SassyErRn

I agree with RN4HUGS...start with finding info on your states assistance program. I live in MI and am under HPRP. As long as I stay compliant with my contract I will not be reported to the BON. It allows me to keep my nursing license and cont to work. It has saved my life. There was a nurse in my weekly group that was not under any sort of contract. She was not caught diverting but on her own she began going to AA and got herself into weekly group (outpatient group of health care prof in recovery). She even does random drug screens. Nobody at her job knows she is in recovery. So it is possible for you to get help without the bon getting involved...its just up to you whether you decide you want/need an assistance program to keep you more accountable. Good luck to you!

I agree with rninmi. I was caught last year for diverting and I admitted everything. I was suspended from my job and I called hprp (otherwise the hospital would turn me into the state). To answer you q....not everyone is req to do inpt stay. I did an intake interview at a rehab and had to just do the 6 week iop. Every case is different. I have a 3 year contract...group ends after 2 years. It costs a lot of money (and I have insurance) but it saved my life and it's saving my license. Good luck and feel free to ask any questions.

Ditto what pp said. Good luck and congrats!

Like the previous posters said...you must have a solid recovery before doing this...but you can do it. Nursing school is very demanding but recovery needs to come first. Find meetings you love and make sure you get to them every week. Make calls often and keep in contact with your HP. There is so much support out there that makes this possible for you to do! Good luck!

I had an interview with a home care place and got an offer that I accepted. My start date is already set for July 14th and I put in my 2 week notice yesterday. The only thing...I will not find out if HPRP approves my request for this new job until tomorrow. My sponor works here and she actually got the job 6 months into her recovery. Like my case manager at hprp said...every case is different. I pray they approve this for me. I have one year clean...compliant with every part of my contract. I am praying for this approval. I know there is nothing else I can do..just wait.

I posted last week that I was going to my first interview since in recovery (almost 1 year c&s now). Well, it wasn't great, wasn't terrible either. I did not get the job tho...but I am ok I got there plenty early and just sat in my car, and just prayed. My sponsor told me something along the lines of how it was already written for me and that really helped me relax. God already had it planned out. The interview was short and I don't know if that's because she was a recruiter or that she just didn't want to keep going with it after knowing I was in recovery. She didn't ask me the usual strengths/weaknesses Qs. She told me about the postion and asked what my IV skills were (IV infusion position). I think I talked about recovery too soon but I did present myself as confident and proud. When I told her I was looking for FT work (that is what the job was advertised as) she told me that she was notified yesterday that someone new had just started in the FT position. I sent a thank you to her and she replied with "it was nice meeting you too" and that was it. The interview ended with that same "nice meeting you". Nothing about I will call you if something opens up FT...nothing. The best part is I wasn't completely crushed. I am grateful to atleast have a job. I will not give up. The old me would just stay working in medical records and wait until HR tells me there is a position for me that will work with my contract. The new me wants to get out of this hospital and get a fresh start. Staying here isn't healthy for me. Thank you so very much for the replies to my original post. Your encouragement helped alot. I know it was "just an interview" but to us in recovery it can be a big step. I didn't make a huge deal out of the process or the result but I am glad I was able to post about it and get support. Thanks again. You guys rock!

Background: Er nurse for 3 years, suspended May 30, 2008 for diversion. Involved in MIs hprp program. Sober almost 12 months. Since November I have been working in the same hospital I was suspended from...only doing audits in medical records. My 6 month restriction just ended. I was told a few months ago by the HR lady that there is a chance of getting me a position in the observation unit after my restriction is up. Obs is part of er. This brings on a ton of anxiety but a few months ago I thought I just needed to suck it up because I should take whatever job I can. I now know that I don't have to suck it up and staying at this hospital and going back to seeing the same co-workers and being in the same hospital environment...12 hr shifts, etc...may not be the healthy thing for me to do. I found a job listing for an IV infusion rn and thought about applying for a few weeks. I went back and forth between wanting to get the hell outta this hospital and just start going through the difficult interviews (disclosing my recovery status) and thinking maybe it would be easier to stay and just "suck it up". I sent my resume via email on Sunday night and got a call at 8:45 am Monday. The woman is actually from a recruitment firm but said she was so excited when she got my resume. She asked me why I wanted to leave the er and I just told her I wanted to get out of the hospital environment. I am so excited for this poss position yet so nervous. There is no reason I shouldn't get this job but if they don't want to deal with having an employee in the program then I am outta luck. It's a mds office that does mostly iv abx, no chemo, some wound care. They are open 7 days a week, 7a-7p and the rns rotate 8 hr shifts, every 3rd-4th weekend. I am meeting with my sponsor on wed, interview is on friday. She is also a nurse and I will talk to her about how to present myself. This will be my first interview since being in recovery. Any advice would be great. Otherwise just wish me luck.

