Acrylic

HIVI- Husband Is Village Idiot

There is a consultant urologist in my training hospital called Mr Flood.

I have a habit of randomly stroking my left boob when I want to know the time, assuming my fob watch will be there.......

I know in my job most of us rotate between nights and days. However if anyone particularly wanted just days or nights, they either said it in interview and agreed upon it as terms of their contract or negotiated it with their line manager.

I like to think I've can pretty much hold it together when it comes to codes, etc. However I'm currently in NICU caring for a little 28 weeker with every heart defect in the book. It is breaking my heart watching him slowly die and I have nothing but admiration for his wonderful parents who refuse to give up hope. This little boy has come so far that you think maybe, just maybe this once, he might be that one in a million who will make it. But then you sit down and look at his results, you re-read your books at night searching for that glimmer of hope and it's not there. His mom says that no-one will acknowledge that he has lived longer than they had thought (30 days) and that maybe they are wrong and maybe the books are wrong and maybe his heart isn't completely inoperable. I wish I could give her the answers she wants to hear more than anything. I go home every night with tears running down my face knowing each day could be his last and trying to fit in as many photos of parent and baby as I can and create as many moments and memories as I can fit in. It is the worst death I have seen and I am still seeing it. It is at times like this I hate being a nurse. I wish my biggest problem was that i didn't balance a budget right or that I was late for a deadline. However, I know that I am doing my best for these parents and that I am helping mum and dad create a life with their little boy, however short, rather than just watching a death. I hope they know how much I care about them and I really hope their little boy is one in a million.