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Discussion

D&C and returning to work.

I've posted about this on pregnancy boards, but I hope to get a more specific answer here.

I found out that my babies heart stopped beating last Monday. The week before was fine, so it was a very recent death around 12-13 weeks gestation.

I had a D&C yesterday (Thursday). My doctors going to write me an excuse through Monday. I just feel so overwhelmed right now. Has anyone else experienced this, and how long before you returned to work? Was it physical, mental/emotional, or a combination of both that bothered you the most?

One of my coworkers is pregnant just behind me. Two are still on maternity leave. And my closest coworker has a baby almost a year old. I had announced the pregnancy at work.

I am worried about going back and getting into the caregiver role, when I feel so sad myself. I normally love talking to my patients and really trying to help their hospital stay be a mor pleasant one. I am afraid my emotions are going to be too self centered to act the same at work. I have small random crying episodes, and I don't want this to happen at work.

Dont know entirely what to expect physically, since each woman is different. So cramping/bleeding are a small concern. At least I can take ibuprofen again.

This is long, and I am sorry for that. I just wanted to vent to people who feel are more my peers than baby groups, but aren't as close to me as my coworkers. I am trying extremely hard not to burden anyone with my troubles or act as a downer, I hate people feeling sorry for me. So I try really hard to project that I am okay. I blubber as soon as someone approaches me with a sympathy hug.

Little background on me- 26 years old, RN for 3.5 years, specialty is med surg. This was my first pregnancy.

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    • Guides

    Please accept my condolences for your loss. It's one of the worst things a person can ever go through, and you have my sympathies as a mother who has also lost a baby, many years ago.

    I'm not sure you are ready to go back to work just yet. Our society is too quick to put away grief, and we suffer long-term consequences as a result. If there's any way you can defer returning to work, you may want to consider it and then go for some grief counseling. The Compassionate Friends is a group devoted to pregnancy and child loss; they have organizations in many cities and towns across the country.

    Please allow yourself to mourn for as long as you need to. Be gentle with yourself; you can't be expected to be back to "normal" this soon. One never really gets over the loss of a child; you get through it, you get past it, but you never get over it. The pain will lessen in time, and life will go on. Hold onto that thought and breathe; eventually you'll be OK again.

    I'll be thinking about you. Take care. ((((HUGS))))

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    • Experts

    Sorry for your loss. I went back to work immediately. I found that work helped me emotionally by giving me something else to think about. In your case, if you feel it would help you more, then, ask for a few more days. It is about what you feel is best for you.​

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    I am so sorry. Take a little more time if possible.

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    • Author

    Thank you everyone!! I am planning on returning to work Wednesday, unless something changes. I'll have been off a total of 9 days (3 work days total missed). My supervisor just had a baby, she is aware of everything that has happened and if need be, I think she would allow me more time off. I truly work some wonderful and understanding people.

    Physicially, I can't believe how good I feel (except for a terribly sore throat from being intubated). It's just still very surreal that in a weeks time I went from being excited to find out gender soon, to not being pregnant anymore. Sometimes it feels like a dream. I liked the user who suggested counseling, I think I will look into that. Right now I know I am avoiding a lot of my negative emotions/feelings.

    I am so grateful for the blessings that I do have, I am really focusing on the positives. I have a lot to be thankful for, even with this. There are so many women with more tragic losses. But I also know there are going to be difficult days. Today I packed away mementos- sonogram pictures, my positive pregnancy tests, ect... I have to look at the box they are in just to remind myself that I in fact was pregnant.

    My self worth is closely linked to how productive I am. I've started feeling very lonely and useless. I am looking forward to work in a way, because it will give me a purpose and something to focus on.

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    Be kind to yourself.

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    So sorry for your loss! I had a similar loss at 13 weeks gestation. It was very hard to recover from. I had the d&c done on a Friday and went back to work 10 days later. At that time I didn't feel ready, but it was in fact good for me to help me move on. I later got counseling because I was still so sad months later. It helped but I don't feel like I was truly recovered until 4 years later when my healthy baby was born. It's hard to accept that you don't get to have that baby that you feel like you were promised. We get so excited, even if it was unplanned and then to suddenly accept that it's over is easier said than done. Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to seek help, you're not alone.

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    I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. ((hug)) There is some very good literature out there about dealing with the loss of a baby early in pregnancy, and it can be really helpful for some. Please feel free to message me if you would like any information or just have questions.

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    Hi! I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to reach out as I just recently went through a similar situation. I lost the pregnancy at about 15 and a half weeks. I took the day after I found out the heart had stopped off to grieve and then another day off the actual day of the procedure. I had another regularly scheduled day off prior to returning to work. Physically it was enough for me. I am now about a week and a half out from the d&e and am experiencing cramping and bleeding still which seems to be worse on days I work and am on my feet for 12 hours in the ED. Motrin is usually enough to handle any pain though. Emotionally for me, work seems to be a good distraction. Although I definitely have my moments...like yesterday when I had to take care of a patient with a due date two days before mine was supposed to be. I think it really is such a personal choice and there is no right answer as no one can tell you how to grieve this loss. If you have social support at work that would probably be helpful on days you just need someone to listen for a couple minutes. I am fairly new to my job and really didn't have any one I felt like I could confide in which made it a little more difficult.

    On a personal note, this happened to be my second miscarriage. I had one in the first trimester of my first pregnancy and went on to become pregnant with my now two year old daughter about 4 months after that d&c so try not to get too discouraged. I know it's it super hard but you will most likely go on to have a perfect baby in then near future. I wish you the best with everything as you heal physically and emotionally from this.

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    I'm sorry, I too lost a baby around the same gestation. I found work a good place for me to distance myself from the sadness. I was forced to be "on" for my patients and the concentration and busyness of work allowed me some space from my grief. I went home and was free to be sad with my husband. All of us do grief differently, try work, if you can't concentrate, take some more time off. Peace

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