Ok Listen to this everyone

Im the type of person that if you need help I will help you, IF you didnt get the notes for class because you were not there I will help you, If you dont understand something If I understand it I will help you.

well a classmate called me on the phone she was with 2 other students studying she called to ask me what was going to be on a test that we are having Tuesday because she didnt understand what the teacher told us. I told her exactly what she wanted to know. Then I ask her a ?? about the notes and she said that she would call me back she was going to call me from the house phonebecause she was on her cell phone..

Dont you know I never heard from her, It was as though once she got the information she needed that was it.. Thats all I was good for. The others in her group dont really care for me. I dont know why so maybe that had something to do with her not calling me back...

But it really bothered me because #1 im new to Philadelphia and dont have any friends maybe I try to hard to meet new people and make friends.. #2 maybe certain people just dont believe in treating people like you want to be treated..

People always seem to use me.

For me, I help b/c I take great satisfaction in it. If I gave help because I wanted something back like friendship, love, gratitude, acceptance, etc. I would be disappointed.

Your classmate wanted questions answered and nothing else from you. That doesn't mean you are an unlovable, unlikeable, cool person...it just means she thought you were smart & needed your help. It's a compliment that she picked you for help. It is your choice to give her help. But that gift must be freely & happily given with no strings attached. If not you will feel resentful & used.

If a 3 year old needed help tying her shoe, you would gladly give help her & not ask for anything back. You aren't owed anything...not even a thank you. And the reward you get is the satisfaction of making the world a kinder place.

I don't always practice what I preach but I do know that nurses will burn out if they think patients, coworkers, doctors OWE them something for a job well done.

Helping helps us MORE than the person you are helping. So many times I've wanted to thank someone after I helped b/c I felt so good after helping. If helping hurts, then you aren't helping, you are trying to control people with "kindness".

I am telling you this cause people have told me the exact same thing. They helped me a lot with the advice. I hope I helped you by passing it along. Hope you can find pleasure again in helping people...the world can't afford to lose a caring person like you.

As for your classmate who won't give you help, she is missing out on the best part of nursing--- colleagues helping colleagues.

Good luck.

---

Caroline

Chalk it up to experience (and a cheap one at that - she only asked you for information not money:chuckle) and don't bother about it. Next time she tries to get information from you - have a convenient excuse not to give it.

In the meantime - don't give it a second thought.

I agree with Caroline. If you give assistance to others unconditionally, you feel stronger and know that you have helped someone out in some way. By doing this, you are setting an example. It's positive energy. Granted, this classmate did say she would call you back and never did, but that is her flaw and not yours. She didn't live up to her end of the bargain, doesn't mean it's anything to do with you. Unfortunately there are people in the world who make your acquaintance for their own advantage, what they can get from you, but that should never stop you from continuing to be nice to others and help them when they need it. Give your friendship making some time, it will come automatically and with people who are also willing to give of themselves.

Originally posted by PlanetCaroline

I don't always practice what I preach but I do know that nurses will burn out if they think patients, coworkers, doctors OWE them something for a job well done.

Helping helps us MORE than the person you are helping. So many times I've wanted to thank someone after I helped b/c I felt so good after helping. If helping hurts, then you aren't helping, you are trying to control people with "kindness".

Wow - EXCELLENT points. Can you spread those around the board some more? :)

I didnt want anything in return, I dont do the things I do so people can say how kind I am... but I feel one hand washes the other... Hey maybe she did for get to call me back...but she didnt forget to call me for help..

Born2BAnurse, you did the right thing, she did the wrong thing. Now the next time you'll know not to do favors for any of the people that hang with that group. What comes around goes around, and they'll get theirs, trust me!

If you value this person freindship/recoginition that much you should approach them a let them know how you feel. If it is not worth the effort then don't sweat it... as far as not helping her again? Why not? Just don't expect anything, but you can still help others... What goes around comes around. You will be glad that you helped this person someday.

Perhaps you are jumping to conclusions prematurely. Is it possible she just got sidetracked and forgot. I really think you should at least talk to her before you make any judgements. I know I am one to easily get sidetracked so maybe I am just looking at things from a different angle.

Teresa

Great post Caroline!! I completely agree. If it feels bad to give then don't and if you are expecting something in return then you aren't really giving.

As others here have pointed out...there are many reasons why she may not have called you back. You interpreted the reason as a negative thing and it may not be. She was obviously busy when she called you and probably forgot to call you back......in answer to your question...yes, I have been used before. I think everyone has felt that way at some time or another in their life. But I am sure if you think about it you will think of times you have "used" someone....if you feel someone is chronically using you and it makes you feel bad then put a stop to it. People often ask me questions in school and aren't necessarily my "friends" but I ask other students who aren't my friends questions too. Also how do you know that the others in the group don't like you? Maybe they just don't know you. Try to think of ways to look at the situation that aren't so negative and you might see another side to the story and not feel so down. Often it is the way we interpret things and not the reality of the situation that gets us down.

Yes. Think of it as a compliment. I get quite a bit of that myself. Mostly it's a reciprocal thing. Sometimes I'm really just not in the mood though. It happened to me that one student in particular was definitely a leach. Never studied, happy to pull a passing grade at the last minute. He depended on my notes. I confronted him about it. It didn't do any good as far as changing the situation but it made me feel better. I continued to help him but only upon request and only just barely. I never confused his dependence as friendship. As long as that was clear, I had no problem.

Think of it this way. People look to you for your organizational abilities. The fact that people look to you at all is the prequel to leadership.

Kathy :)

I have found that when someone asks for help that by giving it to them, I retain things much better myself.

As far as being used? Yes. But I just figure it is another life experience to learn from. Has it stopped me from helping people...absolutely not. That's why I'm entering the nursing field.