baleen

So many nurses want to make others miserable, as the OP indicated about the comments. At least on SDN they are overtly aggressive and transparent a don’t try to sabotage people in such an underhanded and passive aggressive way. I wish all those nurses that can’t see past their own noses would be quiet and just let others that don't JUDGE, leave their thoughtful replies

Put letters in front of my name? What? I never put RN in front of anything because I know I am made for more than this. Who the *** are you? Someone for whom this is the pinnicle? I can do the ICU, but don’t like it. I know CRNA’s that felt the same. It’s the fortitude to put up with the *** that makes the difference in nursing, not intelligence. So, good luck with your high horse there buddy. It’s not very high

This snitching thing is a nursing epidemic. Handle your own ***. People don’t have a good work ethic, take it up with them or shut up and do more work. It will bite them in the *** later, as it always does for people that don’t have a sense of responsibility. But snitching, if someone’s health and life isn’t being put directly at risk, is a sin and a personal flaw. Fix it and you are one less nurse among the thousands that have this problem. This, to me, is the main reason I don’t. want to be a nurse anymore. The nurses with no sense of self. No backbone. Wanting others to fix problems for you. Deal with it yourself. Be a man/woman.

I think it was mostly me in these places. Sure, the coworkers at one place were backstabby, but I don't think they would have been, if I had a better attitude. The other place, I just thought the grass would be greener somewhere else, and then came to the rude awakening that I really shot myself in the foot. I think a big part of all of this is me trying to get off of zoloft in every place. And of course people say thats a terrible time to quit zoloft, or to cut it back. But nearly all times are bad in life if you measure your self worth by societies standards, and are always pushing for something. I don't know if I want to be a CRNA. I'll shadow another CRNA and see how it tickles me now. But now I'm shy of a year in the ICU, my references aren't going to be glowing. I thought I got lucky and got a Psych per diem job. But I'm quickly realizing that anywhere in psych will take me, so that was not a lucky break at all. I'm going to look for an ICU that will take me. I just wonder if that will be anywhere. Sigh.

I hear that. I suppose I'm all over the place right now. Wish I had made different decisions but, for now, I'm looking at what I want to do, so I don't run from things, but rather, run to things. In the meantime, I really would love to finish out a year of experience with a travel nursing gig. After learning the ropes in 3 busy city ICU's, I'm pretty good at figuring the important parts from various hopsital settings. Perhaps not great, but I can pick it up faster, perhaps, than someone who has only practiced in one place.

So, if anyone has any ideas I'd surely love to hear them as regards my situation or your experience. I got into the ICU as a new grad last year (2018). Since then I've had two residencies (one I was done with and a full ICU nurse) and quit both of them after 4 months each, giving me 8 months of very spotty ICU experience. I've realized that I don't want to be an ICU nurse long term. However, I very much regret just quitting before I had 1 year of experience, for long term job prospects, and for my desire to possibly go to CRNA school in the future. Before I explain why I think I became such a quitter, I want to ask my questions to you guys. First, this is very recent. I have a job Per diem lined up in an inpatient Psych Hospital in my home city, and I'm going to take some classes at the local Community College (chemistry type stuff). I am worried that I wont be able to get another job in an ICU without putting in a solid year in Med Surg, if I feel like going to CRNA school. With such a spotty record, is it possible to get another job in an ICU to put in a good 6 months? I understand the explanation may be key, and will be difficult, but has anyone had this kind of crappy record and still gotten in? I obviously feel bad for taking the resources of these hospitals and then leaving, but now I have to think about the future. Second: Is it possible to get a travel nursing gig with 8 months of ICU RN experience? I also had a 6 month Practicum in a level one Trauma MICU, but I know that doesnt count (though it was better experience than my other level 2 hospitals). If I could do a travel gig, I could get close to my year in, and they wouldnt have to worry about me running away again, cause I am temporary anyway. My reasons for quitting are: The first job had a culture of catty backstabbing women (no offense to the great women out there please). I was stressed and I didn't like the job, but the nurses around me smiled in my face and then constantly talked about me to the manager. Even things that were not true (or truth manipulated to damage me). I became afraid of the place and getting fired because of this and left. I had my own issues, I was negative at work, and these ladies probably thought that they didn't want to be around someone like that. Understandable, but they way it happened was a surprise. The second job, I had a preceptor that was very annoying. He was always assuming that I was an idiot (because I felt it was beneath me to defend myself). He would follow me around like a limpet talking at me incessantly. I had to shake him off me by going in and out of a door like six times. He wouldn't give me experience, as he wanted to show off to me. He also subtly put me down. Hes an insecure guy, nice enough if you can get past these things, but as a preceptor he made a job that is already tough on the ego (Patients, Docs, Family, everyone looking at you to screw up in any way, and not a lot of respect), and hurt my little ego too much. I didn't really realize it before it was too late. I had a different preceptor right before I had already quit (complicated story there), and he was great. A normal guy. Smart, focused on what is important and not the B.S., and knows how to respect another person. But it was too late. I don't like the job. There are aspects I do, but I don't like not having the knowledge to be a knowledge worker in such an interesting place. I don't like not making decisions myself, and being "ordered". I don't like the cultures of nurses in the 3 hospitals ive been to. They talk about god knows what b.s all day/night long. Jokes that are not at all funny to me (I like my humor, but not my fit). Company folk, that make excuses for the way things are, or talk about other people. Most of all, I don't like the millions of ancillary tasks that we make our money doing. Earn our money. It is a hard job. Constantly trying to keep the place clean, the patient clean, the MAR refreshed and completed, the Orders neat and understandable, the labs within range or understood, the patient turned, swabbed, etc,etc,etc. It does get a bit easier, but I cant every see myself there long term. I just do see somethings I like about the ICU, in CRNA. I love putting in lines. I am facinated by conciousness, and taking away someones, and bringing it back is very interesting. Procedures are satisfying. I was a carpenter, and a commercial fisherman before nursing, and the manual tasks in space are rewarding for me. Science. And of course, autonomy, and the ability to focus on what I want to focus on. Those are some of the keys. I have shadowed a CRNA and it did seem a bit claustrophobic and monotonous, but of course, I don't know whats going on in his/her head Please don't chastise me on here. I do it enough. But if you think that I am SOL, I can hear that. I would love to hear some peoples experiences and ideas. Thank you.

did you get a second interview sisterhoodispowerful?

