Bathing a 7 y/o

Dear All,

I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him.

Talk to her about why she doesn't want to take a shower while she is with him, I am not trying to imply anything but for some reason this statement jumped out at me. :uhoh21: as far as the regularity with baths ive bathed my daughter everyday since the week we brought her home.

Am I the only one here who is seeing RED WARNING FLAGS here???? She doesn't like showers at her father's......it makes her uncomfortable........She doesn't want to talk about it???? OMG!!! Get that child to the doctor and have her checked out ASAP!

I would also contact my attorney, child services, whatever I needed to do to ensure that my child was not being 'MISTREATED'. He may be her father, but that doesn't mean that she is safe. Just please be on the safe side and have her checked out by the doctor.........forget about dry skin. Why is this man so determined about giving her a shower even when you tell him the child has already had one??? Please, please take this more seriously.

good i am glad im not the only one who thought something might be up. i hope its not but please check it out!

Elderly people have extreemly dry skin. I think they are to bathe 1-2 times a week in the nursing home. I think that schedule is because it would be impossible for them to bathe more frequently (staff). However, many of those elderly get a partial bath every night!! In my nursing home I used to work in, we always washed their torso and private areas before bed.

Anyway, my boyfriend has a 2 year old. He bathes her every night. You say you have a 7 year old. It is probably a good idea to get the idea of a bath every day into her brain now because once puberty hits she will need to take a shower that often. Jr. high students are very active kids and hygeine and appearance is very important at that age.

When I first read your concerns, I thought your words were screeming "SUSPECTFUL of abuse". If my dad bathed me at the age of 7, I think I'd be pretty uncomfortable too! Two bathes a day sounds extreme unless I was sweaty. Why is she uncomfortable at his house and not yours?

Dear All,

I appreciate everyone's input. I have gotten a letter from my doctor, and if the showers do not cease at this next visitation, then we will be going back to court.

Emily, please, please, don't send her to visit her father again until you know with absolute certainty that she is not being molested!

Hopefully this is not the case, but, as so many have noted, his behavior is sending up red flags all over the place. Maybe your daughter's dislike of showering in front of him is just modesty kicking in. However his insisting on the ritual while knowing that she is uncomfortable is emotional abuse at the very least.

As a child, I was molested by someone that my mother trusted --even after I tried to tell her what was going on. She just couldn't believe that he would do that .

Please don't assume that a doctor's note will solve the problem. Too many kids are abused -physically or emotionally- because their parents' do not believe anything wrong is happening. And by not checking out the situation, they inadvertantly contribute to the abuse.

"Emily, please, please, don't send her to visit her father again until you know with absolute certainty that she is not being molested!"

I couldnt agree more, ok maybe we are over reacting, maybe not but surely it is better to err on the side of caution. If nothing is going on then no real harm is done, but if something is and you dont act now, your daughter continues to suffer.

Act now and remove any doubt and provide your daughter with the protection she deserves.

Dear All:

I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).

Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.

I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.

I appreciate everyone's input. I rest assured tonight that nothing "bad" is going on. If you have any other input, it is much welcomed.

Sincerely,

Emily

Glad to hear things are ok Emily :)

Glad to hear things are ok Emily :)

Thanks so much! :)

Dear All:

I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).

Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.

I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.

I appreciate everyone's input. I rest assured tonight that nothing "bad" is going on. If you have any other input, it is much welcomed.

Sincerely,

Emily

I'm glad to hear that everything is "okay", but please don't let down your guard. Remember, predators will do anything to hide what they are doing including say "don't tell mommy or you'll never see her again" etc...you know what I mean, I think. At seven, I NEVER would have told my mom what was happening to me out of fear and my abuser never even threatened me. I just thought she would blame me or be mad at me so I never told.

I sincerely hope that the issue is only that she is uncomfortable because she rarely sees him, BUT just please keep your eyes and ears open.

Good luck!

". I don't care what's going on, there is no way that being dirty is unacceptable!

p.s. As far as dry skin or Eczema is concerned, that's why they make Eucerin lotion and Elidel cream. Not an option.....just my opinion. " courtesy of Lanitra, who obviously has no healthcare experience or has not had a child with eczema so severe that they needed steroid injections, so it's a good thing it's just her opinion.

Just more proof that not everybody "gets it."

Just b/c it's marketed for eczema, doesn't mean it works for all cases.

Jeez, this really ticks me off. . .my daughter suffered severe allergies & eczema, despite aggressive treatment from her pediatrician, dermatologist, & allergist. She is one of the fortunate few who "outgrew" her problems, even after several years of various treatments. One of the things that actually made her condition somewhat tolerable for her was eliminating baths that weren't necessary, spongebathing with plain tepid water in between, and for God's sakes, not using any creams or lotions that would further aggravate her condition. Of course, good peri-care was practiced.

Oh, to take back all of the tears & torment, & misery my daughter suffered b/c of this horrible problem. . I would do it in a hearbeat. . .

It's wisecracks like those from Lanitra, that inspire me to teach the ignorant.

My daughter also has dry skin. The doctor said to use a moisturizing soap (Dove, Caress, Oil of Olay) This seems to have help with the problem. She gets a bath everyday (she comes home from daycare a cruddy mess) unless I am too tired to bath her that day. But she never goes more than one day without a bath.

Glad to hear that it's just modesty and all that. Heck, when I was her age, I would freak if my dad bathed me, and I saw him everyday! If the only reason she needs assistance during bathing is because of her hair, then that's a very easy solution! Cut it!!! Or else get her a shower cap to use at her dad's house. If not, maybe pull it up into a bun and take a quick bath instead? Just some ideas!

I agree with the posters who say to only bathe 2-3 times per week until puberty. At work, we teach parents to bathe their babies only that often, throughout infancy and childhood. Ex-micropreemies in particular tend to have very dry, itchy, scaly skin. (Our treatment of choice is Cetaphil for bathing, and then Aquaphor on dry patches.) Once a child reaches puberty, I don't really understand how it would be such a challenge to change them to daily bathing. At that point, many boys are getting into sports and notice that they are sweaty, plus they start getting concerned about things like body odor and such. And for pre-teen girls, I would think a trip to Bath & Body Works to get yummy bath supplies would be enough incentive to get her into the tub or shower at least once a day!