Rant and insecurities.

Sorry, but couldn't help but laugh at your post. Welcome to nursing school. A vast majority have the same feelings of inadequacy and fear of killing their patients. Thankfully they don't drop us off at the hospital and the nurses take an 8 hr lunch break while you care for their patients by yourself. You are there to learn and I hate to break it to you but you are not perfect and will make numerous mistakes. As you progress the patients will be more critical and you will increase your nursing and assessment skills to a point than when you graduate, you will be amazed how far you have come from your first day at nursing school.

Even the most enjoyable activity can become stressful and burdensome if there is someone looking over your shoulder and judging your every action. I recall (many moons ago) when I enrolled in a 'leisure' class on decorative frosting... I wanted to make 'cute cupcakes' for the kids' parties. Well - it all went south when the dictatorial instructor criticized everything we did. I quit halfway though!!! Horrible experience, but a great lesson for me. It all worked out & I just order from the bakery.

PP's are offering great advice that should help you gain some perspective. Based on my own personal experience, everything will be easier and better when you are out from under the clinical instructor microscope. Despite what they tell you, (according to Google) a sheet wrinkle has never actually killed a patient.

You have no idea how much this post described so much of what I have felt through my program. I'm in my second semester of nursing school, also in Med-Surg and I still feel like it's my first day in clinical every time I'm at clinical. OK, that may be a slight exaggeration but I do often feel exactly as you said, inadequate. To top it off when I've shared my feelings with a couple of friends (who are actually not in nursing school) they comment that this is my second clinical experience and I should be OK now. I just feel this pervasive lack of confidence and feel like I just don't have the intellect/critical thinking skills to make a great nurse. I want to be fabulous at what I do, but it just feels impossible sometimes.

There's a girl in my class who is the dream student: adored by the teachers, patients, As on tests, 4/4 performance grades at clinical. She also happens to be extremely kind and willing to help. I've been using her as a sort of role model. I feel that a role model can be very useful in the kind of low self-esteem situation that we have found ourselves in. I literally see her in clinical and mimic her attitude of confidence and assurance of herself. I even went to lunch with her and we sat down and had a long chat about clinical and tips/tricks that she uses to perform well. It was so profoundly helpful to me, I emerged from that lunch feeling 200x better and ready to face the next clinical extra-prepared, smile on my face, and ready to face the challenges that would present themselves to me.

You clearly want to do well in this profession and provide the best quality care for your patients. I also just want you to know that just because someone does well at clinical and/or on tests, does not mean that they will make a nurse who has compassion and a therapeutic touch. Skills can be learned, but matters of the heart come naturally. Also remember - those other people in class should never make you feel inadequate because they are doing well in nursing school. The only person you're at competition with right now, is you. The only person you need to outperform on tests, is you. The only person you need to do better than in clinical, is you. Use others as inspiration if you know other students in the program who you would like to model aspects of yourself after.

I will be fine, and so will you. I truly wish you the best and I hope the next time you step onto your clinical floor you walk with pride and a smile on your face knowing that you are doing your best, and that is enough.

Thank you all for your suggestions. Funny thing is that my instructor is wonderful. She doesn't do anything to make me nervous, it just naturally happens because of me. Some days are just bad, some clinical days are great but I just start doubting myself and my abilities. I actually wished we had more clinical days rather than just one a week, because that would make me feel more comfortable.

Many students have a job as a CNA, and they seem to be the most confident. I am going to apply and try to get a job this summer as a CNA at any of the local hospitals. I think more exposure would be better for me, and the more comfortable I get in a hospital environment, the better I will be next semester in the role as student nurse. We shall see!

