Not a student, but supporting one who is

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Jan 1, 2015

If you really care about this person, even if you see no longterm future in the relationship, don't choose the next six months to be difficult, break it off, or break his/her heart. He/she will need support* and NOT need drama/grief to interfere with completing the program and passing NCLEX (the state licensure examination that results in the "RN").

After that, well, if a real breakup is in the cards, at least s/he will have a license and something else to do besides worry about what to do about you.

* In this context, support is most often characterized by an attitude that makes no demands on his/her time, no kvetching that s/he is always too busy studying to take care of your needs, small gestures that you know will lighten his/her day-- a flower, a pan of brownies (if dieting and worry about weight is NOT an issue), clean the bathroom and kitchen without being asked, fold the laundry, a spa day, a foot rub, a quiet shoulder to lean on without asking any questions. It's only six months. If you do this right, your turn may come. Payback doesn't have to be a ***** -- it can be a blessing. We all have our hard times.

Lev, MSN, RN, NP · Jan 1, 2015

So this is your ex, but you're still friends and looking to support him/her?

You can never understand it until you've gone through it. But know, that your friend/whatever he/she is will not have much time for you. Even if you want to "help" it may not be what he/she needs so don't be offended if you're brushed off. It's a very stressful life, being a nursing student, and people can "dissociate" and not act like themselves because they are so tied up in school. The best thing you can do is to ask your ex what he/she needs from you and to get their perspective on how close you guys should be during this time.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2015

Be supportive...no drama, no fights. They will be under enormous stress. If they are living with you....do the house chores. Cook Dinner. If you have children watch them and take them out do they may have quiet time to study.

Life and relationshps are complicated. Even offer a hug or compassionately listen ((HUGS))

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Jan 2, 2015

I went through a break-up at the end of last semester. It was extremely difficult for me because I did not see it coming. He did it right as I was finishing up the semester had a bunch of stuff due and finals. I'm not a person though who wallows and worries forever. To me it was his loss and he screwed up, but it was painful and hurtful for a few days and I was distracted in class.

I think seeing as how this is your ex, and from what I am gathering maybe not your ex anymore, just decide what you want so she can move on. There is nothing more frustrating than a guy who can't make up his mind. One minute he wants you, the next he doesn't. She has school to focus on, and not some guy who is causing an issue. So either, be there for her throughout these next 6 months, or leave now so she can focus and move on. When my relationship ended, I kind of treated it like a death. Because it kind of was. I grieved for a few days, got drunk one night, woke up the next day and decided to move on. And I did. Because if I had let him screw up my nursing school, he would of won, and there was no way I was letting that happen.

Stitch3296 · Jan 3, 2015

It's nice of you to want to support your ex. My only advice would be to be there to listen, and be there when they need you if you can and don't be disappointed when their time is consumed by school. They can't help it, even if they'd rather be doing something else, they have to study to pass and do well on their boards.

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B · Jan 4, 2015

Ah I went through my last 6 months with my ex. Made for a very interesting semester. No drama is the best thing. Be there and supportive if thats how your relationship is now.

Unsure&hopeful · Jan 5, 2015

Ah I went through my last 6 months with my ex. Made for a very interesting semester. No drama is the best thing. Be there and supportive if thats how your relationship is now.

Interesting good or bad if you don't mind me asking? Like we've had our drama in the past, I just don't want him to think that it's going to be like that further on.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Jan 5, 2015

Good grief. Nursing school is not Guantanamo. Some people sail right through it without any bumps in the road & others ..... not so much. But I would urge some caution for OP. Don't let "nursing school stress" be a blanket excuse for bad behavior. Set up some clear expectations & boundaries for both of you. After all, he's your ex for a reason, right?

iamnotanurse · Jan 7, 2015

my relationship failed in nursing school. i devoted so much time and effort that direction, i forgot about my relationship. all i have to say is good luck. hope it works out.

Jenngirl34RN · Jan 7, 2015

Speaking as someone who is in the last few months myself, the best things you can do are to not be too demanding and to help out with chores or errands from time to time if you can. Don't get upset if s/he can't go do something with you or can't pay a lot of attention to you because they need to study. If they are seeming stressed, ask what you can do for them- laundry, cooking dinner, running to the store. For me, it is mostly just the few days before a test and on clinical days that I need some extra help and don't have much time to spend on other things, and my husband, my kids, and my mom have all been fantastic support for me.