Did I commit career suicide?

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

Hi to all my friends in recovery-

I don't usually discuss my current personal struggles with you all but I recently read an article on cracked.com by a drug addicted nurse. The title of the article is 5 Terrifying Things I Learned as a Drug Addicted Nurse.

This nurse has a blog called the addict mentality where the full article may be found: http://www.addictmentality.com/the-unedited-crackedcom-article.html

(Hopefully, my posting this link isn't a violation of the TOS. One of the moderators will edit this if it is).

I can't find it now but somewhere he says that diverting drugs is "career suicide." He is now pursuing a career as a drug counselor. By the way, the article is very thought provoking in many of his points, but it is this notion of "career suicide" that is of concern to me today.

I have not had a full time nursing job since 2010. Between then and now, I have searched off and on for nursing positions but ended up taking a low paying non-nursing call center jobs just to survive. I have been clean and sober since Dec 2004 and still struggle with shame about my past. At this point, I am trying not to give up on the nursing license that I worked so very hard to retain without current discipline. BTW, my diversion occurred in 2000 and I returned to nursing in 2006 with a probationary license. I finally cleared my license in 2012 after having great difficulty finding a job, which prolonged my probation.

What is triggering this post is that I just called an employer today with whom I previously interviewed and was told that I "wouldn't pass the background check" for the job because of my history of license discipline. It was for a Medicare Fraud Investigator.

Now just in typing this, I have calmed down and realize that just because one employer says my background is a deal breaker, all employers may not. But--in the darkest part of my mind, I wonder if I have been discarded by my profession.

I have tried psych, dialysis, and even going to vocational rehab because a nurse in another state was helped by them since addiction may be considered a disability. (I was turned down by them because they said I had worked as a nurse since my diversion so I did not have a qualifying disability) That was a painfully humiliating experience, as job hunting is.

I can't physically do floor nursing any more due to arthritis and being fat, but I love, and have experience in, psych.

I only have money for about 2 more months of bills before things could get really ugly for me. But- I am pretty sure I will be able to get some contract work doing flu clinics around where I live.

Well, at least I am facing this and not hiding or escaping because looking for work is so very hard.

If anyone has a specific idea of where I might apply for a remote records review position, since I have MDS experience, please let me know.

Thanks for reading.

Catmom :paw:

To the question in the title, the answer is - given the present oversupply of nurses and (from what I understand from your post) your scant work history over the past several years... Yes, you very well might have.

The two nurses I know who were involved in drug diversions have been unable to find nursing work.

I sincerely hope that you're able to find something. I do know that some SNFs in deep rural areas need nurses in utilization review... And have trouble hiring due to their remote location.

Patient education and advice nursing might be opportunities, too. You might also investigate medical billing and medical scribing.

[Earthmama]

Absolutely not. I'm sorry, I completely disagree and am always a little bit angry when grandiose blanket statements, generalizations and stereotypes are made about us. Because they feed right into any lingering shame, self-doubt and fears that we may be holding on to - and these feelings are very dangerous for us. If I buy into those feelings, I quickly find myself in a very dark, lonely and terrifying place.

Yes, diversion is very serious. Yes, we have made things very difficult for ourselves. And yes, we have a very long and often trying journey ahead of us. But NO, we have NOT committed career suicide. No, we will not be relegated to rural snf's for the rest of our working days. And no, we do not have to believe other's fatalistic opinions of us.

While there are some who can walk right in to a job after entering into a monitoring agreement, it usually takes more time. For me, it took three and a half years, countless applications, about twenty interviews, endless closed doors and the regular judgement of people who didn't understand my disease. What helped me most was just to concentrate on my side of the street. Diligently looking for jobs, filling out applications, accepting responsibility for what I did but not torturing myself because of it. Going into every situation with low expectations and high acceptance. When I focus on what I can do, it empowers me and takes the focus off of others (since I can't control them anyway).

I'm sorry for the novel, and I'll get off my soapbox now. The point of all of this is to say that we have much to offer this profession and all we need is one chance from one understanding and sympathetic person - and that person can be where we least expect it. Just keep plodding along, we addicts know all about devoting ourselves to a continuous work in progress - it's how we stay clean every day. You can do this - we all can do this.

