways........was told I would have to find what works for me. I dont know what to do. I cry a couple times a week the whole way home from work. theyre making me feel like a failure. HELP!

al7139, ASN, RN · Nov 19, 2007

You are right nursemike,

You said "Calling or not, it ain't easy, and the paycheck isn't all that fat."

BUT, if you really want to be a nurse, you take the good with the bad.

I have had nights when I really wanted to run screaming out of the hospital. Nights where I have gone home and cried. Times when I absolutely swore I was going to quit my job and go back to bartending for a living.

I have also had night when I know I am where I belong. I have given the best I have to give to the pt and family. I would absolutely not do anything else but nursing. Funny enough, times I have thought this way have been some of my most difficult and rewarding shifts. So go figure.

I still say if you are in it for the money, and think nursing is glamorous, rather than the tough, dirty, disgusting, frustrating job it really is, then you need to find another career.

Amy

RN0707 · Nov 19, 2007

just remember you are not alone its sounds like a few of us have the same thing going on! I am paper charting too wouldn't have a clue how to do it on the compute.r i started looking for jobs and have the same problem dont want my floor manager to know until i have somewhere to go. alhough after being on my own the past 2 weeks things have gotten a little better at least I can do it my way and no one will be up my butt every min! I am trying to make the best of it because I have not yet heard from the other jobs and I was told I cant move within the system unitl i have been there a year and its a big system several hospitals I could work at down town and commmunity hospitals. I think that is bull like they have control over my life now! UGH!! I just figure maybe this isnt the time yet and God is saying stay and learn. I am praying my dream job or at least one i really enjoy will come soon!