Monday May 6th 2024

Good morning!

Happy Nurse's Week!

Stars, one day you will be alone. It certainly has to be aggravating and tiring what you're going through.

Funny, all three of us siblings are loners.  My sister was always the more outgoing and was married twice.  I'm kind of in the middle but alone now but have a tiny social circle.  My brother is the extreme and a hermit with no friends and no relationship, never been married.  Being alone while sounds all romantic and desirable isn't always.  

Being alone, I guess this house isn't going to clean up itself. LOL

I guess I want to be alone because I haven't been able to for sooooo long now. I know 'they' say "Be careful what you wish for", but I would like time to pull things together here in this house, and time to wander in my brain (creatively). Like I've said before, I never wanted to be a "housewife" and that is essentially what I am; I never wanted to have children, either, and I have a 94 year old 'child' to take care of all the time. I can't MAKE myself ignore her and just go about my business, because I do see part of my role with her as being a "companion", and leaving her to drift in her very compromised mind is kind of cruel, I think. She can't help how she is, but I can't just write her off for being that way; I just would like to be able to be a companion to myself, too! 

These times will change, EVENTUALLY.

I was awakened at 9:30 AM by a call from a neighbor asking how I am and to let them know if I need anything. This particular neighbor has been through his own woes, with knee and back surgeries that have slowed him WAY down, and he is not used to being hindered that way. (Who would be?) 

Looking back (hindsight) I can see how hubby was deep into his hepatic encephalopathy diagnosis LONG before I realized that was what was going on and that that was what was making him 'worse'. It really is a shame he didn't get to (or try to) treat his alcoholism; but he just 'gave up' on that. Anyway, life goes on for the rest of us. Mother Jones once said, "Pray for the dead; fight like hell for the living." 

All things considered I am actually in a good spot, for the most part, even though my life is squeezed within this narrow frame of caregiving, and it drives me nuts! Could be much worse! I could be living in an appliance box under a highway overpass. And at least my SiL and BiL do help out when they can. 

As one friend used to say, "Life is a funny place to live sometimes." I sure wouldn't mind a good bit of humor injected into my life. I like to laugh, but haven't done much of that these past years. Once upon a time I was afraid I'd completely lost my humor, but I DID get it back after that, so I am looking forward to some more of that, as time passes.

It's going to be warm and rainy, off and on, over the next week. However the weather doesn't really affect me very much these days, except sometimes it brings out the gypsies. They haven't been as terrible as they have been in the past, but they still wander around and catch me unawares. That's part of growing older. I am still maintaining my weight loss, which I attribute to going up and down stairs ALL THE TIME, and not being particularly interested in food or set mealtimes. 

Time to get up and get dressed so I can go downstairs and do the same for Nannie.

I appreciate youse guys a lot, y'know! Blessings on us all as we go through all the things we individually have to go through.

Hi. Usual unsettled Spring weather here. I did get a quick bike ride in yesterday. I cut it short due to to wind and threat of rain. Today was dry but cool. I got out in the yard a wee bit, washed the bedding and made the bed, did some kitchen cleanup and chased the vacuum around.  I think I've found a counselor I can work with, will start sessions next week. I've been carefully eating for 1 week, counting calories, walking extra and have lost 0.2 lbs. I think dh can hiccup and drop 5 lb. Hurummph. Oh well, I didn't gain it all in a week, it will take longer than a week to get off. 

Stars, I hope you can get a break soon. It's almost as if you are a prisoner . I hope that day care spot opens up for Nannie soon. Your sweet SiL sounds like she struggling to meet all her commitments. 

Dianah, good to read that your cold is abating. When your body says rest, DO IT!