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

Dear Earthmama-

I know I have told you that I love your wise and articulate posts before when you were responding to someone else, but your post today actually made me cry.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me to carry on. :hug:

Catmom :paw:

[Twoyearnurse]

I think I just fell in love with this site even more, if that's even possible. I love you all, and this was exactly what I needed today. Big hugs from Alaska!

[scottaprn]

As long as you are a living breathing human being there is ALWAYS hope. Suicide indicates finality.

You have a bad day you go to bed knowing that you will have a better day tomorrow because YOU have the power to make it so. You have a great day today you know that you will build on it because YOU have the power to make it so.

The only time there is career suicide is if you decide to end your own career. Until you decide you fight with every bit of strength that recovery has taught you.

You control your destiny. No one else.

You are going to see an.opening at some point and when you do drive a MAC truck through it. You will be in a new job and your new job will be so thankful to have you.

[exp626]

...What Earthmama said. But to give you hope, let me share this: I diverted. I was able to keep my job, thank goodness. Now I've completed a contract with IPN, and I'm working in a new and wonderful job. When I interviewed, without going into details I shared that I've completed a contract with IPN. I told her because I work in a small medical community and I didn't want her to find out from someone else. She was fine with it and I presume this earned me some level of respect. I didn't grovel and made my journey a selling point.

Since you haven't practiced for a bit, you may wish to take a nurse refresher course. But keep filling out those applications, something will come along!

Best of luck to you!!!

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

To the question in the title, the answer is - given the present oversupply of nurses and (from what I understand from your post) your scant work history over the past several years... Yes, you very well might have.

The two nurses I know who were involved in drug diversions have been unable to find nursing work.

I sincerely hope that you're able to find something. I do know that some SNFs in deep rural areas need nurses in utilization review... And have trouble hiring due to their remote location.

Patient education and advice nursing might be opportunities, too. You might also investigate medical billing and medical scribing.

This poster presented the unvarnished truth. Reality. Not with meanness, or judgement. Not to shame or humiliate the OP. This poster was kind enough to answer a question truthfully.

The best and worst thing about AN is that when you ask a question, you'll get an honest answer.

To the OP: I admire your strength, courage, and the honesty in your post.

You make no excuses. I also hope you're able to find a job in nursing.

[LisaB19]

Hi Catmom,

I've known of your struggles for a long time and appreciate them. While I did not look for work as long as you, it was a very painful process to keep getting denied because of what I had done. In fact I think it increased my shame and guilt.

Because of the situation with suspended licenses in 2 states and not wanting to have to go into probation here in CA, I have opted not to fight for my license. I too have decided to become a Drug counselor and let me tell you what a weight off it has been. I am not going to be entering a profession where my past isn't a hindrance it's a benefit.

I realize that for many, letting go of what they worked so hard for (I was halfway to my pHd), but sometimes it's the best choice.

Catmom there is a place for you, and you will find it someday. Maybe it isn't as a nurse though, and that's OK.

[Guttercat, ASN, RN]

I cannot relate to drug dependence, and certainly not diversion.

That said, if I were in the position of authority in the hiring process, I would look seriously at a (qualified) rehab'd applicant who spent years busting their butt in staying clean, pounding doors, and never giving up on themselves or the profession.

It's not the fall so much as how one responds to the fall that is a true measure of a person's doggedness and strength. Overcoming such a failure and battling back year after year, speaks volumes about a person's willingness to face hardship.

[JustBeachyNurse, LPN]

I might think your lack of recent practice might be the issue right now.

It could be a supply and demand issue. (More nurses than open positions) Consider a nurse refresher course if you think you might need to update your skills

Sure you may not be eligible for certain jobs like Medicare fraud investigator but neither is the new grad with no nursing experience or the nurse with a shoplifting charge in their background.

Will it be easy with a positive background check? No. Does that mean give up? I hope not. Like the PP said if you were clean, sober, IPN contract successfully completed and forthcoming I would give you serious consideration if I were a hiring manager.

Good luck.