The Facelift
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Ok, to make up for my reaction to the ugly woman joke:
> > The Facelift...
> >
> > A middle aged women decides to have a facelift for her
> >
> > birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the
> >
> > results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a
> >
> > newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you
> >
> > don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
> >
> > "About 32," was the reply.
> >
> > "I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.
> >
> > A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the
> >
> > counter girl the very same question.
> > She replies, "I guess about 29."
> >
> > The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."
> >
> > Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a
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> > drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the
> >
> > counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning
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> > question.
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> > The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
> >
> > Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you!"
> >
> > While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
> >
> > the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye
> >
> > sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure
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> > way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but
> >
> > it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then
> >
> > I can tell you exactly how old you are."
> >
> > They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity
> >
> > got the best of her.
> >
> > She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
> >
> > He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her
> >
> > bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
> >
> > After a couple of minutes of this, she said,"Okay, okay,...how old am
I?"
> >
> > He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his
> >
> > hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47."
> >
> > Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
> tell?"
> >
> > The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"
> >
> > "No", she said.
> >
> > (scroll down)
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> > He replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."