To Visit or not to Visit?

The families that the other threads were referring to were the ones who visit once a year out of guilt and then make a huge production out of it to make it seem that they really care about their loved ones.

They complain to the aides about the meds, the room, the food, the color of the paint and other inane things. The chase the nurse around demanding that she call the doctor "Right now!" so they can discuss treatments for her. They ask the dietary staff for extra trays because they can't be bothered to go out and they drove aaaalllll this way plus they're tired. Since they are tired they also want cots, chairs, pillows and blankets and...well do I really need to go on?

Point is if you act like one of those families then yes the LTC will hate the minute you walk in the door. However if you aren't pains in the neck then go visit your auntie. She misses you.

From your loved ones perspective I would imagine that she would enjoy any amount of time that someone could spend with her. From your perspective I have no idea how the situation makes you feel.

Do visit. I'm not sure what you mean by mental slide, but here are some things to remember. If your aunt doesn't know who you are, don't stress her by trying to get her to remember. Just tell her that you really enjoy her company and would like to visit. If she does have memory loss, discuss events earlier in her life. If she's confused, you might ask the staff if reality orientation is appropriate or if it's better to use other techniques such as validation. Ready yourself. It is very hard to see a loved one in confusion or memory loss. Even if she cannot remember you, she will get a much needed benefit from a gentle loving touch of a visitor.

Over 100? We have a saying here that every year over the "3 score and ten" is a year of grace. Cherish these last of her grace years and visit at every opportunity. :)

Thanks for the replies!

Obviously, my issue is guilt, she is the first relative to go into care, everyone else was kept home with family, but she refused to move back here with us when she was able to make quality decisions.

Systoly, what I mean by "mental slide" is memory loss, confusion, regression ect... She doesn't know who we are & we don't push it, just kind of hang out.

Again, Thanks for replying, you all have helped me feel like we are doing more good than harm even though we can't be there often.

Over 100? We have a saying here that every year over the "3 score and ten" is a year of grace. Cherish these last of her grace years and visit at every opportunity. :)

We have a resident who is 101. She goes out for holidays with her family. They come visit regularly. She has wine(good wine too) with dinner. She walks, talks(too much), is in stable health. Moderate dementia but thats to be expected. When the CNAs come to me saying shes refusing to go to bed or refusing to get out of bed(in the morning).. I tell them shes 101 years old.. if she wants to stay in bed.. she can stay in bed.

Shes truly blessed.

Visit! Visit! It's important for everyone involved.

Yes you should visit whenever you can. I agree with a previous poster who said not to complain about everything every time you visit. Be nice to the people taking care of your aunt and make sure you show appreciation to them. (Say "thank you"). Inquire about things that your aunt may need or maybe there is something that the staff thinks that she may want.

Even though your Aunt does not know who you are .. she enjoys the visits. Positive human contact is always beneficial to everyone :)

We are not around enough to have the right to complain, and anyway my aunt and the other residents there seem well taken care of. I do say thanks, but I bet they would remember us better for the cookies:)

My concern is more that it could be confusing/disconcerting to my aunt. She has only been there a short time and I am hoping she will adjust to her new situation. I would not want our visits to hinder that. I am thankful that all replies have indicated that this would not be the case, as I would hate to lose the time with her.

We are not around enough to have the right to complain, and anyway my aunt and the other residents there seem well taken care of. I do say thanks, but I bet they would remember us better for the cookies:)

My concern is more that it could be confusing/disconcerting to my aunt. She has only been there a short time and I am hoping she will adjust to her new situation. I would not want our visits to hinder that. I am thankful that all replies have indicated that this would not be the case, as I would hate to lose the time with her.

If I were in your shoes.. as a LTC nurse or even if I was her relative, I would go visit.

even if she doesn't remember you, she'll get a lift just from having visitors. i'm told the lift can last the rest of the day, even if she doesn't remember what she's happy about.

even if she doesn't remember you, she'll get a lift just from having visitors. i'm told the lift can last the rest of the day, even if she doesn't remember what she's happy about.

thats true.. my 101 year old resident is very very chatty and upbeat during dinner. all she wants is a glass of wine and to sit with us and babble about god knows what.