Wow guys, thank you so much. Like I said, I had a list going but I guess I just needed some reassurance. Jack, I like how you said it only took you 5 years to catch on...lol. My therapist said that you get your brain back after 5 years and start using it around 7. Thanks again everyone!

I met with my new sponsor last night and she asked me to work on some things before we meet again next week. She wants me to make a list of ways I have been mentally powerless and physically powerless, 12 of each. I started working on this last night by just writting a list of how I have been powerless and then try to decide if that is a physical or mental thing. I am not sure if I am writting down the right things. I will probably talk to her about what I have started to see if I am on the right track but your help would be great. So how would you define being mentally powerless and physically powerless and what are some examples, in your opinion, of being each. Thanks so much.

I posted a week or so ago about how I need a sponsor and it's tough for me to get to new meetings and put myself out there, nervous and shy, etc. Well, this past week I went to a women's aa meeting on tuesday night and it was great! I was going to NA and my therapist suggested I try AA. I loved to see some older women (like grandmas!). The topic of shame came up and someone mentioned being in the health care field and I ended up sharing my feelings of shame and said that I was a nurse. That is not like me to talk if I don't have to but I just gave myself a little push. After the meeting a woman came up to me and suggested I go to this other women's aa group on thurs nights and I should meet this Gail person. I planned on checking out this other meeting anyways so I was happy to hear that most of the tuesday women also go to this other thursday meeting. I went there and found Gail who was an er nurse for 9 years and this and that...now wrapping up her 3 years in the hprp program. We talked for a bit before the meeting and she ended up telling me she would be willing to sponsor me if I wanted! She is a very laid back and fun person and I think it would be a great fit. And going into this meeting felt so great become the woman who suggested I go saw me and said how happy she was that I came and asked me to sit at her table. So Gail said to give her a call. I plan to call her this weekend but I really don't know what to say. I know you don't just call your sponsor when you are struggling. I am not a talker but she said she is so that is good. I will probally just tell her thank you for agreeing to work with me and then maybe she will just take it from there. She won't be at the meeting next week so I don't know if I ask her if she wants to get together and talk some more or what. Hmmm. I won't worry too much about that. I am so glad and I thanked God for this. Like I said, I am one to go to a meeting and leave right after. That is not the way to meet people. Now I feel kinda plugged in and I can see future friendships...and I didn't see that happening before. I went to NA just to meet my meeting requirements and now I feel like I want to go the these womens meetings because I don't want to miss anything! Sorry this was so long. Just wanted to update and share my good news. This was a HUGE step for me!

This is a tough one and seems to be split down the middle between those who think you should be honest and those who think that's it's none of their business. I can understand how it's none of their business but I think I would tell them. I work in a hospital where there is so much drama and gossip and I would like to believe that nothing has been said about how I just one day disappeared but I do not know that for sure. And even if nothing was said, people assume things. I would rather talk about it so they hear the truth from me and know that I am in recovery and working hard at staying clean. I was suspended almost 10 months ago and for the past 4 months I have been doing a desk job in medical records at the same hospital. I will probably be offered a position in the observation part of the er so I will be seeing the same people I used to work with. I often think and worry about it and I do not know how I will handle things...I will come up with that when I know for sure that I will be going back. I do think that I would just be honest and maybe someone will learn from me and I will show them that I can come back to work and be in recovery. I will not have a narc restriction by then but I will still have to deal with the questions of where I have been the last year. Good luck to you.