I would encourage any experience in the hospital like CNA :) nursing is a mental game. You can spend 20+ hours studying for an exam - but that doesn't mean you will pass it. I use to be the same way, until I started doing Yoga. I found that the more I stressed out, the more if forgot, and the more I made mistakes. When I took a deep breath, told myself "you got this" and smiled, I did 10xs better. I made myself constantly ask questions - I wouldn't let myself get embarrassed - and I made a point to get involved with anything I could at clinical and learn from others. Yoga might not be for you - but before you wake up and go to clinical close your eyes, take a deep breath and think of only positive things (IE like you doing something good in clinical). Trust me it really works, no matter how cheesey it sounds :)

Yes, I have had (and will continue to have) ups and downs like this and times where I really wondered how smart I really was. I don't think it's from not being smart but from finding out how to think differently. Nurses must think in a way that is unique to the profession and is a skill that must be learned over time, especially when you must combine nursing knowledge with nursing intuition.

Also, I always take to heart when our instructors say it's not the A that matters but the ability to take the skills of assessment that you develop and learn how to apply the fundamentals framework to create an optimal care plan for your patients. Students who get all As and are book smart are not good at this application of the facts and info they have crammed into their brains. They have to learn a different kind of lesson and often learn it the hard way when they see how things learned from the book for NCLEX simply do not pan out for them in real life. So, I am careful at what I pay attention to and what I prioritize. Understanding this has worked out for me much better than having to study facts from the book to apply them to the test.

But, I'm having a good moment right now....I don't start clinical at our new hospital for a few weeks as the quarter just started. So, we'll see how I have to adapt in the coming weeks. Either way, keep your head up and you'll get that win when you need it most. Good luck! :)

Face your insecurities, know they are there, know others have them as well, and move on. You're not great right now and you're not going to be -- no one expects you to be great right now. And others in your class who are telling you it should be easy or they aren't afraid may well be lying or may be TRYING to get a reaction out of you. Who cares what they're feeling? You already know what you're feeling, right? Someone up above said she found someone whose style she admired and tried to emulate it. That's a good way to go about it. You think you aren't smart just because you aren't yet getting the results you want, but knowing you're doing all you can do to get those results WHILE learning and improving continually is the thing that's going to make you smarter and going to get you the results you do want. I hope this makes sense. It's late and I'm tired. Best of luck chickadee -- don't be afraid to vent, and when you finally do start to feel a glimmer of confidence, embrace it and let it grow.

we are always our worst critic.

if you care this much, i'm sure you will be fine

keep at it & always talk out how you're feeling

I could have written your post myself. Like you, I always felt as though I'm a pretty smart person, usually excelling in most things I put my mind to. But nursing school has definitely changed the way I perceive myself. I'm about to finish my first year, and with only one year left I can't help but wonder how in the world I'll be prepared to provide patient care all on my own in such a short time from now?? It doesn't help that I dread clinicals (although I'm loving Psych), or that I question every thing I do 100 times before I do it, and 100 times after I've done it!

This is why I love this site so much. Whenever I'm feeling totally incompetent, or down on myself, or feeling like a complete and utter failure, I come here and read others' stories about their own experiences and it helps me realize that most of us go through this, and it's completely normal to feel this way! We just have to realize that we're not going to wake up one day and magically be a pro, but we will look back one day and be in awe of how far we've come and how much we've actually learned.

I still remember my orientation for nursing school when the program director said that "many of you have been straight A students and as nursing students you will become B/C students because you will have to learn to think completely different then you ever had to before." It's very true. Memorizing and retaining information is only half the battle to a nursing exam because it is applying that information that you are tested on. Many exam questions are subjective because all of the choices may be correct, but it's about which is the first priority, etc.

Do not think that you are inadequate, you are learning a new way of thinking. Like another poster stated, the fact that you are this concerned means the world. You are going to make mistakes and have "aha" moments two days later, lol, it happens. You're learning more each week and the further along you get the more confident you will become. The same will happen when you get your first job as a new grad and over time things will become second nature.

Please do not equivocate your worth or adequacy with the fact you cannot maintain a 4.0 in nursing school. It is a different world from traditional classes. It definitely can be a shock to the system/ego, but with time you will learn to think more like a nurse and as you do the exams will get easier.

Good luck to you!