How do you deal with death?

[succinate]

It's hard to articulate my feelings about death. In my family, I've dealt with a death of only one family member seven years ago, and to be frank, when he passed away, I got over it within two weeks. However, as I am getting older (I'm only 19) and starting to understand the meaning of life from my perspective, I realize that I get very emotional when a stranger passes away. Whenever I hear that a stranger has passed away, I always ask questions, "why? Why do good people die? Why do we even die?" I may sound dramatic or too philosophical. This is the reason why I lost my religious beliefs - I used to be very religious - when someone whom I know has died this summer.

Upon hearing a stranger's death, that person is forever etched in my mind. I'm not even kidding about it. When I go to sleep, I always, always think about these people who have died. I know I'm way too emotional over these deaths and that's not a good thing, especially when I'm a nursing student. I know that as a nurse, I cannot bawl my eyes out when one of my patient dies.

So, my question is, how do you accept death of your patients?

[lovethecrazylife]

For me as most of the deaths I deal with at work is at my LTC job, it is usually a relief as the families and I have seen the person go downhill and change. Many times, because of dementia, the person isn't anything like they used to be and aren't recognizable to many.

Death is a very hard event to work with and learn to cope with but you must find your own way as even in everyday life you will be exposed more and more

[liberated847]

I deal with loved ones deaths by mourning. By celebrating their lives. By thinking back on why I loved them and what they taught me. By talking about them. By thinking about how they influenced my life and the lives of others around them. By trying to carry on what was best about them. By forgiving their shortcomings. By loving even their shortcomings, really, as a sign of how human they were. I don't need to think that they may be in heaven or maybe hell. I don't have to think that I'm going to meet them again someday. I loved them, the time we had together is meaningful enough that I don't have to imagine they are up there watching my every step. Thank goodness they aren't, to be honest.

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

Everyone dies. That's a fact of life. The circumstances surrounding some deaths are more tragic than others but you grieve and move on. With my patients (children), when they die there is usually a lot of relief. They were suffering and they were never going to recover.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Death is what you make of it. Just like any thing else we must deal with.

"The game of life is hard to play, we're going to lose it anyway".

Death will always win. Don't let it control you.

ENJOY life!

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I wrote an article about death recently: https://allnurses.com/pre-nursing-student/death-happens-get-890903.html

One of our forum members from the distant past, dthfytr, once posted that death is the price we all pay for the privilege of living. These are some of the wisest words I've encountered regarding the issues surrounding death and dying.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

It's tough sometimes. Some patients affect you more than others. Sometimes death is a relief as the patient was suffering. Sometimes it's just so tragic and unfair. I've been to several funerals of patients, but have skipped many others. You'll find ways to cope.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

My spiritual self helps me deal with death, although some events require more grieving than others. I realize that death is part of life. Character has nothing to do with it.

[Swellz]

I work in oncology, so if/when patients die on the floor, it is usually after a long, hard fight. I am just relieved when they aren't suffering anymore. It gets to you, though, seeing people that you know will die of their illness regardless of what interventions you do. It is pretty routine for us to have a few patients we feel need to go home on hospice, but the family disagrees. I am fortunate that I have never been in a position to make that decision for a loved one. I know we get frustrated when we can't help an obviously dying patient, but if it were my mother or brother or child, who knows what I would do. That thought helps me support the families.

[Biffbradford]

It depends on what kind of job you have. I work in ICUs and quite frankly pure repetition has taught me how to deal with it. Not too long ago, a co-worker asked for help with a turn ... "Sure, no problem." and as I went behind the curtain I see the body bag and think "Oh, THAT kind of turn." It was just another task to be done. YOu know, a towel here or there, make sure the tags are filled out properly. Another time I came on my shift and the family was already gathered, the patient was a DNR and mottling, and I just had to watch and wait until the time came. Other times I've taken care of the patient a long time and those are harder to deal with. None of them are the same as loosing your mom or your dad, though, or even having a pet die in your arms.

[vintage_RN, BSN, RN]

I spent a lot of time when I was about 21-22 thinking about death, and coming to terms with my own mortality. It scared the crap outta me, I would literally get the shakes, sweating, elevated BP etc when I thought about my own dying. Then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was wasting my time living thinking about dying! I realized that I can't control it, so why worry about it? I'm too busy enjoying life right now to think about dying! I'll cross that bridge when I get there! I'm also a very spiritual person (Christian) and that helps me as well, but I'm not going to lie - of course I have my doubts sometimes! Im only human!

As for dealing with patients deaths, I think once I realized that it was just a fact of life then it made it easier. I've only had very elderly patients pass away though (palliative on medicine unit), so it seemed to be that they lived a long, full life. I haven't had to deal with much else yet (I'm a new nurse).

[Kittypower123, BSN, RN]

I've dealt with death personally and I'm surprised to hear you say that you "got over" the death in your family in two weeks. When someone you are close to dies, you don't ever "get over" it. You grieve, deal with it and move on, but it changes you. It stays with you for the rest of your life. Maybe the death you had to deal with was someone you really didn't know well, in which case I can understand the quick recovery. But if it was someone close to you, maybe you aren't really "over" it and patient deaths are bringing up emotions that have been hidden away.

Assuming that you don't have latent grief, seeing and dealing with patient deaths when you are in the prime of your life can be difficult. Get help if you need it, but know that it will get better. Death is a natural part of life - no one gets out alive. It's the circumstances that influence how tragic a death is. I work in hospice, we expect our patients to die and part of what hospice does is help prepare the patient and family. Working in a hospital where the goal is to save lives would definitely make dealing with death more difficult. It's something you will have to work out how to deal with. Everyone is different so your process will be unique to you.