Thanks, I needed that. Sometimes the small reminders are so huge! I talked to my group about it because I wanted to be open and honest. That also keeps me in check with getting to some new meetings and finding someone. I plan to check out 2 women's AA meetings this week. I have to push past all the nerves and go.

I talked to my nurse friend about being my sponsor. Basically she said that she wouldn't feel comfortable filling out my quaterly reports when she herself is not involved much in step work. She does what is required to get through the program but she does not really work the steps like alot of people. This is exactly how I am. Don't get me wrong, I am working on my recovery for me, not because I HAVE to, but I am not looking for a big comitment from a sponsor either. I would love to have someone just to see or talk to a few times a month and who would be willing to be called my sponsor but if I can't get a hold of them it's not the end of the world. She would be a perfect fit. I understand tho that she doesn't want to lie on a form and say we worked on a step when really we just talked about how I am doing in recovery itself. She did fill out a sponsor report for me for this past quater. It was due 6 days ago so hopefully sending it in late won't lead to a punishment. She told me that if I didn't send one in they could close my case because I would be considered noncompliant. I don't know if I should attach a note for my case manager saying it's late because I have had trouble getting a hold of my sponsor and I had someone else who knows me fill it out instead. I might call her, I dunno. At any rate, I need to find someone. I don't see how I can ask someone who I don't really know. This sucks. One day at a time, right? So that is where I am at today.

Hello fellow recovering nurses. I haven't been on this site in awhile but I am looking for some guidance. My recovery from drug addiction is going well but I am having trouble finding a new sponsor. The woman I had was having some other things going on in her life and really wasn't available. I do have to be honest here and say that I am not all about having a sponsor. I, however, do think that I need to get working on my 4th step and it is a requirement to have a quaterly sponser report sent in to hprp. So here is my problem. I go to a caduceus meeting every saturday and I love that meeting but there are not a whole lot of women there...and the ones that do go are there probally once a month. So it's hard to attempt a recovery relationship with anyone if I only see them once or twice a month. I will tell you now that I am a shy person and it's not easy for me to just start talking to someone after a meeting. I was going to another NA meeting that was ok but the crowd is younger, which is me, but again not alot of females....and the females that do go are young and without enough clean time. I know that I should start going to new meetings or maybe women's only but it's so very hard for me to get back out there and go to a meeting I have never been to before. I should probably find a women's AA since I haven't found any women's NA. I guess if I go to one I would be able to introduce myself as not new to the program but looking for a good group of women and looking for a new sponsor. There is a nurse who I went to nursing school with that works at the same hospital that I do (and she is in the program) and I have talked to her a few times but haven't had the guts to ask her if she would want to sponsor me. Then I kinda changed my mind about that because she has like 16 or so months in the program and I wasn't really sure if she would be willing to take on a sponsee (sp) yet. She is my age, 28, and we of course have nursing in common, so I thought that would be good. I guess I was just thinking that a sponsor should have a few years under their belt. What do you think? Should I talk to her about it? She lives kinda far from me but I thought we could meet once a week during a lunch break. I dunno. I hate this. I am the worst when it comes to meeting new people and "making a new friend". Ideally I would want to have this nurse as my sponsor and I don't care that she has only been in the program for a year but she might care. Ahh. Thanks for listening.

Yeah! What a great feeling that must be. Congrats! I am in hprp too. It hasn't been a year yet but I am glad that there is hope!

Hello and welcome. Every state is different. I was diverting narcs and was suspended from my job. I was given the phone # for my states recovery program that helps healthcare workers. If I didn't call them then I would have lost my license and maybe taken to jail...but they did not tell me that and trust me, I didn't think about if I wanted to lose my license or get help...it was easy to decide. GL to you and your revocery.

Thank you so much. After sleeping on the idea for a few nights I am actually warming up to it (although it's not a for sure thing and I am not faced with it right at the moment). I would be where I am not brand-spankin-new. Management already knows how great of a nurse I was so for them to see me return and work just as hard, I want to really show them. I want to wow them. Most improtantly, I want to be proud of myself. Others might not see what the big deal is, but I will know that this would be huge. I will run into the nurses I used to party with but since I will be in the dept across the hall, sept from the er, I will not have to work side-by side with them and constantly deal with trying to ignore them when they talk about their party plans or feel left out and mad. It will be a safe distance for me. And my Husband and I have baby plans in the future so thinking ahead, having 4 days off, although not in a row, would be fitting for a mother. This is my chance to work days and be normal. I hated 12s working 6p-6a or 3p-3a but maybe 12s working days will be different for me...I can only hope. Look what you helped me do....talking all positive and stuff! Thanks for being so kind. I will keep you posted.

