TempRNce

You are plenty strong to have gone through this as long as you did, what a horrible thing to have to experience! If this was affecting your physical health it doesn't sound like you really had much of a choice, your kids do need you to be healthy. Good luck in your job search, there is something better waiting for you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about your own pain, and it can be helpful when that's your intent. What I find unhelpful is when people talk about their pain only as a way to dismiss the other person. Comments such as "I've felt something like that too" are fine until they're followed by "so we all have problems, stop complaining." Listening and empathizing do help a lot, as with many problems that's sometimes the only thing you can do. What also helps is educating other people, you're opinion may hold a lot more weight than the person actually suffering the pain.

Whites absolutely do have the right to form groups that exclude non-whites, and there are some in existence in your area (do a web search). But with few exceptions, minority groups are formed not to exclude anyone, but for a source of community. You could join the NAACP if you wanted to, at least one of the chapters even has a white president. The fact that you "have no personal need to have an all white organization" is the key point. If you really wanted to you could, but you don't want to. It would likely be redundant and would attract a pretty specific type of member. Instead of asking "how come I can't do this," maybe ask "why do other people need this?" Maybe you could go to a chicano or asian or black organization's meeting and find out, I'm sure you'd be welcome.

You are changing the subject (see #3 and #7), but that's expect I don't think anyone would have a problem giving someone leeway if they are accused of being racist just for disagreeing, but is that always what's happening? I'll quote Melissa Harris Perry here: "...The implication is if one cannot produce irrefutable evidence of clear, blatant and intentional bias, then racism must be banned as a possibility. But this is both silly as an intellectual claim and dangerous as a policy standard. In a nation with the racial history of the United States I am baffled by the idea that non-racism would be the presumption and that it is racial bias which must be proved beyond reasonable doubt. More than 100 years of philosophical, psychological and sociological research that begins, at least, with the work of W.E.B. Du Bois has mapped the deeply entrenched realities of racial bias on the American consciousness. If anything, racial bias, not racial innocence is the better presumption when approaching American political decision-making. Just fifty years ago, nearly all white Democrats in the US South shifted parties rather than continuing to affiliate with the party of civil rights. No one can prove that this decision was made on the basis of racial bias, but the historical trend is so clear as to require mental gymnastics to imagine this was a choice not motivated by race." That's a lot to read (unless you're interested in learning other perspectives), but the gist is that most often, racism can't be proven, but are you really in the best position to assess it?

I wanted to post a guide for people on how to support their black friends if a topic like this comes up. The point is that you treat the black person's pain as you would ANY OTHER kind of pain, e.g. back pain. I'm sure I am a little bitter. It's frustrating to suffer from daily pain and have to smile through it because it offends those who are causing it. "We aren't allowed to be racist" is an interesting way to phrase it.

Here are examples (excerpts, direct quotes with emphasis added) of how variations of these unhelpful responses were used in the recent "black nurses and students" thread (https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/black-nurses-students-622935.html) - I left out the names of those quoted, I hope this does not prompt a #8 . #1. "Is this a joke?" "Isolation can be a devastating feeling but make sure its real and not something youve put into your own mind due to past experiences." #2. "I can understand your feelings here but why do you assume you feel this way only because the color of your skin? As a white middle age lady I can't begin to tell you how many times in life I have felt difficulty in connecting with a group of people. I'm pretty sure lots of people feel this from time to time no matter what their skin color is." #3. "Racism is a two way street. Just saying, it is possible for people in the "majority" to experience it." "Unfortunatley discrimination happens everywhere, not only to blacks, and not only in nursing." #4. "The moment you had the thought that your class lacked "diversity" you isolated yourself." "I think you will begin to feel more isolated when you point it out and start making a big deal about it. Color doesn't matter." #5. "In my Nursing Program 1/2 the class were White American and 1/2 were African American. We were all over worked, underpaid and struggling to pass the courses. Color had nothing to do with how well we did" #6. " My best friend in nursing school happened to be black; I'd known her since 7th grade. And it wasn't an issue for anyone" #7. "Also, you have people like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton creating race issues where there are no race issues, because racism is very profitable for them. This also encourages more cries of racism" It even shocked me a little how easy it was to find examples. But this shows you it's not matter of stupidity, it's a matter of privilege. And the truth is most people would not readily tell someone with chronic back pain that they were being a victim, or that they were wrong for hurting. It misses the point, it's unhelpful, and unkind.