I have to say, at every turn, the truly curious are stymied by a culture in nursing that eschews the really deeper questions. If that, "I don't know. Im a nurse, not a doctor" mentality bothered you early, it will never get better in my experience, and I think it's good that you can hear your own reaction to that kind of thing. I am glad that you found my post useful.

After completing nursing school, and a capstone in an ICU, I have realized much about my above thoughts. For anyone still interested in my little journey, ill share some of them. First, I should not have gone to nursing school. It was never going to be enough, and it was always going to be very annoying to me. Its the kind of person I am. I fought against it. Why? Fear. If I am to be honest, becoming sober after years of feeling out of control, and feeling like I would never live up to my own expectations for myself, left me scared of becoming another homeless statistic. Once sober, I found that I could really do anything again. I could focus, and I could be the best in most of my classes. I enjoy learning, but I hate learning "nursing". I had to find that out the hard way. I love learning about nature. Be it the human body or any other form that has taken trial and error and chaos and (isnt it the question that ultimately drives...why at all?) sits here in our midst, makes us up, and is infinitely beautiful and wondrous. Nursing abdicates too much of that end of things, and sits on the human aspect. The almost "human first", nearly Christian way of it. Perhaps that is why there are so many christians in my classes. But...I digress. It was not a good decision to go to nursing school. Perhaps when I begin work, and can work 2 days a week and pursue other things that make me happy, my tune will change somewhat. But I fooled myself for so long. I tried to tell myself that this thing I was doing out of fear was right for me, and the other things I really wanted (Journalism....Medical School) were not. I did not listen to those that said follow your heart. Though I wanted to. I did listen to those that said stick around. Keep at it. My first nursing school teachers told me to go to medical school. Nothing anyone could have said would have swayed me. If there is anything I could tell anyone....its that, it is true. Follow what you want, is true. Everything else you justify for money, or stability, or ...or...or...you name the fear, it will drive you if you cant fight it off. Its not too late for me, though I do feel old for somethings....I suppose it does not have to be so. Follow what we want...and dont make excuses. I can do great things....if I have the courage. I think many others can too.

Not close to retirement. It's a job, that I can see won't fulfil my needs ultimately, unfortunately. Im a bit older, so I have a decent idea what drives me.

Hi. I wonder about this. I only plan on being a nurse for a few years. I wanted Critical Care for practicum but got intermediate trauma. practicum doesnt make or break the "career" but what if you only expect to do max 5 years as a nurse? would you say it makes a difference then? I don't want to do med-surg nursing at all after seeing it, but not being in ICU practicum makes it taht much farther away feeling after graduation....its a real bummer

Case in point. The insecurity seeps through the cracks. As for the OP. And, full disclosure, I am not a nurse, I am a Tech, and have a month left of a BSN program...... It does seem that nursing is often a ton of serving, and much less than I would have thought of critical thinking. Though, I do find places, different fields/floors that have much more critical thinking. It is helpful to go to third world countries, or remember what it is like to be poor or homeless and see how good of a job nursing really is. I have tons of gripes with it, especially the education, but those more accurately reflect what I want for myself that I am lacking, and frustration with my own choices, then mattering in the grand scheme of things. Nursing education is not going to change much anytime soon. So deal with it (I says ot myself) I see it this way: how are your hierachies of need? Do you have security taken care of? How about love and belonging? esteem? If you are pretty full up on your needs, perhaps you can take real chances with your life. If you need more security to feel ok and build, money, etc....then stick with the slow building path. Then again, sometimes the best track is to burn it all down and start anew. But that's never something I'd counsel. Maybe dont work as many hours. Find other things that take care of some of your intellectual and emotional needs. Work towards what you want while you are nursing. Advice....don't take my word for it.

Yes, I see your point. One thing that also bothered me however, was some of the NP advanced pathophys classes I saw. They were very disappointing in the same way I talked about above. Similar class, but dumbed down for NP's vs MD's. Now that is a place where the disciplines are more similar. I know some NP programs share some of these classes with Med schools so it's not all like this but it was annoying to see. My feeling is that people are already skeptical of your knowledge and trying to make it harder to get into the field, so programs should try harder. One of the problems was that they were being taught by nurses (NP's) who just don't have the knowledge to go deep enough. But as for the point of generalist nursing courses and med courses......I do see your point

The thing is that with the internet, and too much ambition early on, I was able to remotely sit in on many nursing school classes. Its free. Its not omniscience. Its the internet. And if you sit in on the same class but in a non nursing context (PA, MD) the difference is night and day. What are you protecting? You should have high expectations for your field.

Well, if you think that the quality of nursing coursework is not a huge issue for the future of nursing respect, scope of practice, and being seen as skilled work, then I fundamentally disagree. I am in a top ranked nursing school (nearly done) and it is a joke. As they all are. Look at my pathophysiology class and the pathophisiology class I sat in on with the Med students. There is no excuse for such a gulf in the scientific and educational rigor between the professions. As for nursing theory. There are too many "theory" classes. Just too many. Perhaps have 1. 2 is too many. But taking one every term? Its a joke.