Good thread. I too am from MI and after my work intervention I entered the Health Professionals Recovery Program (HPRP). I had no idea about such a program but thank God for it. I think it should be a topic covered in nrs shcool. They tell you about stress and burn out but not how common addiction can be. This would not save someone from using because the brain is already wired, but a nurse would know that she is not 1 in a million. Anyways, the hprp program is 3 years. I have to attend weekly group with others who are in hprp X2 years. The last year I will still be req to drop and send in all the forms from mtgs, case manager, etc. I do have a 6 month narc restriction as well. The money spent on everything is overwhelming but I just remind myself that I don't have to do it, I would just have to find another career. I worked too hard in school to throw it all away after only 3 years of nursing. I would see that as giving up just because of a hurdle (a huge hurdle, but a hurdle). I don't think I can really critisize (sp) any of the requirements because they are keeping me c&s and licensed. Of course it's easy to complain about and easy to get mad but in the end, it's saving my life. I am grateful for the random drops because without those I would have already been drinking. Narcs are my doc but after IOP I realized how alcohol has been a problem as well. I would be in the program to deal with my drug addiction and not alcohol. Silly, I know. Thinking about this program still gets me feeling so lucky. Could you imagine not having such a thing? I am happy to meet with a group of health care pros every week and share the struggles and the triumphs. Na is great too but I get more from the caduceus meetings. GL to everyone. So glad this board is here.

Thanks easttexasnurse. I did say at the end of my post that I do just need to "get over it" and you being "harsh" (but I did not take it badly) was just another needed kick in the pants. I also told my husband the same thing, that I have these fears but I am greatful to even have a 2nd chance. Given that I will be offeren the job, and given I will get over my fears with time, I am concerned that 12s will put me back into a depressed and stressed pattern. My only hope is that I can remind myself at the start of every shift that I am a lucky person to have this 2nd chance and that it can't be any worse than working in the er being short staffed daily.

Hi everyone. I called my worksite monitor this morning to let her know my quater is ending in two weeks. She is the woman from hr who I delt with at the time of my suspension and since I am working in med. records for the time being, she is my worksite monitor. Anyways, she mentioned that she spoke with the nursing supervisor from er (my old job) back in dec and it is possible that they may be able to place me in the cdu after this current position. She didn't say that it is a forsure thing or that it would only happen after my 6 month restriction is up....right now my job is temp and I have been doing it for 3 months but I am not sure they will keep me another 3. But I guess it's good to know I may have a position. I think I will have to make a list of pros and cons thought because while I would actually like cdu vs. being on the floor (now this is dumb I know but) I would be around the er people I worked with. Cdu and er share a break room and they also do shift report together. I wouldn't like going back to 12s and starting work at 6am is crazy. With hprp I don't think you can work before 7a but I would probally just have to request a change in contact. Anyways, I know these reasons are silly and it would just take time to get over it. It's just something to think about. And I still think I might apply for the health dept nurse. I know most of you would be so greatful to have a job ready for you and I am too so that is why I should proablly just take it IF it is offered to me. I can get over being nervous about seeing old co-workers but the thing that I really don't like is the 12s. I guess I have alot to think about while I have the time now. Thanks for listening.