Exactly. I think refusing this assignment might actually be the more compassionate action if you thought your biases might get in the way of providing care. This happens with a lot of patients who never killed any children: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39524989/ns/health-pain_center/t/world-hurt-minorities-get-less-treatment-their-pain/#.ToZ5HU-xHtA

I see what you are saying, but you are forgetting the historical and social context. Historically, "all white" organizations in the U.S. have formed specifically in an attempt to keep non-whites out and plot how to kill them - that should cause outrage. Blacks, Asians and Latinos congregate not to exclude people but to be able to speak their own language or dialect, enjoy their traditional foods, discuss things relevant to their community or culture, or maybe just to be in a situation in which they don't stand out. It's not difficult to surround yourself by white people if that's what you wish to do, it happens by accident. Why on earth would anyone need to "try to have an all white organization"?

I think it's fantastic that the rest of your coworkers are so great, that will make her behavior easier to deal with. Since you don't know her it's impossible to really know what her deal is, don't spend too much time worrying about it or trying to change it. It often helps to just stay away from people that make you feel like that.

I apologize, I wasn't clear. I didn't mean for people not to respond freely, I just meant that all of the "Dont's" were things that seem clearly not helpful or supportive, so using one of them would have been pointless, UNLESS someone was able to say why they think it IS helpful or supportive or useful or whatever. I admit I wasn't in the happiest of moods when I wrote this, but I certainly didn't mean to suggest that people don't have a right to their opinions. All I mean was that those responses are common, and generally speaking, not helpful or kind. I thought that presenting them in this way would make it clearer just how counterproductive these types of statements really are. Did you find the list itself offensive? Said another way, if the list was genuinely written as a guideline for supporting sufferers of back pain, would it still be problematic?

I've noticed some difficulty on this site (and everywhere), in treating black people (and other minorities) with compassion when they seek advice about how to cope with racism, bias or isolation due to their minority status. For some reason it seems to be difficult for some to offer the kindness and support that they would offer in any other situation. I think it might be helpful, to respond to reports of racism/bias/isolation in the same way you would respond to reports of chronic back pain. I thankfully don't suffer from back pain, but from what I hear from those who do, it is nearly impossible to understand unless you have felt it. You might not see it on an x-ray, but you know it's there. I know this is not a perfect analogy, but I think it's a good guideline to use if you are truly interested in understanding and supporting someone, and having a real conversation. I suspect these rules can apply for any minority, but I can only speak from my own perspective as a black person. (FYI, if you have black friends who have never mentioned the existence of racism or its effect on them, they most likely consider you an acquaintance). "Black Pain as Back Pain": Providing support If someone tells you their back is in pain, believe them. Don't tell them it doesn't/shouldn't hurt. Don't explain why you think it it is illogical for them to be feeling pain; they have heard your explanation more times than you can imagine, and it did not help. Recognize their experience. Do not ask the person if they have considered the possibility that the pain is actually in their shoulder, or foot, or ear, as if they have never felt pain in those places and could not distinguish the difference. Don't assume that the person is blaming you personally for their pain, or implying that because you don't have pain in your back, you have never experienced any pain of your own. Don't judge them for how they are dealing with the pain, and don't provide a list of things you think they have done to bring the pain upon themselves. Don't tell them they must want to be in pain. Don't compare your sprained ankle, sore elbow, broken tailbone to their back pain in an attempt to prove your expertise and force them to take your advice. Don't talk about your other "friend" who has back pain but doesn't complain about it, or your friend who also fell down but doesn't have any back pain. Don't complain about how you are tired of all the focus on back pain, and don't use this moment to grouse about all the back pain sufferers who are faking it to game the system If the person ever asks you not to lean on them/bump into them as it aggravates their back pain, just agree not to do it again. Do not get indignant and insist that you are not a sadist. Do not tell the person that since you didn't intend to hurt them, you could not have caused pain. Do not recount the volunteer work you have done at the spinal pain institute for children. Do not turn the conversation to how they are causing YOU pain by telling you about their own. Using what you have learned about back pain from what your friend has shared, pass this knowledge along to others who may have some of the same misconceptions you once did. Please respond. But please, if you are going to respond with some variation of the above, take the time to explain why you think it's a helpful thing to say to someone.

