What to do when...

brandi110 · Jan 21, 2008

Im sorry to hear about what your going through. It hurts when others are not supportive of our endeavors. Anything thats worth having is worth working hard and fighting for, only you know what most important to you at this point in your life, but as the sadness eases up and the tears fade your path will suddenly become crystal clear to you. Stay strong for the children and take care.

SusanKathleen, RN · Jan 21, 2008

Hello Sweetie,

Yes. Words of encouragement. You can do this, so don't let an insecure or unsupportive person stop you. I have been right where you are. Widowed mother of 2 little ones, but before he died, my husband did not want me to go to school. I did anyway. It was for all of us. No matter what, find a way to finish. Your children will be so much better off.

There are grants for helping with daycare expenses for your little ones. Check with your local AAUW (American Association of University Women) in your area. Go to the financial aid office at your school and ask them for help with tuition, and don't forget, they may be able to help with your daycare as well. They have connections.

Don't get mad at your husband. Keep focused on your goal. I loved your line that you "WANT WANT WANT" to go to school. Wow, girl, that's what it will take to do this!

You have what it takes. So do it.

Best wishes to you.

AuntNana · Jan 21, 2008

:icon_hug: Hugs go out to you. You sure have your hands full.

Do you have anyone else to help with your children? I know there are many single moms in the program. I'm one myself but mine is older so I can study while she is in school--& I get up very early to study or study in the late at night.

I'm lucky my mom helps on the weekends--especially during exam time & this term I have to depend on her more because my clinicals are afternoons. I really don't like having to depend on anyone but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Where there's a will, there's a way. If you don't have family or friends to watch them while you study, could you put them in daycare for a few hours a week? There's all kinds of student loans for ANY necessities that come up. And don't forget about those scholarships. $4K a year from the state of MI.

You're right. You HAVE worked hard to get to where you are. And you are about to work harder than you have ever done before. I'm sorry to hear your support system is lacking. It's time for you to do some of that "critical thinking" you are about to learn how to do.

I'll be praying for you. Good luck.:icon_hug:

T

Diary/Dairy, RN · Jan 21, 2008

You have a lot of things on your mind. I hope that you have someone else who can help you.... Good luck! I hope things get better soon.

allnurses Guide · Jan 21, 2008

Advice from an older woman . . . . I wonder if you and your husband should try counseling first. Kids need mom AND dad. And unless there is adultery, addiction or abuse . . then maybe working harder on the marriage and your family is first priority.

School can wait. Some of us went back when our kids started school to make it easier on the family.

Of course the ideal is to get your career going before marriage and kids but you cannot go back in time.

I sure hope you and your husband can work things out, for the sake of the kids.

Good luck.

steph

mybrowneyedgirl, BSN, RN · Jan 21, 2008

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you find some way of working this out. If not, try to find a good support system to help with the kids and do not give up on your dream. You can do this and it will be a great way to support you and your kids. Best of luck to you.

Justforus · Jan 21, 2008

I want to thank everyone for their words of encouragement. I needed it. This transition is going alot smoother then expected, and as though I would love to say that its best if we atick together, really at this point its not. Sorry to show everyone my dirty laundry, I just needed some others who understood.

Thankfully his mother and my mother are there to help, and weirdly enough so is he. They all want to ee me finish, he just doesnt want to give up his life. I dont know how to make sense of it. Which-ever, I am going to take tihs day by day, and hopefully he will realize he loves me, more then he thinks.

As for the cousinling, I tried, but no go on his end. Because really it comes down to miscommunication. .

Ahh, ok back to studying... "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" -Dori from nemo, my lil 3 year old walks around singing it... its my motivational tool right now. :heartbeat

Diary/Dairy, RN · Jan 21, 2008

I am confused - is this your ex??? It sounds like you still want something to be there......

Not that I am one to talk - I still love my ex on some level, even though I know that we cannot be together again.

allnurses Guide · Jan 21, 2008

I am confused - is this your ex??? It sounds like you still want something to be there......
Not that I am one to talk - I still love my ex on some level, even though I know that we cannot be together again.

I am a little confused too . . . . what "life" is your husband unwilling to give up?

steph

vamedic4, EMT-P · Jan 21, 2008

To the OP,

I'm so sorry you're going thru this. You can do whatever you set your mind to. I'm glad to hear that his family is supportive of you and can help you out. Perhaps, since you can't get anywhere with him...his mother and/or father can help him to see how he's throwing things away. Men are stupid like that. He may have felt this way for a long time but has never spoken of it. Or it may just be a desperate attempt to reclaim some sense of the youthful fun he misses...I don't know. All I do know is that his actions will inevitably have an impact on his children (and of course...his relationship with you). I don't want to sound judgemental (but I will)...he needs to grow up.

I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I wish you all the best.

vamedic4

Justforus · Jan 21, 2008

Sorry for the confusion, he is an "ex" he just moved out to his parents house, which is a subdivision away. The life Im talking about is, he still was able to hang out with his friends, on sundays he plays hockey and tends tdrink about every weekend, while I agree he needs to grow up, he wont. If I have to study, he wants me to do it around his schedule rather then what suits the family schedule. I understadn that I have kids and I need to care for them, but if Im studying he wants me to drop everything feed them get them ready for bed and put them down, all while he is watching football or something. To me, that is just disrespectful. But with him not living here, because Im not moving out until after the semester because I REFUSE to put myself through that during school. He can "live" his life so to say.

IE his mom will doANYTHING for him, so if he has them and he wants to go out he will.

This IS SOMETHING new, I havent been living like this, so I am confused. As for it sounds like I still want something with him? YES I do. I love him. He is a great dad, great BF(or was), fiance (however u spell it).

Just the past month or so everything just turned, almost like he resents me for going to school. For some reason he no longer sees that I am doing this for myself, and my family as well.

I know this sounds back and forth, and I know I can do it with or without him. I just really didngt know how to handle someone who was once sooo supporitve to someone who could care less..