Awsome! I am so happy to hear you found something. You are such a strong person and it paid off! Good luck and keep us posted.

easttexasnurse, Thank you so much for the kind words. I love the way you put it....how I am working to keep my head above water and he is the tow. And you are right, he needs to know that my sobriety party depends on him yet I am kinda afraid to tell him this. I know that he knows that I have a problem but I honeslty don't think he could say that his wife is an addict. And I understand that outsiders don't have a clue but he would compare me to a junkie on the street and eventhough WE know an addict is an addict, THEY don't see it that way. I guess I am afraid to let him know that he is partly responsible for me staying clean. It makes me sound like I will relapse at any minute if something goes wrong. Sometimes I want to just shake him because I don't think he realises how hard recovery can be. So when I am having a bad day and end up yelling at him he just thinks I am a b!tch and doesn't think that maybe I am battling urges or whatever in my head. We have been married for almost 3 years. We will get through this. We have talked about marriage counseling in the past but it was around the time I was using (he didn't know yet) and my therapist suggested a hold on that until I got my own act together. I think having a 3rd party see what is going on would be good. I don't want to place blame but my husband is the type where he thinks he is always right. I would love for someone to tell him that he is only harming our relationship by doing x y or z. Thanks again. I will keep everyone posted.

Wow you guys, thank you so very much for the prayers and hugs. I needed that. Last night when I got home from work we sat down and talked about the situation. I couldn't help but cry and long story short, I told him that I have tried to be supportive and understanding but it's time for him to step it up and get any job that pays. I told him I didn't want him to be miserable at a job but he needs to be an adult. He has an interview monday for a collections company but its comission only but I told him it doesn't hurt to interview. After that we will see. He knows though that he might need to work retail until something more fitting comes along. So overall it was a good talk. He got to see how the situation has taken it's toll and I pretty much can't take it anymore. I was actually thinking we would end up fighting but I was able to approach him in a kind way eventhough I am pi$$ed. I married him for a reason. And he stuck with me through my rocky times and I will do the same. Thanks again for "listening". You guys are great!:flowersfo

This day is getting worse. Here I am working at my desk thinking about how my husband is at home, still umemployed. Instead of refocusing on my work I think about how he hasn't worked since the summer and it's not the economy in MI solely to blame. He has a poor work hx. He has been let go because of companies cutting costs but he has left jobs because they were either comission only and he wasn't making much or because the hours became very long. I have talked to him nicely about this, I have been on his case, I have let it go over the holidays, and now I am back to being pi$$ed. I am very aware of my resentment towards him and it kinda settled down for a bit there. I now realize that me letting it go over the holidays was only a way for me to try and forget the whole mess and let me do my best at recovery. Now that I am getting angry at him again I am thinking damn, I went through a whole lot last year...I was using while working a stressful job, I was depressed and suicidal at times, finally got suspended, off of work for 5 months, working now although only a temp administrative job at the hopsital I worked at before...and through all of my sweat and tears he still is without work. So I felt the need to vent on a message board I have posted on before. I am aware that you get poor replies and people telling you that you married the lazy guy and blah blah blah. Could you imagine if I said...oh yeah, and I am a recovering addict! yikes. I guess I was hoping for someone to say they know how I feel. My husband is wonderful and he is a hard worker and very smart. I told him that I don't see that man anymore. So right now he is not the man I married. I know he wants to be the bread winner and he is not happy with himself right now. I don't know what to do. He is looking for jobs. He mentioned moving out of state but I have told him no in the past because I can't trust him due to his job hx. I am not about to move away from my family, support for recovery groups, etc. because he can FIND a job outside of MI. That is not the complete issue...can he KEEP that job as a career and provide stability for us because I want a family some day. When I get home from work I plan to sit down with him and tell him he needs work now. I have already told him since the new year started that he really needs to find ANYTHING for now. I guess we need to talk again. I am so upset right now. And thinking about the fact that I am working my job plus working to stay c&s....people have no idea how hard that can be. I feel like they take it like a grain of salt sometimes. It's hard not to think about wanting to F it all up just to show him I am fed the F up. Grr. Sorry to vent...and vent hard. Thanks for listening. I just figured I could come here and you guys would atleast listen and not flame me.

pollyanna83... For my situation, I think is was a combo of many things. I have a hx of depression and it was getting worse in the year leading up to my drug abuse. During that time there was stress at home because my husband was unemployed and couldn't find work. I started drinking more, I stole pills from a friends house, then the diverting from work. Throw in 12 hour midnight shifts in the er with every coworker complaining about being short staffed on a daily basis and how much they are miserable and you get one sick girl. And it's not the situations, it's the person's mind. The situations are just like throwing gas on a fire.