No one has posted in this thread in a while but I just read it. I feel that if the OP had specified that the hospital in question is hiring almost exclusively Latinos or Asians, and that white people are suspiciously underrepresented there this conversation would have a very different tone, and much fewer "who cares," or "I don't see the problem" types of comments. It's frustrating when discrimination only becomes a legitimate issue to some white people when they feel they are getting the short end.

As a black person, you are using your first and only post ever to tell us all that the worst group of people you have ever experienced in life was ALL of your black coworkers in Mississippi? How many ignorant black people were there in all? Three? A hundred? Ignorant how? They didn't know how to do their jobs? They were racist to staff and patients? All of them? Do you realize the power you have in describing yourself as a black person and then perpetuating this harmful stereotype?

(Highlighting some of the things the OP said that a few may have missed, let's stay on track here) First, let me join your supporters in sending you a group e-hug, and tell you that you are not wrong for feeling this way and are not alone. What some of your angry detractors don't get is just how painful and complicated these things can be. I doesn't seem like you're saying any of your classmates wants to lynch you, but it's true that many very nice people still feel uncomfortable around black folks, especially black men. If you don't have a naturally outgoing, sunshiney personality it can be doubly tough to fit in. To do it successfully can mean spending a lot of time initially putting white people at ease: smiling and laughing a ton, using similar speech patterns (in case they mistake your dialect for dullness), never, never mentioning even the existence of race, never expressing anger in any way, trying not to reinforce any negative stereotypes and being stressed out whenever you think you may have done so. In a word, it's exhausting. Here are some things that might help: 1. Try and find a support system of black people in your situation - groups at your school, local organizations, even online - it helps to have people who understand without your having to explain it, and who don't try to dismiss your feelings as unimportant or baseless. 2. Focus on the people in your class that have been nice to you. The people that have initiated conversations or even smiles, that have supported your opinions, etc. Make an effort to speak to those people that YOU like the most (instincts are there for a reason) 3. Remember that you belong in that class. You earned your spot there, you're smart enough to succeed and your social situation will improve - it may just take a little more time and effort than usual. 4. Exercise, eat well, have an outlet, and sleep! (why do we nurses always forget this part?) I hope this helps, keep us posted

FYI the original post is years old, but I do want to respond to this. As far as "reverse racism" goes I think everyone agrees that mistreating someone because of their race, appearance, accent, religion, whatever, is WRONG and unacceptable. That being said, from the way you are phrasing things (e.g. having no recourse because the place was "run by Nigerians") it seems as though you may have brought some existing negative attitudes with you to the Southern CA hospital. All the research shows (and my experience verifies) that people can sense this prejudice without your ever saying anything overt, and it may explain some of what you experienced. If in fact you and/or other non-black people were being discriminated against or subjected to racial slurs or insults because of your skin color, and management did not support you and discipline/dismiss the offenders, you have legitimate reason to take legal recourse (and should!). If, however, what you keep experiencing is all of the black staff being cold towards you - it seems far more likely that there is something going on with you than that every last black person you meet is filled with hatred towards white people.

Hi Mike, I just sent you a friend request so I can forward you the email they are using to contact all of us. I don't know about any informal leaders yet but I'm sure all would agree, an informal get together would be great!

Congratulations to all accepted (and good luck to those still waiting), I look forward to meeting you :) This may be a silly question but this is all new to me. I already confirmed my acceptance because I knew I wanted to go to Seattle U. Should I have waited until they sent me a financial aid package?

I was accepted into the psych with addictions focus track, anyone else?

I also applied for the Psych/Mental Health with addictions focus and received my interview request today :)

Would anyone waitlisted for GEPN be willing to post stats? I didnt have an academic reference, I figured 4.0 grades would say more than a lukewarm letter (since my recent classes had 300+ students or were taken online), but I am wondering if this really hurt me...

Rejected. Not even on the waitlist. I thought I had a strong application but I guess not...

My letter still hasn't arrived and I only live in Tacoma, this is torture. Has anyone else applied to the Psych program?

Is UW everyone's first choice? I also applied to Seattle U but am not sure which would be the best option since UW raised their tuition.

Looking around I think I confused UW's notification system with another school, I guess they don't send emails. I applied to the Psychiatric/Mental Health NP program.

Hello, I applied as well and have been sweating bullets. From what I've read, they also send an email to those who have been accepted.